Lair of Awesome

all the ladies love that I have so many thoughts on the vilification of male effeminacy in popular thought about the American Revolution

it's soooo sexy that those thoughts are half-formed because my research specialty is actually 19th-century social history (with focuses on women's, queer, and dress history)

I'm actually very hot for doing all of this, in fact

alright so [lounging seductively on a chaise in antique lingerie]

if you're an American child, you're often taught about our Revolution with...a bit of a slant. or at least I was, going to school from 1999 to 2011

and that slant is "Loyalists were all fancy rich (effeminate) assholes and Patriots were all salt-of-the-earth rugged (masculine) heroes"

especially the men, but we can talk about the portrayal of Loyalist women as manipulative, mercenary, frivolous, and sexually promiscuous another time

I had a fifth grade history teacher who put on a "posh" British accent whenever she talked about General Cornwallis, and made a big deal about the fact that he took his china set with him on campaign. we also watched The Patriot in class (in hindsight, WILDLY inappropriate for 11-year-olds), which stars Mel Gibson as a tough, pure-hearted frontier patriot going up against a well-dressed, cartoonishly sadistic British general. it's basically the essence of this trope

for the record, George Washington traveled with 18 wagons of personal supplies, including china. and his tent had servant's quarters. but somehow we never learned that, nor that all of this was eminently normal for high-ranking military officers at the time

I was at the Old State House museum here in Boston the other day, and noticed how their main exhibit- which, to be fair to the staff, even they will tell you is dated -talks about royally-appointed governor Thomas Hutchinson's "elegant house" that was ransacked by a mob and shows off his delicate pastel ceramics. descriptions of similar treasures owned by, say, wealthy Patriot John Hancock are conspicuously absent. additionally the portrait of Hutchinson used in the displays is from 1741- over 30 years before the Revolution even happened. as I understand it, that is not the only portrait of him that exists. and yet, the leaders of the Revolution are pictured at roughly appropriate ages, making Hutchinson seem a callow young man by comparison- when he was, in fact, significantly older than most of his opponents

all of this kind of dovetails for me with the whole "are women [or in this case, are traits and objects conventionally coded as feminine in the 21st century] bourgeois, comrades?" joke. except, you know. the people upholding this version are mostly fans of runaway capitalism, or taught this mindset by the same

EDIT: okay, people are already being Weird about this in the notes

my point was that using what we now perceive as effeminacy to denigrate men of the past whom we disagree with is ahistorical, and faintly smacks of both misogyny (because Being Like Women BadTM) and homophobia (because Effeminate Men Associated With Gayness) in this context

I need everyone to know that the ship Götheborg, the world's largest ocean-going wooden sailing ship, answered a distress call the other day.

Imagine waiting for the coast guard or whatever to show up and instead a replica of 18th century merchant ship pulls up and tows you to the coast.

pov: you’ve been transported to the 17th century

#in the article it says that the sailboat sailors were concerned because they could not be towed quickly because of the kind of boat#so they asked Götheborg what type of ship they were and warned that they would not be able to go above a certain speed#and götheborg went ' we are also a sailboat. 50 meters length. no worries :) '#and the poor sailboat sailors were just like ' That's not possible. they have to be messing with us' and then the ship Rolled Up (via bunjywunjy)

My mental state on a good day is like a character in a video game where status conditions that do opposite things stack rather mutually annihilating. All of my numbers look perfectly normal, but then you look at my status HUD and see that I have every buff and every debuff all at once perfectly cancelling each other out, and not even God knows which one is going to wear off first.

this is so fun

This Google Drive AI scraping bullshit actually makes me want to cry. My entire life is packed into Google Drive. All of my writing over the years, all of my academic documents, everything.

I’m just so overwhelmed with all the shit I’m going to have to move. I’m lucky to have Scrivener, but online data storage has been super important as I’ve had so many shitty computers, and the only reason I haven’t lost work is because Google Drive has been my backup storage unit.

My partner has recommended gitlab to move my files to - it seems useful, and I can try and explain more about what it is and how it works when I get more familiar with it. I’m unsure if it’s a text editor, or can work that way. He was explaining something about the version history that I don’t quite understand right now but might later. I’m just super overwhelmed and frustrated that this is the dystopia we live in right now.

