Promised myself I would never pursue again.

To be fully known and pursued.

To be understood, and loved, even more.

Do I like this guy or is my libido just high? 😌

Dear you,

I know I was the one who kind of ruined it because I wanted to speed things up. Honestly, that was how I was feeling at that moment. I felt you did not like me or want it as much as I did. I felt, why waste time when this guy is not even interested? So, even without two months, I had to know, insistent for an answer. You said, I am not sure. I took it as a No, just sugarcoated; just kind to not or coward to say it blunt. After all, you did not bother following up after.

The thing is, I realized I was rushing, when in fact, it’s okay to not know or to not be sure. It’s okay to say I enjoy your company but I need more time to get to know you. Because that’s what you do, right? To choose is to first know what you are choosing. That’s what makes a choice a meaningful one — it has basis; if it is knowingly made, apprised of its intricacies, consequences, and implications. Otherwise, a choice hastily made, only based on a fleeting feeling, is a shaky one. It is impulsive and rather risky and dangerous for the fickle-minded.

I am well-aware now that I sabotaged it. Maybe, that was the point of meeting you. To be on guard of my personal tendencies when I feel for someone. To be comfortable with the uncertainty of now to make for a better foundation tomorrow. I once read somewhere, “whatever happens tomorrow, what matters is that we’ve had today.”

Did we have today? Or did I lose a chance for it because I was too wary of tomorrow?

Either way, I want to forgive myself. I hope that bearing the cost of your absence, and the helpless feeling of longing that comes along with it, is enough punishment and repentance for my missed chance, for letting go what could have been.

I hope you find someone in the same pace as you — willing to take things slow, to savor every detail and belabor on every story, to listen to your dreams and fears — just enough for you to know her, and for her to know you. For both you to know and to be sure enough to make a choice.

Universe, I am ready to meet him.

Ang sure lang ako, I deserve a sure love. A whole one. Unconditional. Walang pero. Unless it is exactly the kind of love in my door, I am not opening it.

Ayoko na talaga mag-isa HAHA mag 5 years na akong single pls hindi p b enough yon

If I would not have you, why did I have to meet you?

I can be smart and engage with you in mind-stimulating conversations, though it's not my best quality. I am full of love though, and I can love you until we talk about the dumbest things and still can't get enough

THE IRONY. YOU'RE FUCKED UP DUDE HAHAHAHAHA FIX YOUR LIFE AND GET AWAY FROM ME