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Suicide prevention is not easy.

“Just tell someone” they say. “Just open up. ” “Even if they don’t understand they’ll still help you. ” “It all gets better when you let people in. ” “Seeking help is much easier. ”

“tell someone so they can cheer you up”

It’s all bullshit. It’s not fucking easy. How am I supposed to tell someone that for the last few weeks all my mind can concentrate on is my own death and how to tell someone and what would happen if I do. How do I tell someone that I need to go to hospital immediately before I fucking kill myself, because lord knows a few counselling sessions is going to fix this. What if my parents can’t afford hospital, or what if they don’t understand how serious I am. What if I don’t want help at all, what if i do want to kill myself?

—neon genesis evangelion (1995)

Shortly it will happen

24/7

gif by blck-xcvi.tumblr.com

so I haven’t logged in here for a while. I took a long break for my own recovery but now I’m back. Depression and anxiety have got a lot worse and my ED is the only thing that drags me out of that and right now it’s the only thing keeping me sane, I know that sounds crazy. I need this platform to feel. 

I deserve the pain, I deserve to feel hungry and I deserve to be alone because I’m just bad bad bad, bad to the bone. I’m good for nothing and I’m dumb and disgusting and rude and I just want attention, I’m trash, and I deserve to die

‪‘ready to be heartbroken’ ‬