I’m so sad to see so many panicked posts about google docs when the original inflammatory post has been debunked and retracted.

Google is ONLY talking about publicly available data. Stuff that is in your drive DOES NOT COUNT as publicly available. 

There are SO MANY companies that use drive and docs for proprietary information who would have MANY lawsuits to bring if it was discovered private drives were being scraped.

Now, I’m not saying NOT to swap writing programs because google docs is pretty pants as an actual word processor, and also, never ever have all your stuff only in one place, but I don’t want anyone to freak out that their writing isn’t safe.

posted without comment

Starving to death this morning because ive been to the new local cafe twice this week already and if i go a third time ill look desperate.

Me: I like the goods and/or services you offer in exchange for my money

The cafe, in my head: lmao cringe, kill yrself buddy

The endlessly wailing siren of my social anxiety issues is probably not going to be silenced by the people in the comments pointing out that being a regular at a restaurant is a normal thing for people to be, but I do zero-sarcasm appreciate the attempt, is very kind!

I used to walk into [redacted nonpizza store] in my area and the guy behind the counter would immediately ask me if I wanted a pizza. truly I experienced the mortifying ordeal of being known as the pizza guy

compared to that being a regular at a normal cafe ordering normal breakfast items would be a real relief

Literally dread this scenario, to have your identity *reduced down* to a single item order, to be known as such a plebian with such a restricted palette that your order can be charted in advance, oh widdle ash wants his chicken tendies uwu.

I agree having a set breakfast order is more socially acceptable than a set pizza order. But its not enough; its never enough.

Though life update: i did just go to the cafe in the end. I compromised with my anxiety by ordering a sandwich instead of my typical bagel. It was fine but not as good.

on the flipside, we went to the same place for brunch a couple years, one time my buddy orders something new, and while he’s eating five different members of the wait staff stopped by to be like “did they bring you the wrong thing?”

This thread needs a trigger warning keep the horror stories coming

There was a bakeshop near my house that made soft ginger cookies and and macarons but only 2-3 good flavors. I walked in once and the cashier (who I definitely didn’t recognize) said “let me guess - ginger cookies and cookies-n-cream macarons, right?”

Needless to say, I never returned.

I once went to a McDonald’s, the cashier said “big mac combo meal and a chicken burger, right?” and I said “yeah” and then didn’t come back for two years

This entire genre of concern so fascinatingly foreign to me! the cafeteria pizza guy knows I want 3 slices of whatever veggie pizza he has, and he will have them ready for me without me having to say anything besides a quick murmured thanks, and he smiles when he sees me and starts to grab them, and it feels so good! to be known, even a little bit, to be a small constant in someone else’s life… there’s just something so beautiful and precious and good in that, for me.

When I lived in [the city where I lived for undergrad] there was this place very close to my house with cheap and delicious lamb curry and the people at the counter knew my face and would start scooping the lamb curry into a bowl when they saw me come through the door. I thought this was lovely of them and always made sure to tip generously. Restaurant and regular is a mutually beneficial relationship.

Yeah there’s a bakery/cafe a few doors down from me and reaching the point where they a) remember my face/name and b) know my regular order meant that I can no longer get breakfast anywhere else ever.

Had the guy at the taco truck I routinely went to for lunch who asked me after a few years if I only ate burritos or something, no man I’m just don’t see the need to mix up my lunches.

As someone who’s been both front and back of house in various large and small food services: regulars account for roughly 40% of sales and thier consistency makes it easier to order supplies and keep stock levels stable.

As front of house my regulars were always a welcome sight, an easy serve and clear, a guaranteed a happy customer and pleasant interaction. Especially in diners or lunch spots where reliable turnover = tips and most people never come in more than once, having a familiar face who’s rhythms and tastes you recall makes the rest of your service work easier.

If you have any anxiety about being a regular somewhere just be sure to tip well, and you will magically transform from ‘pizza guy’ or ‘lamb curry dude’ to Beloved Favorite Regular and the servers will squabble to get you seated in thier section.

When I worked for Domino’s Pizza, there was a guy who ordered a pizza, without fail, on Thursday at 6pm. Until the day he didn’t.

