so I don’t really consider this as a happy ending (yet), I’m getting hitched in a matter of days y’all. But yeah, this is just the beginning of our journey together, so let’s take a deep breath and hope for the best.

Anyways, not here to talk about wedding bullshit, but man, looking back to 6 years ago, reading what my younger self wrote, I need to pat her on the back, she got issues man! but boy the way she looks at life, and how she figured everything out is quite amazing. Good job misch!

Now, older (should be wiser) self, has actually adopted several new traits, that even myself hate. And I don’t know whether this is an effect caused by living in this poisonous environment or is it just because older equal to less level of patience, oh my goodness, I get so easily agitated and soooo sensitive. I literally shed tears everyday for no reasons.

Man, I’m about to embark to a totally new chapter, and any version of me is still not ready for it. Or ready but really no clue of what’s to happen. My little description on tumblr describes it quite well, it’s totally a chaotic movie, but I want it to be a beautiful chaotic movie, a beautiful mess (like me...hahaha! JK).

All these silly questions start popping up.

Am I gonna be a good mother?

A good wife?

A good domestic lady?

Am I able to manage money and household..

Am I ever going to stop working..

Will I have to be ready that until I’m old and crippled I need to provide for myself..

Am I gonna be able to travel 4x a year.. cause this is one important point you know, you read my posts, and you definitely can see, It makes me itch when I have to stay in one place for too long.

Which goes to another question, are we financially able to do trips 4x a year?

And what about the kids, will we be able to feed them healthy food? Provide them a++ education? Shower them love and affection but not too much to a point they become so spoiled and dependent on their parents??

... okay now I need my ventolin cause it’s getting kinda uncomfortable here...

Is it wrong for me to have these questions?

Is it wrong for me to post this instead of discussing this with my future partner for life?

my ex always ask me this question,

what is life?

February 2nd, 2009

I wrote a note 8 years ago. Little did I know that most of the things I wrote is still pretty consistent with what I feel about life today. I’ll be writing my 2017 version in bold and they are in reply to the things I wrote.

Rules: Once you've been tagged, you are supposed to write a note* with 25 random things, facts, habits, or goals about you. At the end, choose 25 people to be tagged. You have to tag the person who tagged you. If I tagged you, it's because I want to know more about you. 1. a hopeless romantic but at the same time trying to show that I'm a "ms. independent" =)

1. Man, you still are 2. walk 2.5 miles w/ richard ashcroft, keane, bloc party, mono, jason mraz, n lykke li as my soundtrack in other words i like to walk while shuffling my nano. jahaha!

2. You turn to spotify now, but you do still enjoy those songs above, maybe not Jason Mraz and now you tend to go more towards trippy and dreamy songs. I’d like to add The Knife, Royksopp, What So Not, Flume, and Purity Ring to the list, and of course Beats in Space 3. love.. LOVE .. love daydreaming, vampires, and marvel heroes

3. You are still madly in love with daydreaming, although since you work almost 10 hours a day, you don’t have that much time to daydream, vampires are still on your list of favorite things, marvel heroes are too, but lately been more interested in Extraterrestrial, The Universe, Tarot Cards, and A.Is

4. like to eat alone at whole foods union square n 2nd ave observing people ..

4. Boy, do I want to go back to moments like that, where I can just people watching, since you’re back in Jakarta it’s impossible to do that without looking creepy. Now I’d go to Akasha Express, drive around the crazy traffic of Jakarta, walk to Kemang Village with my earphones and just enjoy my me time. 5. my body and mind doesn't synchronize at all. my body wants to stop eating,, but my mind is on that ayam kremes n mint cookies n cream ice cream. snap! 5. Dearest old Mischa, I hate to say this, but you gain a lot of weight, and finally your mind wins and you end up just enjoying what the world’s cuisine has to offer. Don’t worry you’re happy although you have regrets of letting go your skinny body.

6. have this love n hate relationship with NYC

6. Baby, you shouldn’t have felt that way, because now all you have is that pain of being so far away from Home aka NYC, it is still the best place on earth. 7. i love chocolate covered almonds since I was a kid, but back then i lick all the chocolate n left the almonds for my mom.LOL, n now I eat it for the opposite reason.

