I'm just saying, if there's a curse that runs along your family line and you don't tell your kids about it, how the hell are they supposed to go on a quest to stop it?

Tell your children about your medical history.

whenever i'm trying to talk myself out of buying something i don't need i always hear my old russian professor's voice echoing in my head: "WHAT??? WILL YOU DIE THE RICHEST MAN IN THE GRAVEYARD?" and then i make an unwise financial decision

wish i could call in bitchy to work

sorry boss can’t work today. i woke up and i feel like a total cunt. can’t be trusted with customers

can we stop promoting the idea that nature has to look beautiful to be good?

Discworld and Hitchhiker's Guide are siblings. twins who walked in different directions. i dont have to explain. u get it.

Discworld Heritage Post

I am once again thinking about digging holes

It's so fucked up that digging a bunch of holes works so well at reversing desertification

I hate that so much discourse into fighting climate change is talking about bioenginerring a special kind of seaweed that removes microplastics or whatever other venture-capital-viable startup idea when we have known for forever about shit like digging crescent shaped holes to catch rainwater and turning barren land hospitable

Cowboy who introduces himself by telling you often and hard he cries feels like a tumblr text post

I’m a teacher assistant for spanish grammar and the professor was explaining epícenos (single gendered words that encompass masculine and feminine beings) and he was using iguana as an example and he said: “there is only one gender… iguana” and i had to mute my microphone

“there is only one gender… iguana”

Attached image is a cartoon iguana surfing with a speech bubble

@bunjywunjy this you?

yes

I had a vision and I had to put it on paper

Gary Larson is still alive ?

Me, plunking Stinky Bastard Man’s carrier on the counter: hi he’s here for shots and a nail trim and he’ll need to be sedated

Nurse: Are you sure? We can try-

Me: he needs to be sedated

Nurse: Well, it’ll take longer-

Me: he needs to be sedated, he will try to rip your face off

Nurse: Well we’ll try without first and we’ll let you know if we need to sedate

Me, watching her carry him away: you will need to sedate him

Nurse, coming back 10 minutes later clutching her hand: so, we will need to sedate him

Me:

A man with 3 caution stickers on his med file

Since this post blew up and people have asked for this villain’s record, here are some of Stinky Bastard Man’s more heinous crimes:

Ripped an escape hole

in the patio screen door

in a single night

Beep boop! I look for accidental haiku posts. Sometimes I mess up.

oh my god he’s THIS Stinky Bastard Man!!!!

the stinky bastard man, the stinky bastard myth, the stinky bastard legend

Whatever its called to have these kinds of colourful squares in your home i want it

Look

tiktok is such an awful app, it's almost designed to feed you misinformation and expose you to insane discourse. unlike beloved tumblr, the app that feeds me misinformation and exposes me to insane discourse

No, no, no, you see on tiktok an algorithm feeds you misinformation. On Tumblr I feed myself misinformation from my charcuterie board of hand-selected unhinged mutuals.

None of that mass market junk. Only artisanal, small batch, sustainably cultivated, fair trade horseshit.

IMPORTANT REMINDER TO MY EUROPEAN FOLLOWERS AND OTHER TUMBLR DENIZENS FROM AN AMERICAN DESERT-DWELLER:

Climate change is a bitch and summer is coming. If you don’t already have an air conditioner and/or fans, NOW is the time to get them.

THINGS YOU SHOULD BE SHOPPING FOR NOW:

—clothes made of cotton or linen

—air conditioner

—fans

—frozen meals that can be cooked in the microwave

—potable bottled water; you want five days’ worth per person and pet in your household

—bottled fruit juices; it does not matter if these are sugar-added because you’ll want the electrolytes

—electrolyte drinks

—electrolyte pills (you can get these online, I get mine from Amazon)

—popsicle molds to use with fruit and juice

—ice cube trays

—nonperishable salty snacks like peanuts

—one charger brick per adult in case of rolling blackouts or power outages; charge these at the beginning of May, and drain them via use once a month if they’re not needed