One of our drivers was delivering nearby and decided to check on the guy. Turns out the guy got home, got most of the way through the door, and lost consciousness. (If memory serves, it was a diabetic episode.) Driver couldn’t revive him and called 911. Saved the guy’s life.

when i worked in a remote office when i started my job, i went to denny’s for lunch enough that i’d just walk in and a server would go “take a seat over there, I’ll be over with your iced tea to take your order in a moment”

Food service workers love their regulars, especially if you’re a good tipper and are polite, we literally look forward to seeing you every day. Also service workers don’t care if you order the same thing, and us remembering your order means we like you.

^^^^

Also no we aren’t “boiling your personality down to an item/order”, you are. We are offering you preference recall and welcoming you and your *presence* does in fact correspond to our need to give you a certain order. It’s okay for that to happen.

For all my fellow social anxiety sufferers out there. Because my local coffee shop knows I always get iced coffee or a mocha and a biscotti and it stresses me the fuck out because I’m like “What if they think my order is dumb?? What if they’re like there she goes again stuffing her face with biscottis all the time” but nothing matters and a biscotti with your coffee in the morning really makes all the difference in what kinda day you’re gonna have.

I have pretty severe social anxiety, but there was a Chinese restaurant in [town I lived in for a few years] that made some of the very best egg drop soup, vegetable lo mein, and spring rolls. I ordered that every time I went there. They would seat me by a window in a quiet spot because they saw me put earplugs on when things got noisy.

Then I moved to a different but nearby town. I’m unable to drive (due to medical reasons) and public transportation didn’t go near the town. It was a year later, when I had a study group, that I was able to go there again. We had been taking turns for what restaurant we would eat and study at. We’d be there for hours, ordering several meals, and tip heavy, around 50%. Anyone one of us who couldn’t afford to eat or tip would be covered by the rest because several of my classmates were from wealthy families. They covered me more than once in exchange for drawings.

When it was my turn, we went to the Chinese restaurant. I walked in and they immediately knew who I was and what I favored. It was pretty dead in there, so we mostly had the place to ourselves. It ended up being a six course meal and five hours of studying and discussing the project. They brought me my favs as soon as they saw my plate or bowl was empty. The bill ended up at a little over $1k.

A couple months later, a friend took me there where we had a nice lunch after I finished my last exam. The owner approached our table and told me each of the students I had brought last time were now regulars. Some brought more people, and business was booming. They gave me a little card that said I would receive free meals for the next two years, as thanks for being a regular bringing in so many new people.

Before I moved across the country, I wanted to visit the place for a final meal before leaving. The place was closed with a sign that said “moved to new location.” The new location was near the university. So we went there, and the owner informed me that because so many of their new regulars were uni students, they moved. The place was easily 3x the size of their original. They told me it was always packed during meal times, and they now opened for breakfast with tradition Chinese breakfast foods. Business was booming, and all because of their regulars.

Being a regular is one of the very best compliments you can offer a restaurant, diner, meal trucks, etc. They love seeing you, especially if you tip well. I will likely never eat there again due to living more than 2500 miles away, but it feels good that my love for egg drop soup, vegetable lo mein, and spring rolls helped out a wonderful restaurant.

Be a regular. They love you.

The makes me so happy. It's never to late to come out or express your identity.

💚💚💚😍😍😍💗💯

I feel like the reason certain dog-lovers insist cats are evil is because they read their body language as if they were dogs. So here’s a very basic guide to common “mean” things cats do that actually aren’t mean at all if you know what they’re thinking.

Rolling and exposing belly- attacks you when touched Does not mean: Give belly rubs! - haha I tricked you!  Actually means: I’m playful! If you reach for my belly I’ll grab your arm and bite it because I think we’re playfighting! 

Lazily exposing belly - still attacks when touched Does not mean: tricked you again! Actually means: I’m showing you my belly because I trust you. Please don’t break that trust by invading my personal space. I might accept a belly rub if I’m not ticklish and I know you well. Snapping at you while being pet Does not mean: I suddenly decided I dislike you! Actually means: You’re petting me in a way that gives me too much restless energy. Please focus on petting my head and shoulders instead of stroking the full length of my back next time.

