I know I haven’t been active on here in years, but as someone that ran a kpop themed blog for a few years and was a fangirl of Jonghyun while I was a teenager I just feel like I need to come back to at least send him off with the rest of his grieving fans. 

I wasn’t really keeping up with kpop in general for the past couple of years. Not actively at least. Strangely enough, I found one of Jonghyun’s solo songs on spotify just a couple of months ago without knowing at first and realized this was *our* Jonghyun. As a fan, I was really happy. Happy that he must be doing well... I don’t think that keeping up with kpop one way or another that I ever would have guessed he would leave so exhausted and unhappy. I read the letter and tried understanding. I still do. I know what he felt. I can relate so well, yet even when he says he’s unwell and that he doesn’t have further reason to give for his pain I still question it. I’ve said similar things before, so I should get it, but it’s like.. you’re saying you tried seeking help and nobody listened. What happened? How could’ve we helped? You say that your story wasn’t good enough for them. Were they just disregarding your need for happiness all along? I feel like some lines were cryptic messages, written only to be understood completely by the person it was meant for.  I was really hurt when I found out T.O.P almost successfully left us too. He and Jonghyun were my two bias from my 2 favorite groups as a teen. 

Stigma around mental health and treatment kills people around the world, but in a country where suicide is the leading cause of death for age brackets of 10s, 20s, and 30s -- this attitude really needs to change. I hope that this outpour of concern and “I wish I could’ve been there for you” continues and evolves into a more open conversation about mental health.