welcome sunshines.

Beyonce going off on Blue Ivy and then staring at the camera like “the fuck you lookin at” will forever be funny

GOLD

This is the money Patrick. Reblog so money will come your way

“I’m getting back in line.”

OKAY but i just reblogged this last night and guess what i got today from my workplace’s self-audit!

THANK YOU PATRICK FOR FREE MONEY

BLESS ME PATRICK

PATRICK I HAVE NEVER STRAYED YOU KNOW HOW MUCH I LOVED YOU

@billshitposts

*rolls sleeves* aight dude lets get me some money

Can i just *Gets in line*…there

Can I just.. Scuse me .

I KNOW I shouldn’t believe in Money Patrick, buuuuut….

can the united states just chill for one day

bitch the USA hasn’t chilled since fuck boy Chris sailed his ass here by mistake

it’s official velma dinkley started the mommy kink back in 2004

I love drunk me but I don’t trust her

omg yesterday at work my boss handed me a cheque and was like ‘i need you to deliver it to this building, it’s quite a large amount of money so be careful’ and i looked at it and it was just over 1.4 million dollars

1.4 MILLION DOLLARS

someone out there in this world thought i was emotionally mature enough to just fuckin…. carry…… in my own two hands….. 1.4 million dollars…. for 3 city blocks….. in the slight wind…..

let me fuckin tell you i have never been more stressed in my ENTIRE LIFE my palms were sweaty knees weak arms spaghetti i was carrying 1.4 million packets of gum in my hands AND IT WAS WINDY WHAT IF I HAD DROPPED IT?? WHAT IF 1.4 MILLION DOLLARS HAD JUST BEEN FLOATING AROUND THE CITY IN THE WIND???? like do you even god damn understand how many packets of gum that is 

i bet nobody in the world has even SEEN 1.4 million packets of gum at once and there i was LITTLE OLD ME with the power to PURCHASE 1.4 MILLION PACKETS OF GUM AND I WAS JUST WALKIN AROUND IN THE SLIGHT WIND AND nobody… KNEW… NOBDOY WHO WALKED PAST ME… COULD UNDERSTAND… THE POWER… THE GUM… IN MY POSESSSION 

and then i got to the building and it was so fancy the doorman who was probably 40 years older than me called me ma’am and i didn’t know how to respond so i laughed nervously and said thank you which i don’t think is actually the appropriate response to someone calling you ma’am now that i think about

AND THEN I GOT TO THE OFFICE OF THE GUY WHO IW AS GIVING THE CHEQUE TO AND MY HANDS WERE SHAKIN AND HE JUST TOOK IT SO CASUALLY AND SAID THANK YOU AND WALKED BACK INTO HIS OFFICE AND I WANTED TO BE LIKE MARK BUDDY DO YOU EVEN KNOW HOW MANY PACKETS OF GUM YOU ARE VIRTUALLY HOLDING RIGHT NOW but i didn’t because mark is the kind of person who just casually takes 1.4 million dollar cheques from people and i’m terrified of him 

THIS IS THE BEST STORY IVE EVER READ THANK YOU FOR SHARING

dont catch feelings you’ll die

no offense but why am i a dumb bitch who doesnt take her own advice

When you’re a Kardashian for the day

I’m showing this to my mom the next time she asks why I can’t find a boyfriend

Leonardo Dicaprio’s standing ovation at the 88th Academy Awards

DHANDHAHSBAGGS