Is in the same room but makes no attempt to interact Does not mean:  I’m ignoring you Actually means: We’re hanging out! I’m being respectful by giving you space while still enjoying your company. Slapping/scratching your hand when you try to pet them Does not mean: I hate you! Actually means: You’ve failed to establish that we’re not playing, or the way you’re approaching me scares me. Be calmer, speak more gently, make eye-contact and blink slowly at me before you try again.

I love this post omg, thank you so much. As a lifelong cat person, dogs perplex me because they’re so completely different behaviourally.

I love dogs too but, I’ve been trying to tell people, you canNOT treat cats like you treat dogs. They arent the same animals and have very different personalities

P.s.: people often pet cats way too hard. Dogs like a firm pet or a pat on the belly, cats dont have the same bone structure and are more flexible than dogs so what you’re doing probably hurts them

Sitting and staring Does not mean: I am challenging you/plotting your demise/just generally evil and creepy. Actually means: I am a desert-adapted species, so my natural tears are very thick and keep my eyes moist for a nice long time. I do find people interesting and enjoy watching them.  I just don’t need to blink very often!

Staring and blinking slowly Does not mean: I’m smug and think I am smarter than you. Actually means: I like you! But I don’t need to get up in your face to show it.  I can just sit over here and blow kisses at you to show you I am glad you are around!

It’s very frustrating for me when people expect cats to act like dogs, or act like they’re deceitful.  They aren’t!  They just AREN’T DOGS.

Pour les chats 🐈💞

Get ready for “more reasons why I fucking love cats”

CATS 😍😍😍😍

when a cat turns their back on you, they’re not snubbing you. they’re trusting you to watch their back.

notice how when you’re unfamiliar but nonthreatening, they might loaf facing you and sorta halfway watch you. you’re not fully trusted, but you’re ok by them.

when you’re familiar and liked, they’ll often sit near you facing the same way. imitation of poses is a weird little way cats show solidarity. they do it to each other too. check out these bff’s:

they are doing this on purpose. it’s a buddy thing. so if you’re watching tv and a cat sits next to you and pretends to watch tv too, they are basically calling you bro and declaring friendship.

and if they really love and trust you, they’ll turn their back on you and go to sleep. they’ll sleep facing a wall in your presence, or lounge where they can’t see the room. this isn’t a snub, folks, this is true kitty love. they’re saying, “i feel safe when you’re around. i know nothing’s going to sneak up on me, because you’re here. i feel so safe i can stick my head under a pillow and snore with my butt pointed at you.”

farts aren’t an expression of love, though, as far as i know. they’re just farts.

Not mentioned but still relevant: Wagging tail–does not mean happy, means lots of restless energy/agitated

Fun fact: because I treat ALL animals like tiny intelligent toddlers with logic and *A* common sense that just doesn’t glock yours because SPECIES barrier and a distinct lack of thumbs…

I consider any pets in a house just as much a resident to be respected as the humans because I am the guest and bitch THEY LIVE THERE.

So, because I taught pre k. And consider most pet animals to just be Adult Human Logic Impaired Thumbless Toddler Equivalents… I TALK to them like my students…

*MEOW* yes? What is it? *MEEEEEEOOOOOOOW* I don’t understand that tone can you show me?

And i follow them.

And I know a lot of “cat people” who DON’T speak cat, but they appreciate their animal. So I just give them the fun fact of what something means when they comment on a behavior they think is cute or weird they encourage simply because it is cute and they were told it was not harmful.

And my FAVORITE is when big quiet men who spoil their cats learn that their fluffy baby walking in to sit next to them playing a game, and keeping eyes on the door their human is not paying attention to is their cat’s way of saying “I got eyes on the door bro. You good to keep playing.”

There is nothing better than hearing “OH you watching the door for me, buddy? Hell yeah, thanks. After this round, we breaking out the nip!” And a responding meow after watching a man cry real tears at some point cuz I informed him that sleeping in the corner meant his cat was deeply trusted him and waking up to the cat sitting in his pillow watching the door was the guard duty while he slept. The cutest shit is telling cat people “yes, they love you JUST as much as you think they do… and maybe a lil more than you could ever imagine.”

