July again
So what if I take a page from your book and write you a letter? I'm sorry about last summer. I'm sorry I hurt you; I didn't mean to. I know that doesn't matter - you probably already knew I didn't hurt you intentionally and it doesn't change the outcome: you got hurt. You "got crushed." By me. I left with him that night because I was scared and overwhelmed, totally afraid I'd make the wrong choices. I couldn't handle the fact that you were actually flirting with me, actually seeming attracted to me. I had to get out, it was too much. It was too much of everything I'd been hoping for for too long all at once. Why was I suddenly attractive that night? Were you only interested because you were shitfaced? Because I danced with other men? Those were not the reasons I wanted you to want me. That made me feel cheap and ashamed that I cared about you and wanted you but I didn't cross your mind until you were drunk or jealous. I couldn't deal. So I left with him. And yes, I hooked up. That wasn't the first time either. I just wanted to feel good and walk away. That wasn't what I wanted from you - I wanted something real from you. And it didn't seem like that would ever happen. So I'm sorry I hurt you. But I need you to know you hurt me too. I don't know why we couldn't tell each other how we felt and what we wanted honestly. And I'm sad you're leaving. I'll miss my friend. For a while you were one of my closest friends. You also make me angry and frustrated. And I hate that you know me so well. I should be happier for you. I wish this weren't so complicated.