kind of amazing how many right wing incel types are radicalizing themselves into believing that it’s gay to have sex with a woman

People are born male, femaleness is an STI. If a man has sex with a woman too many times the vaginal fluids slowly turn him into a woman. This infection is necessary in the population in order for reproduction, obviously, and the ratio of fully infected/partly infected/non-infected affects the birth rate of

so both high resistance AND low resistance to the infection are evolutionarily advantageous because

so if you throw in some men who are very successful at attracting (female) mates AND have only moderate immunity to the effect then THAT combo

wait hang on I have to go start a scifi novel about a rad alien species right now

One of the things I do at work is act as chronically overpaid PowerPoint bitch. When we have an event I collect the presentations and make a master slide deck to simplify things for presenting.

Yesterday I was presenting for an event and they got to the slide for my intro and not only had I gotten my own damn title wrong, I fucked up spelling my own stupid name and my boss was like “Lauren, or as she has it here, Luaren, is a creative force in our department with both her ideas and her spelling.”

And like yeah, fair point. I’m not changing it.

Gave this presentation again to a second group, this time with correct title and name. Did make sure to tell the group about how bad I fucked up because I literally have a masters in PowerPoint and PowerPoint accessories and it is deeply funny to admit that I fuck them up sometimes.

I also repeatedly drove home “if you leave a comment anywhere in this system the email goes to me and you have to be nice to me because the system attaches your name and I’ll know.” And one of them sent me a comment during the presentation.

I like my job.

We bought our new sweet kitten a harness for walks. We had her try it on to get her comfortable with it and I’m not sure she loved it. 

(Source)

#kitten dot exe has stopped working

#please remove third party hardware and reboot kitten

she’s laying there, TRAPPED, nay ENSNARED, and you’re LAUGHING

CANNOT get over this dude's commitment to the bit

For additional context

Do we seriously have to skip both ads on YouTube now. Like we press skip on the first then we have to wait five more seconds to press skip on the second. Are you actually fucking kidding me

Before one of you chucklefucks says “get an adblocker” or “download this sketchy software to block ads on phones:” this sucks because companies are doing it, not because there are ways around it. Do not be stupid on my post where I complain.

I am complaining about ads being shoved into everything because it fucking sucks. Smarmy advice will help neither of us

if i could ever get even one project done i would be unstoppable

Straight Parents: We just want to decide when our kids are introduced to the idea of relationships!

Also Straight Parents: (watch a one year old baby boy playing with blocks with a one year old baby girl) HAHAHA he is already such a ladykiller

I guess Oedipus would’ve outgrown it by now

The Day Book, Chicago, January 6, 1912

#fuck dude he sure does

A blonde walks in a bank to get a loan. “I need to borrow $100 for a month,” she says. 

The banker frowns, but takes her information anyway. He runs her credit but can’t find a report. “I’m sorry,” he says, “but in the absence of a credit record, we’ll have to charge 20% interest on the loan, and you’ll need to put up collateral.

“What does that mean?” the blonde says.

“It means,” the banker says, “you’ll have to repay us $120, and you’ll need to give us something more valuable to hold onto until you pay us back.”

“Something more valuable?” The blonde says. “How about my Ferrari?”

The banker nearly snorts his coffee all over his desk, but he prides himself on customer service so he soldiers on. He runs the title on the Ferrari and what do you know, the blonde owns it free and clear. “Okay, he says, “I’ll print out the papers.”

“Just so I understand,” the blonde says, “I give you my Ferrari and you give me a hundred dollars, right? And then in a month, I give you $120 and you give me my Ferrari back?”

“Yes,” the banker says, “that’s the deal.”

She signs the paperwork and hands him the keys. He counts out $100 for her and watches her saunter out the door.

A month to the day later, he’s sitting at his desk when the blonde saunters back in. She hands him $120 and says “I get my car back, right?”

“Yep, he says as he hands her the keys. She turns to go but he stops her. “Miss, I really have to ask, why did you use a $140,000 car as collateral on a $100 loan?”

“Oh!” The blonde says. “I got called out of town unexpectedly on business. How else can I park a Ferrari for a month in Manhattan for only $20?”

The tailors at Colonial Williamsburg made a suit for their cat

The best part is that they were inspired by a diary entry from 1775, written by a 12 year old tailor’s apprentice who had been left unsupervised all day and decided to make a suit for a cat. Here’s a link to the blog post about it, but I’ll just paste the whole diary entry here:

“I had been at work about two months when Christmas came on – and here I must relate a little anecdote. The principal [the tailor] and his lady were invited to a party among their friends…while it devolved on me to stay at home and keep house. There was nothing left me in charge to do, only to take care of the house. There was a large cat that generally lay about the fire. In order to try my mechanical powers, I concluded to make a suit of clothing for puss, and for my purpose gathered some scraps of cloth that lay about the shop-board, and went to work as hard as I could. Late in the evening I got my suit of clothes finished; I caught the cat, put on the whole suit – coat, vest, and small-clothes [breeches] – buttoned all on tight, and set down my cat to inspect the fit. 

“Unfortunately for me there was a hole through the floor close to the fireplace, just large enough for the cat to pass down; after making some efforts to get rid of the clothes, and failing, pussy descended through the hole and disappeared; the floor was tight and the house underpinned with brick, so there was no chance of pursuit. I consoled myself with a hope that the cat would extricate itself from its incumbrance, but not so; night came and I had made on a good fire and seated myself for some two or three hours after dark, when who should make their appearance but my master and mistress and two young men, all in good humor, with two or three bottles of rum. After all were seated around the fire, who should appear amongst us but the cat in his uniform. I was struck speechless, the secret was out and had no chance of concealing; the cat was caught, the whole work inspected and the question asked, is this your day’s work? I was obliged to answer in the affirmative; I would then have been willing to take a good whipping, and let it stop there, but no, to complete my mortification the clothes were carefully taken off the cat and hung up in the shop for the inspection of all customers that came in.”

“I was hoping they’d beat me and forget about it but to my horror they stuck my work up on the fridge”

What a dapper little gent!

It's a Jam!!!

Team “not actually oblivious to flirting, just terrified of appearing presumptuous” represent.

“Yes, in the balance of consideration this person’s behaviour could certainly be interpreted as flirtatious, but it would be purest arrogance for me to just assume they actually meant what they said. I should gather more evidence. Forever.”

Not Karl..

We really do need to bring back the word "trolling" and warning ppl not to feed the trolls

That TikTok of ppl pouring tomato sauce directly on the counter, adding spaghetti & mixing it with their hands while commenting how great of an idea it is? Yeah, we used to call that trolling, it's pathetic & bc all they want from it is attention, the best thing is not to give them any. Block & move on.

I keep seeing it on here too. Someone comments something outrageous on a post & gets dozens of ppl to respond, filling the entire comment section & making it unusable. And on Instagram, a comment saying "I hate colors" on a post of someone showing off colorful art gets 100 replies while positive comments get none. Congrats, you've fed the troll. Now stop doing it.

Trolling used to get you banned from forums. Now they call you an influencer and give you brand deals & ad revenue. That's why it's more important than ever not to feed the trolls, especially in spaces where any attention is good attention and getting yelled at by 10k ppl in the comments counts as "engagement", boosting your troll post in the algorithm.