I’ve noticed that when cats are curious/interested about something they make a little “prrt?” noise, so when I am meeting a cat for the first time this is what I do:

I have used these steps to make friends with SO MANY cats, it is very very effective ^^

I gave my soapbox speech about how weight loss is mostly bullshit to two different patients in a row yesterday and so help me I’m pretty sure one of these days someone is going to say “but SURELY you agree I’d be HEALTHIER if I lost weight!” bc you can see the disbelief in their eyes. And like. Sure, maybe! You might see some improvement in biomarkers like LDL and A1c, and your knees would probably feel better. But you would be amazed at how much more good you can do for yourself by focusing on things you can actually meaningfully change without resorting to making yourself miserable. Eat more fresh fruits and vegetables—it’s hard bc they’re more difficult to prepare and more expensive per calorie and go bad faster than other foods, but they’re what we evolved eating the most of so they’re what our bodies need the most of. And walk around more; sure, cardio is great for you, but if it sucks so bad you don’t do it, it isn’t doing shit for you. And we evolved to walk very very long distances, a little bit at a time, so our bodies respond actually very well to adding walks into our schedules, which is vastly easier than adding workouts that are frankly designed to be punishing when the definition of punishing is “makes you less likely to do it again in the future.”

You get one life. It is shorter than you can begin to imagine. Don’t waste it hating yourself because somebody is going to make money off that self-hatred. You deserve better than to be a cash cow for billionaires who pay aestheticians and dermatologists to make them (or at least their trophy wives) look thin and beautiful no matter what they actually do.

And ONE MORE THING—listen. We are NOT evolved to lose weight, we are evolved to hoard it. We came about in a world of famines. Not only does your brain have MULTIPLE failsafes built in SPECIFICALLY TO PREVENT WEIGHT LOSS, but there are epigenetic factors—factors that are not DNA but travel with it and affect how it is expressed. So if your parents or grandparents lived through a famine, like, oh, say, the Great Depression, YOU are more likely to gain weight and more likely to have difficulty losing it. AND! We live in a world highly affected by industrial pollution—there is no corner of the world free from it, micro plastics and industrial chemical pollution have been found literally everywhere ever studied—and many of those pollutants affect our endocrine systems. Looking at records of lab animals going back to the 1960s, where we have excellent records of what genetically essentially identical animals ate, we know that LAB ANIMALS FED THE SAME AMOUNT OF THE SAME CHOW WEIGH MORE NOW THAN THEY DID THE IN SIXTIES. So no. You’re not fat because your willpower is somehow busted. (Willpower, fun fact, can be depleted! By DEPLETING BLOOD SUGAR! Baumeister’s work in the 2000s demonstrated that.) You’re fat because your body wants you to live, and because the ultra rich have knowingly poured poison into the world because they don’t care if you die.

So YOU need to care if you live. And how you live. Please love yourself, because the billionaires will never give a shit about you. Weight Watchers has a 96-99% failure rate. Weight loss is a scam that makes billions of dollars every year. Love yourself too much to fall for that. Don’t wait until you’re thin to love yourself or to start living, because a) that day may never come and b) it’s okay if that day never comes. You are worthwhile and enough right now. I promise you that.

Did I mention that all studies on the subject are very clear--like, we do not need more studies on this, which is a bananas thing for a scientist to say--exercise does not lead to weight loss. It just doesn't. Anyone who tells you it does is wrong. It's good for you because it's good for you, not because it makes you thin. It improves your blood vessel health; it improves your heart health; it improves your body's ability to manage blood sugar; it improves your muscular health. It does not make you thin.

Reducing calories can reduce weight, but your body, as previously mentioned, is trying REAL HARD not to lose weight. I see a lot of recommendations for 1200 calorie a day diets. Google "starvation study" and look at how much the men in that study were given. It was over 1500 calories a day, and they were miserable. They became skeletal. They felt awful, depressed, foggy--because your brain is the single biggest user of calories in your body. It is so metabolically active that your brain uses around 30% of all the calories your body uses. Guess what happens when you starve your brain? You feel like shit. You feel stupid and depressed. Don't starve yourself. It doesn't work and it makes you feel awful and you will get rebound weight gain above whatever you lost, guaranteed, and then you'll blame yourself for "letting yourself go" because our society is built on lies.

