Cranky And Slutty

My girlfriend just cancelled an outcall with some dude out in the sticks because she really wasn’t feeling it, and I’m languishing on the couch having a really rough period. I told her she could use me as an excuse to cancel, so she said her girlfriend wasn’t feeling good and she was going to stay home to take care of me.

In an act of raw chivalry, he offered for me to come too, and I could just do free coke in his hot tub while they got busy. So kind! That’s just what my aching body needs, a dehydrating chemical internally while soaking in dehydrating chemicals externally. Okay, okay, I’ll get off my high horse and acknowledge that coke in a hot tub with my girlfriend would be a lot of fun if you cut out the pesky ‘gotta pay attention to a client’ aspect. I’m just so touched to even be thought of😿 That’s sweeter than the time I told a client I was sick so he brought me a care package of beer and vibrators. I’m starting to think clients believe all illness in FSSWs stems from a lack of debauchery. Feeling sick? Don’t worry, there’s tequila and a sex swing at my condo!

I wonder if hobbyists are always asking me for BBFS because they see my completely bare and unprotected iPhone and assume I don’t have the sense god gave a goose.

Does too, if you also read the Wishbone paperbacks. Thanks, Scholastic Book Fair!

I just got my first hobby board review, after deleting all my accounts when I ‘retired’ last year. The guy said my pictures were ‘close enough’, which is a real goddamn head-scratcher because I don’t use filters or any editing at all. Please explain how I don’t look just like the selfies I took two days ago in my fucking house with my fucking makeup and my fucking lack of photography and modeling skills. No extreme flattering angles, no special lighting, just my flabby mid-thirties ass in basic lingerie. This is going to chase around my head all day. How do I not look exactly like me??

Rejecting clients because I need quality time with my special boy.