Dude

Stress having physical effects is so stupid your body's just like "you've been having a real shit time and I'm about to make it worse" I hope you die I hope we both die

kittens conversation:

hey we are all really small do you want to sleep in a pile

other kittens: yeah

I don't know who needs to hear this but you've probably got vegetables in your fridge that are starting to go a little off so you should probably plan on making a frittata or a pot of soup in the next couple days.

I don't know who needs to hear this but almost every bit of fresh produce you've got that might be about to go off can likely be safely frozen for use later if you want to keep it, and that the amount of waste generated by consumers is a tiny portion of food waste generally and you're not a bad or wasteful person if you forgot your veggies or you weren't feeling well enough to cook.

This post is almost a year old and my favorite thing about it is that it is still circulating and periodically someone will tag it #MY PARSNIPS or some other forgotten vegetable and I get a tiny little snapshot of harried people living their lives and making dinner.

I wish my job was hanging out and having fun ($1000/hr)

I just spent money on things I wanted...

parents when they can’t get a hold of you: “i called TWICE AND YOU DIDN’T PICK UP”

me when i can’t get a hold of my parents: “I BROKE MY LEG. I CALLED UR CELL 11 TIMES, UR WORK PHONE 7 TIMES, AND SENT YOU 23 TEXTS, AND NO RESPONSE”

my parents: “wow sorry i was busy”

my parents were like im going to make a daughter that is so beyond help

oh, to be a dutch resident armed with rotten eggs,

Should’ve checked whether anyone in my house likes eggs before we got chickens. I have 67 eggs that need eating.

Images that make you enter a fugue state

“this pillow works better if your a back sleeper” bitch I’m a rotisserie chicken sleeper I don’t stop turning until sleep rips me forcefully from this world

tumblr users complaining about tumblr

hello male writer. before you is a typewriter. you have one day to write a novella with a woman as the protagonist without describing her breasts. the timer begins now

Her ass was like a peach, and brother I’m in her pit.

well. that one’s on me

next week will be the end of january.. february is like 2 days long. so march will come super fast and so will easter. summer will come and go, then christmas. basically 2022 is finished happy new year everyone