We also cannot and should not ever suggest that anyone can lose more than 5-10% of their body weight and keep that off. It's just not possible. Bariatric surgery is a WHOLE other can of worms, I don't have the energy to explain why I almost never recommend it to my patients, but just know that if anyone has ever suggested you lose more than 10% of your body weight through behavioral changes, they are bullshitting you.

This is not an American/non-American thing

This is a CLASS thing

When I (American) went to college (expensive private school on scholarships) (almost everyone there upper middle class or upper class) I and one of my friends (average) incited anger and rejection for asking to ‘tag along’ to the grocery store

They saw it as selfishly asking a favor and were shocked, just like the OOP’s friend, whereas we saw it as a normal and sensible thing to do.

This is really sad, but it's at least kind of encouraging that he's still trying

Absolutely. The spirit of learning should be nurtured at any age. Read on, info warrior!

Hey, this is exactly how you expand your vocabulary - stumbling across new words, looking them up, and then remembering that. And they're still having fun reading the book, so they're probably going to remember the words they pick up. This is good!

I see y'all in the notes making fun of this, don't fucking shame people for learning stuff late. It's not like this guy can go back in time and do more reading as a kid/teenager, do you want people to learn new things, or do you expect everyone to just wallow in ignorance if they weren't lucky enough to be taught things as a kid/teenager? And they don't need an easier book either, if they're engaged with this one and understanding it, they're fine.

I'm honestly a little confused about why people would make fun of this. I guess it's partly because I've met a lot of teens and adults whose lives did not give them the kind of time and space for gentle curiosity and enriching challenge needed for academic success. Or they just didn't have access to the right kind of teaching at the right level for them. They're not vague "stupid" (which in these discussions seems synonymous with "morally bad") people to me; they're real humans with complicated lives.

Lots of people don't click well with schooling, but it's frequently not from an unwillingness to try. Humans are fundamentally wired to want to belong, to succeed, to be approved of. If you stick a kid into a Perform Well Academically factory eight hours a day and link approval and belonging with keeping up with the rest of the class, and they aren't? That's not laziness. Something is standing in the way of their success.

Also, OP is describing... exactly how I was taught to read?

I was schooled to regularly underline the words I didn't understand in what I was reading (or keep a list on scrap paper, if it was a library book) and systematically go through methods like trying to intuit its meaning from the context, looking for similarities to other words, and then looking it up in the dictionary. I frequently have to get text versions of the audiobooks I listen to now, so I can look up and learn about words I don't perfectly understand. I still keep a dictionary at my elbow when I'm reading French.

I always loved finding unfamiliar words. It was like the best kind of puzzle game. I guess most people don't have love affairs with dictionaries? But during some of my loneliest, unhappiest times as a child, I hurled myself into the most difficult texts I could get access to, even if half the time I bounced right off them. I dove into the English language like an antiques dealer would search through everyday crap for priceless heirlooms. I got so sick of being treated as a freakish savant (emphasis on "freak") that I literally read through the dictionary one month, in the times when I'd finished my classwork and was waiting for everyone else to. These days, I keep the link for my library's connection to the Oxford English Dictionary on my browser toolbar, and consult it at least once a week.

I'm glad OP is feeling up to exploring a medium they haven't really clicked with before. I hope they keep diving into areas of uncertainty, pursuing the things that spark their interest and being willing to seek out answers instead of giving up. Carl Sagan feels like a really appropriate choice for that kind of beginning.

If someone shows up and is missing any single one of these or can’t come up with a plant contact name? They get turned away.

I have in the last week in fact had a dude scream at me because I would not simply let him in. He was insisting he was here to meet with a maintenance manager to see about repairing some of their equipment. Problem with this is that he said ‘your maintenance manager’

We have like seven maintenance managers who each specialize in specific departments or systems or projects. Not a single one. Someone saying ‘THE’ manager of anything here is, 100% of the time, trying to fish info out of me.

So I ask WHICH one, and he gets upset, and finally says the name of a dude who retired three years ago. I say ‘no, he does not work here, any other contact information you have?’

Now, what this dude wanted, 100%, is to go into the plant with his pickup truck and steal scrap metal and he was trying to Bavarian fire drill his way in. It did not work. He didn’t have any other names or contact info or appointment information or anything that could verify that he was supposed to be there. He was HOPING that when he screamed at me that he’d talk to someone and have me fired that I’d go ‘no no it’s fine of course’. If I HAD done that I WOULD have been fired. I didn’t. He left. Haven’t heard shit. Knew I wouldn’t. Wrote up an incident report with his description and vehicle description so now everyone knows what’s up with him.

