here’s a hot take: giftwrap is dumb, 95% of the time you can just hand someone the thing and accomplish the same task. Society has conditioned us to love wrapping shit up for no reason, probably by gift wrap industry people.

Counterpoint: monkey instinct says uncovering secret bounty from colorful shell good as fuck

i feel like we dont talk enough about how two of the most decorated female hockey players ever, one a former captain for team canada and the other for the usa, fell in love and had a baby together 

small gay sports baby

Ok but where is my cheesey lesbian rom-com about them falling in love while playing against each other

Okay but the funniest part is this has happened multiple times. There are three instances of former Canadian and American national team players who have gotten married:

-Caroline Ouellette and Julie Chu (both former captains)

-Gillian Apps (former alternate captain) and Meghan Duggan (former captain)

-Jayna Hefford (former alternate captain) and Kathleen Kauth

Seriously it’s like tradition at this point. I’m sure there’s a betting pool on who’s going to get married next. God I love the rival lesbian jocks trope.

By possum.mood

Jane Eyre, Charlotte Brontë // The Adventure Zone: Episode 23, Justin McElroy

Well that’s a take I never expected to see but I’m here for it.

[ID: 1: a section of text from Jane Eyre by Charlotte Bronte. The highlighted portion of the text reads, "Do you think, because I am poor, obscure, plain, and little, I am soulless and heartless? You think wrong!--I have as much soul as you,--and full as much heart!" 2: a section of the TAZ transcript that reads, "Taako: It's not all abraca-fuck you and what have you. I have a beating heart! I'm multidimensional! I'm a fully realized creation! FUCK!"]

All of the orgasms in fic are so violent. His orgasm came like a punch to the gut. It hit him like a mack truck. It knifed him in a fucking alley. What these orgasms need is a good education.

the orgasm tapped him on the shoulder politely because it wasn’t raised in a goddamn barn

By the time he came back to himself, the orgasm had washed the dishes, vacuumed the living room, and retrieved his lost house key from under the chaise lounge.

News Anchor in my area loses it over a Fat Cat that likes to swim.

I don’t know what’s funnier, how she said physical activities or the snort.

I love how she gradually loses it. She gives it her best try and then you can just hear where her composure starts breaking down.

i always lose it when her voice trips into the fifth dimension as she says physical activities 

This made my day so much fucking better

Omg 😂😂

Fun family story: when my aunt was marrying her wife everyone was really excited but also dreading it because my aunt is known for her insanely long speeches so everyone knew her vows would be like 9 hours long so when it came time for her to say her vows she had a shit ton of cue cards in her hands and even her wife started groaning and my aunt took a deep inhale and then unravelled all the cue cards which were taped together and they all just read ‘HOT DAMN’ in giant letters and those were my aunts vows.

And now since I officially have permission to use this photo

GET FUCKED

is there any temptation greater than being in the hardware store and seeing the place where they have all the little cards for the colours

as someone who works in the paint department of a hardware store i just wanna say that you are absolutely allowed (and ENCOURAGED!) to grab as many cards off the rack as you want so long as you don’t take more than one or two of each colour (they are free for customers but the store only gets so many at a time so please don’t just walk off with our ENTIRE supply of SW 7587 Antique Red cards)

That’s too specific. Have people been stealing the SW 7587 Antique Red cards in droves lately?

legally i am not allowed to comment

I’m too cheap to actually buy paint so I’ve been going to every hardware store in collecting all the SW 7587 antique red cards and gluing them to my walls

YOU!!!!!! YOU ARE MY ENEMY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It’s back

TOMORROW IS LESBIAN DAY GAYDIES

[image description: two screenshot of text- “October 8th, 2019

October 8th, 2019

International Lesbian Day celebrates lesbian culture and visibility. It’s a day to be shared by lesbians and allies of lesbian rights. 8 oct. 2019″

“International Lesbian Day, held on October 8, is a day for lesbians the world over to come together to celebrate lesbian herstory, diversity, and culture.”]

CONGRATULATIONS TO THE KING