The engine hissed to life

• Baroness is so upset over Destro talking to another girl that she burns down his entire family inherited Scottish castle, and he keeps her because she's a catch
• The villains are fed up with Cobra Commander being an inept shit, so they create a new guy made up from the DNA of history's greatest monsters, and are surprised when he turns out to be an asshole
• In the obligatory drug episode, Duke's brother and one of the rando villain's sister both get addicted to a made up drug. The villain is very concerned, gets official sick leave from the bad guys, visits her in the hospital and promises her his support no matter what. Duke, the good guy, on the other hand is so upset at his brother for having a drug problem that he basically disowns him and shames him, telling him he's no longer his brother. A real american hero right there
• The drug episode ends with the drug manifacturer dying and exploding and a shot of his mangled hand with giant red letters on screen saying "DRUGS KILL"
• They meet a shirtless guy shooting a commercial in the arctic who asks them if they're his camera team. He teams up with the Joes and we never see his actual camera team so I guess they died
• Cobra Commander is revealed to actually be a snake person in the movie, it's incredibly bad
• There's a guy named Snowjob
• The entire show is disgustingly Too American, like you'd think that's obvious, but it's even more American than you'd initially think
• The animation sucks and that's what kept me going, very funny
• Sgt. Slaughter is in this. The wrestler. He's just in this as himself, he says every line like a wrestling promo, he's the most powerful being in the show, it's a rampant self insert and it's kinda amazing