That’s how you defeat a dude with a clipboard and a confident stride.

OP has it absolutely right, and I want to ride on these coattails to tell a different kind of anti-sneak story.

I worked front desk for a company that had a LOT of sales people cold calling us about shit. They wanted to sell us office supplies, supplies more specific to our business, seminars for our employees, every damn thing you could think of. Our company was part of a much bigger company, so they assumed we had a ton of money to spend on contracts, gear, whatever. Enter Peter Jenkins - name changed for privacy reasons.

Our website listed Peter Jenkins as head of Sales and Marketing, or something to that effect, and he was essentially the go-to for anyone trying to sell us something. As the front desk person, I manned the single fax machine of the office, and I'd get several sales-oriented flyers that had things hand-scribbled in the corner: "For Peter, as per our chat last week! Take care!" I'd get tons of calls that needed to be directed to Peter's line. Lots of people were cold calling... but several said that Peter was expecting a call back from them.

Peter did not exist.

"Peter" had a voicemail inbox that was regularly emptied without being checked, an email inbox that was never checked, and basically served as an incredible litmus test for sales people's honesty. We once had someone come in saying they had a meeting booked with Peter - I asked them to sit and wait, called up a high-ranking person in the office, and asked them if Peter was in the office today, because someone was here for a booked meeting with him. Said high-ranking person said please take down all their information and let them know Peter was not in today, could they please email Peter to reschedule. I think we blacklisted that company within a few hours of that salesperson walking out.

Fucking love this.

I also field many cold sales calls and hang up on many pushy sales reps and tbh I’m bringing this idea up to my boss because it’s brilliant.

Someone get @ms-demeanor in the group chat, because this is basically Leverage's worst nightmare.

I am both sides of this equation.

My "how to be a pushy dude with a clipboard" advice is spend more time on socials doing better research, make a lot of low-stakes calls over a long period of time to verify that information, and it often works better to be nice and accommodating than to be grumpy and demanding. Also business cards are cheap and easy to mimic and it's shocking how many people will accept a business card with a professional logo (Hi! I'm from Microsoft now!) as ID. If you get caught in your lie don't get angry, just say "excuse me, I need to check something" and look at your cellphone, say that you're so sorry, you made a mistake, this is not your appointment, and apologize profusely as you're walking away. Depending on what level of nefarious deed you were doing you want to make sure to get out before the cops arrive.

Pushy dude with a clipboard is also pretty high risk, if I'm being honest. Whenever possible it is *much* better to get in with a crowd and attempt to blend in and play dumb if you get caught. This is only effective if you don't get caught doing something extremely suspicious. Don't get caught doing something extremely suspicious.

My "how to shut down pushy dude with a clipboard" defense is always, always, always, always verify that you're only granting access to the correct people.

My script for taking calls - from cold callers to new clients to old clients to vendors - is always the same: "Who's calling, what is this regarding, let me see if my boss is available, no he's not, can I take a message." Most people who are doing annoying sales shit or who are doing something suspicious will not leave a message. If the message is something that I know my boss actually does want to talk to someone about I can now say "oh, actually, one moment, hold on, it looks like his line is open now, let me check again," and transfer the call.

Have an information access policy. Never, ever, ever give information over the phone to someone who has called you who you don't know. "Information" can be anything from your supervisor's name to who is in the office today to passwords to schedules.

Your information access policy should make it very easy to say "I'm sorry, unfortunately I am not authorized to give you that information. Give me your contact information and I can escalate this and the appropriate person will reach out if necessary."

Having a physical access policy is good too. You want to arm your receptionists with the ability to say "I'm not authorized to do that, you will have to wait until [Physical Access Administrator] verifies your access. Please have a seat."

