dominick 💛🌸💛

netflix is about to lose so many subscribers. like they think blocking password sharing is the answer when in reality they're almost exclusively hurting pissed off families with split living situations & people who don't have constant access to wifi. these people and the people they shared their pw with are not going to be like "aw darn well better make another account for my son in college and pay double now :)" they're gonna say "well this fucking sucks and isn't worth the money anymore" and CANCEL Netflix ahdhdjakajajdjsjakssjsj

no, you know what? respect. he put his mouth where his money is and experienced consequences immediately. every american politician should be taking fucking notes and opt out of government health insurance. out of pocket you entitled fucks. the punjab chief minister is more committed than you ever were

HOLY FUCK THE AMAZON WORKERS WON THEIR UNION VOTE

im running so late to this but holy fucking shit this is historic

last thing - while unions are obviously a collaborative effort and this incredible victory is the result of the hard work and sacrifices of many different people i think it’s absolutely essential to highlight the role of ALU’s founder chris smalls rn

chris was fired by amazon in 2020 for organizing a walk-out in the wake of their absolutely criminal handling of covid protocols in staten island. in a meeting with bezos and other amazon execs amazon’s lawyer was caught bragging that he wasnt “smart” or “articulate” enough to organize against them…now he’s helped facilitate the first successful union vote in amazon’s history - eat shit!

HELL YEAH BABES

no phone i did not “miss a call” i watched it ring the whole time

“ yOu wAnt a PieCE of ME?” “YES!” *bites a bitch*

Elmo commits murder

Elmo off the shits

YOU WANT A PIECE OF ELMO WILL ALWAYS BE WITH ME

Pedro: Who does Oscar Isaac look like?

Oscar: I get David Krumholtz often—

Pedro: oH *wheeze* i remember whO you look LIKE!

Oscar: who’s that?

Pedro: that MUPPET I tOld you aBOUT!

Oscar: *wheeze* what muppet??

Pedro: *laughs* the—the

Oscar: *lightly slaps Pedro’s face*

Pedro: the-the grumpy eagle! *continues to laugh*

Oscar: the grumpy eagle???!

Pedro: remember!?

Oscar: oh, cause of the eyebrows??

Pedro: *fucking dying of laughter*

Oscar: malo

There’s a quote from Bert where he says he‘s “known big bird since he was a little bird” and the thought of it makes my heart cry so here’s that

actually supervillains with kid hero nemeses are hysterical bc if i was a billionaire and i found out the kid who was also my nemesis was a preteen orphan i would simply adopt them. oh you’re going to stop my nefarious schemes? how when you’re grounded. go to your room

the trick is be a good parent so they don’t wanna fight you. son if you topple my criminal empire how will i pay for your college? reverse batmanning

Weaponized guilt. Son you’re out on a school night? When you have that big science test tomorrow? I thought you’d be studying…getti g some rest…no I’m not mad I’m just. Well a little disappointed I guess. What do you mean this wouldn’t be happening if I’d stop robbing banks their insurance covers it son money isn’t real

Who’s this guy is he your “sidekick”? That’s so cute when are you having him over for dinner. I’m not teasing I think it’s sweet I’m glad you’re making friends. Side note how durable is he I’m about to throw a car at you

Dog wants to sit next to human.

This might be the cutest thing I’ve seen all…year? At least all month?

Potatoes! 🥔

oh my god the little stomps

Source

While it would be horrifying regardless, this post fails to mention (although the source does) that Phi Pham is not from Vietnam. His parents were Vietnamese refugees who ended up in the Philippines, where he was born, and from there he legally emigrated to the US where he has lived the majority of his life. He is facing deportation to a country that he is not a legal citizen of, that he has never been to, and where he knows no one. He is not unique in this situation, the US government increasingly deports refugees to "countries of origin" that they have never been to.

Iron Man 2 was funny as fuck like imagine you’re battling a terminal illness and at the end of what is arguably the worst week of your life some guy shows up and is like “we’ve been conducting a secret job interview for a position you didn’t apply for and we’ve decided to reject you” and you just go “alright fuck you too then” and revolutionize the energy business.

like cool if you dont want me why even tell me it's not like i applied

Me meeting a genie: Okay, so my first wish is for 1000 dollars a day, deposited to my bank account without any way of tracing it to anything illegal. I want this money to come from the ten richest people in America (100 dollars each), withdrawn under the guise of nebulous, random purchases and surcharges. It would probably be best to split the money into a myriad of smaller fees, though, to reduce the likelihood of anyone noticing. Got all that?

Genie: um

Me, continuing on without a care: For my SECOND wish, I want you to give me the ability to learn any given phoneme, so that I can learn to pronounce new languages perfectly. If you're willing, it'd be nice if it were a little easier to memorize new languages too, but if that's not cool, I'm perfectly fine doing all the legwork myself I mostly just want to be capable of pronouncing things correctly.

Genie, now staring at me like I'm insane: ......okaaayyy?....

Me: For my third wish. I want to always have great ideas for gifts for people. Every birthday, every holiday, I want to be able to come up with something they'd really like, with enough time to actually get it for them.

Genie, just staring at me

Me: I can provide you with a written document if that would help.

people like op are the ones that get memorialized in folk tales for outwitting the devil

I havent seen very much of Detective Pikachu but Im ready to be the most annoying bastard in Ryme city, pulling around my partner pokémon Grimer in a wagon at all times

some jerk: wow thats gross and dangerous

me: you fool. you utter buffoon. you think I feed my beloved pet industrial waste? you think I let him drink pesticides and herbicides?? You think I give him access to fucking sewage??? He eats exclusively recyclables and biodegradible trash. If we took political action to limit pesticide usage and force huge companies to stop dumping waste in unsafe areas, the Grimer and Muk population could all be much healthier and safer to be around. In this TED talk, I will

YES my partner is a Grimer. YES I carry rubber gloves on my person at all times so I can pet him when he is a good boy. WE EXIST.

OP what is his name

Scrungus

Excuse ME! You and Scrungus are a DELIGHT.

I am cackling at a decade/two decades-plus of prequels-era hate being followed up by Ahsoka getting her own show, and Obi-Wan McGregor getting HIS own show WITH Hayden Christensen in it. 😂

I WILL TAKE THAT MARTINI WITH EXTRA CERTAIN-KIND-OF-FANBOY TEARS THANKS

I can’t stop laughing at this. So many years of “nobody likes Ahsoka”, “we all agree the prequels were irredeemably awful and nobody enjoyed them”, “everyone thought Hayden was terrible and there is zero chance they will ever ask him to come back”, “they’ll never finish TCW, the prequel era is dead and Star Wars cartoons are embarrassing” and “Disney is right to distance themselves from the prequels entirely because no one liked them”…what must it be like to be wrong about so many things, I wonder.

*kicks back and lights up an imaginary cigar while Sheev-style laughing*

*cackles and opens another bottle of champagne*

They were right, I didn’t expect that.