Clinically Whimsical

"GO APE!" (1974)

it's kinda comforting to me when my friends are a little annoying or longwinded or abrasive or tired and inarticulate, or they don't do the exact politest thing in every interaction, and stuff, because I know I'm sometimes annoying, or take up a more than my share of conversational space, or forget to ask them questions, etc etc, and... like, I'm always working to be nice to my friends and to get better and better at friend-ing, but it just makes me feel more human about it :}

anyway I love you friends plz know I'm not counting, in fact I feel great affection toward you even (especially) when conversations go less than Perfectly Ideal

I'm not proud to say it but this line from a 60 year old detective novel made me re-think some things about friendship

Mur Murs (Agnès Varda, 1981)

First of all the Vulcan Science Directorate has concluded that time travel is impossible, so jot that down.

Ô saisons, ô châteaux (1958) Directed by Agnes Varda

Ode to Spot, by Data Soong

me opening tumbkr to say a character is transgender and then closing it again

see 0 note flop posts aren't that bad when they're personal but 0 note fandom posts feel literally so bad. like if you don't wanna play toys with me anymore just say that. i'll pack up my super cool awesome things and go and i'll sit on the other side of the playground by myself and i won't even look at you. fuck

When Sarek is dying of Bendii Syndrome, his wife Perrin complains that Spock never came to visit or say goodbye. I don’t think they ever had the best relationship, but at this point Spock and Sarek are absolutely much closer and on better terms than they used to be. Which makes me wonder why exactly Spock never saw his father again before going off to do undercover diplomacy on Romulus. And I think I know the answer.

Because the most prominent symptom of Bendii Syndrome is a breakdown of emotional control.

Sarek, at this point in the disease’s progression, has basically no control over his emotional reactions. He is dying and he is afraid and he is sad and regretful, and he is, most likely, on top of all that, deeply ashamed. This has to be a humiliating experience for a man like Sarek. And I’m sure Spock knows this. Knows his father has precious little dignity left.

And how do you think he would feel, seeing his son?

The son he’s had an incredibly complicated relationship with for his entire life. The son he has so many regrets regarding. The son with his mother’s expressive human eyes, a mother who died old and fulfilled but so tragically young from a Vulcan perspective. The only child he has left when he once had three.

This man would have a breakdown. He would cry. In front his son. And then he would feel ashamed. And their last interaction would be bathed in regret and shame and deep, unresolved sadness.

Spock wants to see his father. He wants to say goodbye to him. He probably wants to meld with him, which seems to be something traditional for Vulcans in the end stages of their lives. But his father’s dignity could not bear it, and he knows this, and he avoids him and allows him to die with that little bit still intact, knowing at least that he never cried in front of his son.

Oh to be, oh to be, oh to be!