YOUR TO-DO LIST:

—check your home’s HVAC system if you didn’t do it at the beginning of winter. Make sure all the filters are clean and replace them if needed

—check the seals on your sinks and bathtub in case you have to run water to handle shortages

—make and freeze meals you can cook in the microwave or simply defrost. Remember to select light summer fare, not hearty winter soups and gravies

—purchase and freeze lunch meats and cheeses you can defrost and use this summer for sandwiches when it’s hot

—assemble your check-in list: elderly, pregnant, disabled, and immunocompromised friends and relatives who may struggle to get things they need when the heat wave hits. Have this list posted and ready to go through daily once the heat gets high. DON’T JUST ASSUME YOU WILL REMEMBER. WRITE IT ALL DOWN.

—create a list of emergency contacts in case of fire, heat stroke, and other heat-related emergencies. This should include your local version of 911 (I think in most of Europe it’s 112, but don’t rely on me as an American, LOOK IT UP NOW before you need it), your doctor’s phone number, and two emergency contacts. Keep it in a place where it can be easily found if someone needs to make these calls on your behalf.

—ask your doctor for an additional prescription for any medications you take, and fill it now. Extreme heat can cause disruptions in the supply chain. Make sure you cycle these meds; that’s to say, always use your oldest bottle first so you don’t end up with expired meds in an emergency.

—stock your first-aid kit. If you don’t have one, now is a good time to make one.

—if you own a car, get your yearly maintenance done now. You don’t want to be dealing with an inoperable vehicle if you need to evacuate.

Staying safe this summer starts now. Get your prep done.

Someone in the notes tagged this as yet another sign of Tumblr’s aging user base, and while this is kind of true (I’m 35), if you are a European minor I ENCOURAGE YOU STRONGLY TO SHARE THIS POST WITH YOUR ADULTS. If these are not things you can do yourself—I don’t expect a 15-year-old to know how to check the HVAC filters, for example, although if you’re old enough to be on Tumblr you’re definitely old enough to learn how to do it—enlist those around you who can.

This isn’t just a post for the adults. It’s for teenagers to use to educate their families and those around them, as well. I want ALL of you safe in July. (And yes, as we get a bit closer to the summer months I’ll make another post detailing how to utilize the items I’ve told you to purchase now.)

reminder that digital libraries aren’t owned, also why pirating digital content is a necessity

Very Silly Concept: a show called "Accessibility Nightmares" but it's structured exactly like Kitchen Nightmares. An accessibility specialist goes to different establishments and helps them make their businesses more accessible.

The accessibility specialist asks why the door at the top of the small set of stairs has a wheelchair symbol on it. The owner replies that's the accessible bathroom. The camera zooms in on the specialist as they process this information.

A customer with a service dog comes in to a restaurant. The hostess tells them they don't allow dogs. The accessibly specialist looks over at the hostess like

And there are web accessibility episodes too. The accessibility specialist stares at the white text on the light pink background of the home page like

The specialist asks why not a single product picture has alt text, and the business owner says "Well I mean, it's makeup, why would a blind person be shopping for makeup?" The specialist just

The specialist asks the web designer how a screen reader user is supposed to complete the captcha portion of the password reset process when there is no audio alternative. The designer admits they don't know.

When you left this tag three days ago, I thought "that's so sweet, but no. No way this concept is even close to that popular."

[ID: Four pictures of Gordon Ramsay in various states of confusion. /end ID]

This is it. This is my job. This is what I do for a living. I make those faces and then I tell my uncaring monitor exactly what is wrong with this website and what the site owner needs to do to fix it with all the fucks I can’t put in official work documents sprinkled liberally throughout.

And now I will be picturing Gordon Ramsey when I do it.

i have a disgusting amount of dreams that just involve me identifying birds like i come out of my dreams with lists of birds that i saw and i was like "i know who that is. Great Blue Heron. Cedar Waxwing"