Trying to force physical access by social engineering front desk workers *only* works because front desk workers are worried they'll get in trouble if they keep the wrong person out. They should be MUCH more worried about what happens if they let the wrong person in, and should never, ever, ever be punished or chastised for verifying access rights. It doesn't matter if the person whose access they are blocking is the CEO of the company; if the CEO doesn't have the appropriate credentials or their name on the list with a matching ID then the CEO doesn't get in and that is a FEATURE, not a bug. Desk workers who shut down high-level clients or important vendors without the appropriate credentials should get a week of paid vacation and a bonus, they should not be yelled at.

You should also have a policy for giving information to clients - I work at an MSP so we have records of client passwords and hardware configurations, and the way we avoid getting fucked by this is twofold: One - limit who is allowed to share information (so, for instance, the desktop techs and I are never, ever allowed to share login information, even if it's with a client contact we know personally) and Two - limit who at each client is allowed to receive information by setting designated contacts (so if someone calls asking for information we call our designated contact to give them the information, we don't call the person who requested the information).

But it's really hard to over-emphasize how much these issues are a company culture problem: it's MUCH easier to get into someplace where employees are more scared of being punished for keeping people out than they are of being fired for letting people in.

It's an interesting issue because a receptionist's job used to be "be accommodating and make people feel welcome" and now it is "first line of security" but they are still expected to ACT friendly and, let's be honest, servile and that means it's very easy to make receptionists feel like they're not doing they're job if they're not helping every demanding person who shows up at their desk.

No. Wrong. Bad. Your receptionist is a security employee. Treat them like it. It shouldn't matter if they're extra friendly or have a good phone voice it should matter that they can help people who need it and turn into a brick wall and shut everyone else down.

Let front desk workers say fuck.

magic doesn’t have to be complicated. rub an essential oil on a candle and light it. that person who’s been annoying you? write their name on a piece of paper and freeze it. fill a bowl with saltwater to cleanse your room. find a rock, imagine that it’s whatever you want to banish from your life, and throw it really hard into the street (…don’t hit a car). make a wish on a dandelion or a birthday candle. drink some lemonade for cleansing and positivity. tie a colored ribbon around your bedpost or doorknob. put some flowers on your nightstand.

a spell isn’t more effective just because it involves a bunch of ingredients and incantations and details.

I think a lot of the skepticism and derision toward the idea of "gifted kid burnout" stems from the fact that a lot of folks have no idea what the gifted track in most high schools actually looks like; they've got this mental image, possibly informed by popular media depictions, of "gifted kids" as a privileged group of students who get to go on extra field trips, monopolise the teachers' attention in class, and constantly be told how special they are, but who are otherwise treated identically to all the other kids.

In practice, the gifted track in most high schools – most North American high schools, at any rate – has the same problem as any other educational program: the need to adhere to published metrics. These programs exist for the benefit of students only insofar as those benefits can empirically be measured, which leads to several common outcomes:

The upshot is that the gifted track is often less about fun perks and constant praise, and more about receiving less freedom, fewer resources, and heavier workloads than one's peers, getting strong-armed into providing unpaid labour to the school on top of it, and constantly being told one should be grateful for it – and that's without touching on the fact that the unspoken secondary purpose of many gifted programs is to serve as a quarantine for all the neurodivergent kids the school couldn't find an excuse to institutionalise or expel.

Like, shit, there's a reason kids on the gifted track exhibit elevated rates of alcoholism and substance abuse compared to general student populations. That doesn't arise in a vacuum!

(To be clear, I'm not saying that people graduating from high school and immediately having an existential crisis upon realising they're not special after all isn't a thing that happens, but in my experience that's more usually something that happens to the kids who were on the football team, and reframing it as a nerd culture thing is really weird.)

I personally suspect it was also specifically designed to weed out the kids who couldn't perform at the desired level for an indefinite period of time. If you can't dance like a monkey, what good are you? Gifted kid burnout not just as a symptom, but the system working as intended.

I wouldn't say that's generally the case, based on my familiarity with such programs.

Sure, in schools where performance on the gifted track is used to determine eligibility for certain types of scholarships, the curriculum being deliberately designed to produce a high burnout rate in order to weed out the "unworthy" is definitely a thing that's known to happen.

However, my read is that far more often it's a plain accident; the school administrators are just trying to save a few bucks by, for example, weaseling around child labour laws and using kids on the gifted track as unpaid TAs, and they aren't really thinking about what that's going to do to those kids' academic workloads.