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Kawaii in the sheets

@illogical-kawaii-potato / illogical-kawaii-potato.tumblr.com

autistic and unhinged
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< i mean if i arose the corpse of a young gentlemen from the dead that understood me, cared for me more than anyone else ever had and purposed to me with a peach ring .. I’d have no choice but to fall in love with him, make sweet love to him and spend eternity with him. i don’t make the rules. >

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I just realized the amount of guilt i carry for things that may not have even been necessarily my fault. Im sure it's something from my chuldhood about my patents making me feel guilty for not being the type of child they wanted and i was scapegoated alot. Its still facinates me how the conditions you grow up in really can fuck you up emotionally as an adult.

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You know, it's so funny. So, every so often I go back to the posts I wrote years ago for certain reasons. This time, I was trying to see what themes are going to be relevant for the upcoming eclipse in libra which just so happened to have alst happen in March of 2016. So I know I was gonna run into my depressive posts. Reading them always make me sad cause I really was truly broken at the time. And when I think of my past self, all I can think of is how much olive she deserved and how much she deserved to love herself and feel whole. I wasn't so kind to her back then and I wish I was. She deserved so kuch more than she got. But it's also funny because at the time, all the posts were how about ho unhappy i felt on my relationship at the time. I really had convinced myself to stay because I thought he would change. And one post I said I would be sad about him forever and you know what..I am. Anytime I see him I get sad. Not because I want him back or anything but because the feelings will always be there. He was an important part to my growth and I'm thankful for the time I had with him, but I also can't believe I predicted always being sad when it came to him. I made peace woth it now. I don't f9rce myself to feel anything else and whenni have been around him the most recent times, I've been able to be cordial. It's just..so funny when I dove into the past. Cause I don't even recognize who I used to be. I'm overall happier and in a healthier place mentally. I respond to emotions alot better and I don't give up all the time, I just keep going. I do think about what it would have been like had I've felt the way I do about things back then and if that relationship would have survived i had I been mentally healthier but then I stop cause there's no point in what ifs. Those are answers I'm never gonna know because the reality is what I'm living through now. I still did not find anything for march 2016 either. Like my themes I'll be facing this eclipse season. I'm hoping I've learned the lessons from back then so the eclipse doesn't fuck me up.

I think the theme was to chill and shut the fuck up cause ive been straight chilling this entire eclipse season and everything has been calm.

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you have GOT TO get yourself a silly undead trans boyfriend and give him bottom surgery with the dick he chopped off a guy u were into who was also a huge jerk. like fr u have to try it. trust me.

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I feel myself just continuously falling in love with my bf. I don't really like looking people on the eyes but I want to stare into his. Like, my heart feel so full when I'm with him or even just seeing him for a second. I want to literally give him the world.

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