new years resolutions

raise your hand if you’ve been personally victimized by your own gastrointestinal tract

unknown

go find that right person

(via serious)

Date me I’m the whole package babe, clingy, always asleep when you need me, and a lil ugly

me whenever anybody says that they like me/that i’m their friend

get a man who can do both

🎶 If you're kinky and you know it clap your...

Oh, they’re tied?

Nevermind.

call out post for msyelf

you can also send things in 1 message instead of 9… stop pressing enter…

everytime I hear about children of the corn I think about the guy I met at comic con who actually lived in the town they filmed that movie at, and on the farm where they filmed in the corn. he was a teenager at the time and him and his friends would get drunk on moonshine and rustle the corn and let the air out of the tires of the production team’s trailers and shit. and now there’s Wikipedia pages about how the children of the corn set was haunted and they thought they angered god but it was really just drunk hillbillies

I don’t like adding to posts but I also have a funny story like this, so I was watching the movie the Blair witch which takes place in burkettsville maryland, which to me is so funny because that is were my grandfather lives and the town is literally just old people and cows with their main street consisting of a post office. Well anyway he told me that after it came out people were coming in like bus loads to the town to find the witch and my grandfather lives up in the Mountain area and people were up in his property trying to find the witch and it made him angry so he went out and hung up stick people and stacked rocks and it freaked the people out so they started thinking something was out there when really it was my 80 year old Italian grandpa who wanted people out of his woods.

We had ghost hunters come to a historic house in my town to film and if you think every high school kid in town respectfully stayed at home that night instead of going to fuck up that filming you’re dead wrong.

this is comforting, actually, sometimes paranormal things are just a bunch of bored people dicking around in the woods.

New favorite cryptid: locals

Breaking news:

Girls actually love nice guys, it’s just that you’re not as nice a guy as you think you are.

I find this really hard to believe, as every time I’m interested in a girl she ends up with an asshole and I end up friendzoned or worse.

Imagine being the *exact* type of guy a post was aimed at, but somehow remaining blissfully unaware of that fact…