7. I rarely eat snacks now, but I do big meals, you love nasi padang now, and indomie, and everything else obviously. 8. i can't leave w/out my parents. n thankful that i'm born into the nasution-sitompul family .

8. There you go, your logic still works, you let go the love of your life in order to be closer to your parents, I hope it pays off. Cause now you’re stuck in Jakarta. 9. my car and tol jakarta karawaci is my way of healing my bad temper.

9. I haven’t done that kind of a drive for a loooong time, now I just stick with driving from home to work and work to home. But a way to heal our bad temper I guess now is probably swimming. You truly enjoy swimming. Or you travel when you have the time.. 10. i can sleep for 10 hours by thinking that I'm on a beach somewhere..

10. We still love sleeping in, but 10 hours of sleep rarely happens now 11. very flexible with friends.. and my true friends know all my silly stuff ..

11. Not just flexible, tolerable, and now you have less quantity and more quality friends 12. can't seem to find the right guy at the right time. there's just always a situation where i have to choose between the two..

12. Poor old mischa, you do still have problems like that, but you did spend 6 years with someone you really loved, but yeah it’s true, the time is just not right. Now, you have a person who could be the right one at the right time. So hopefully this is God’s way to show that we can finally have both. 13. forbidden planet is a place for me to check out some cute geek guys =D

13. Dang, forbidden planet was awesome, you’re still into cute geeky guys, that apparently resembles our dad a bit. Oedipus complex much? 14. i envy free spirited people

14. You became one, the day you were one with the universe. 15. can't wait for my first road trip across the US n Europe.

15. You kinda did this alhamdulillah..both US and Europe, didn’t really do a road trip but you did many great trips. And next on your list South America trip in 2018 (crossing fingers) 16. i wanna die in Mekkah

16. I do want that, but I also want to die in front of the beach puffing Marijuana while saying kalimat Syahadat 17. i wanna try every single food offered in this world..

17. You are in pursue of that, keep going 18. hoping that one day i could have a "panti asuhan" n renovate my kampung Pahae 18. It is slowly looking like it will happen one day, soon enough. Just keep that great dream. And you promised yourself you’ll take care Dwi Putra, the school your ompung and your great ompung build for other people’s happiness.

19. i have so much memories with both of my ompungs. i love them both so much

19. You still do, time to time you would remember them and cry, you would listen to the songs they loved, and eat the food they loved 20. enjoy a good laugh

20. You still do laugh a lot, you’re quite funny and crazy, most part came from stress in work 21. wanna go to a dinner party, a wedding, a family gathering w/ that special someone.

21. Guess what, you kinda found that special someone, you’ve done weddings together, family gathering with the Sitompul, dinner party? Hmm, I won’t call it that but you’ve gone to several events together where both of your friends are present. I’m telling you, he’s special. 22. i want the ability to see my future

22. I want telepathy abilities and be a clairvoyant 23. i really really wanna be successful in life n graduated as a magna cum laude (*don't we all do) 23. Babe, you actually did graduate magna cum laude, and you have a master’s degree in fashion marketing, and you work in product development. I don’t know if that counts as being successful, but you gettin there girl

24. i want twins ..

24. Oh yeah I still do, you still do.. but unfortunately no twin genes in you or that special person. 25. i want that corny, stupid, childish, fun, unstable but stable love.. and have it last for a long long time ..

25. Scratch a long long time, make it forever. And pray that this one person you currently have in your life is that “corny, stupid, childish, fun, unstable but stable love” plus moreeeeee.

Much love,

M in 2017

1 Comment

Lullaby for my cactuses (at Casa Di Mischa)

What's up NYC

Basilica di Santa Maria della Salute

Laundry in the background is a plus ✌️ (at Casa Di Mischa A Milano)

My little corner of imperfection (at Casa Di Mischa A Milano)

at Milano, Piazza Duomo

THE Tree.

In between Life & Death (at Colonne di San Lorenzo)

There was this one moment during my Yosemite-Sequoia Trip that I never shared to anyone except my mom. Cause the one person who is as spiritual and superficial as me is, well, my mom. She would actually listen and be mesmerized by it.

It was nothing out of the ordinary for people in general. But to me, that one moment gave me hope. A hope that whoever is out there, call him God, or The Higher Being, or Mr. Maker Baker, was communicating with me, in one of the most beautiful way a person like me could ask for.

The park ranger told us a little story about this Tree. That thick outer bark dealt with so many fire accidents that some of the parts of the Tree died or got majorly baked, the damage was so intense, that it created a huge deep dark space right in the middle, say, the stomach of the Tree itself. but the awesome thing is, the core of it's body remains alive he said. 

So I went inside the Tree and put both hands on each side of the wall, the term I believe is the Heartwood - the central, supporting pillar of the Tree. I stand, closed my eyes, and said my daily prayers. I called it "I should live by this", it's a mix of sentences made by this author, whom with my deepest apology I couldn't recall the name. But I mixed it with my own words. So hopefully I'm not plagiarizing his words.

Here it goes:

"I am willing to let go of all of the self-doubt and fear today. I forgive myself for getting stuck in that mindset. I am willing to let my spirit, body, soul, mind and heart to be in harmony. I believe in miracles and I am ready to received the power I need to live the life I'm called to live; with love, energy, and focus. Failure is not who I am, only a lesson to make me better. To this day, I have received nothing but blessing and I am grateful for the life God has created for me. I am well in this world and I will always be well in infinity.."

With that being said, I also mentioned my wish for the coming days, months, and year. And I said to the Tree, please be my messenger and tell the Universe to confide in me and support my request. Give me a positive energy and persuade God to grant my wish. 

And all of a sudden, there was this liquid coming down to my right hand. I thought it should be the Tree's sap, but come to think of it the Tree is half alive, how can it still produces sap. And the sap itself wasn't even white or yellow, it was black. I wasn't grossed about it, I thought it was a little miracle and I actually felt like it was like a notification from the Universe. You know that bold headline when you're e-mail has been sent? Well it felt like I don't have to worry, whichever my way of communication with God is, He would still listen and get notified. He will somehow receive my message and read it, and reply it in His on way. 

Well, the moral of my story is not just about ways to communicate with God.  But also to let people who somehow found this letter, to never stop communicating with the Higher Being. Even if it's talking to yourself, there is a God particle inside you, so don't stop communicating. 

Another thing, I know it's odd, but seriously, plants can communicate with us too! They could not speak in our language, but they understand us. They've been our messenger for centuries, and we neglected that idea. I'm not saying to start being an environmentalist, just be more respectful to them, talk to them, say thanks to how much oxygen they have supplied, and use less of them. I am honestly still clueless about other ways to help reducing the production of wood but we can start somewhere, recycle, and use recycled woods, just try and do our part for this earth. 

I would say other than my parents support and me being extra focus. I am currently where I am right now because of the help of the Universe and especially the Trees, who watched and heard my prayers. I know that a lot people does not believe in prayers anymore, but it does work in the weirdest way. 

I hoped, and I dreamt, and it became this reality I am in right now.  

Thank you beautiful Sequoia Trees. I hope even in the future I will always remember you and will still be one with the Universe.

Tell me this is not an amazing little nest, it is close by all the great places in Milano, meaning, the Duomo, the parks, the Fashion District, Navigli, and even the hole in the wall. I am so blessed to be here. I cannot be more grateful to the Universe and to the Greater Power for giving me such an amazing opportunity. I have so far met the most interesting people from allover Europe. And from the day I arrived, which is around 72 hours ago, all I have been doing is learn, learn, and learn. I hope with whatever I grasp from this magnificent city, inclusive with their great people, historical architecture, fashion, culture, and everything in between. I can bring it back to Indonesia and be one of the people who will make a great change to the place I used to call home. Milano, I have a huge crush on you, thank you for having me! 🍷