Avatar

Too Much Nick

@nickdouglas / toomuchnick.com

Personal site of Nick Douglas, TV character Twitterer, co-creator of Jaywalk Cop, and 1/3 of the podcast Let's Get Into It.
Avatar
reblogged

On the subject of orwell and his rancid anticommunism, his flagship title "animal farm" is not simply a "satire of the USSR"; it is a full and total repudiation of the idea of proletarian rule at all. The entire book depicts the workers as dumb and incapable and easily manipulated by leaders. This is a fully aristocratic view of the proletariat and entirely anti-proletarian. This should be no surprise to people who are familiar with orwell's opinions and past, including the fact that he has "never been able to dislike Hitler" (actual quote, March 21, 1940) and that he was a colonialist cop.

Avatar
txttletale

i've always thought about this whenever anarchists talk about animal farm or 1984 positively. in animal farm the proletariat arep ortrayed as literal sheep who blindly repeat whatever the ruling class tells them. in 1984 the proletariat (or 'proles') are portrayed as easily led fools incapable of excercising political agency, as well as being incurious, dirty, and lucky (!) to not face the brutal oppression faced by that most put-upon of classes, the educated middle class (!). just two novels that reveal a deep revulsion and disdain for ordinary workers

Avatar
reblogged
Avatar
timplatt

we have gone astray

He also fucking drowned himself. I feel like your forgetting that. Like I get what your saying but. The word “Narcissist” comes from his name. Like he died looking at his own reflection. Like he would NOT STOP looking at his own reflection- I feel like we could make a better parallel here. You could make plenty of social commentary using Narcissus- J-just, like. He drowned himself. FYI. JSYK. BTW.

we cannot make a better parallel. this ancient myth is about clout and likes.

Avatar
nickdouglas

We must imagine Narcissus happy

Avatar
reblogged
Avatar
txttletale

the historical source we have for understanding much of the early roman empire are so fucking bad. like whenever you hear any insane story about tiberius/caligula/nero/commodus/elagabalus imagine trying to put together an account of any modern figure if your only avaiable sources were tucker carlson archives and the daily mail

sure! so, the problem with classical historiography is an extreme paucity of sources. many, many contemporary histories of the early roman empire just don't exist anymore--we know about many of these, because they are referenced, cited, and quoted by works that we do have--but they just fell out of circulation in the 2000-odd years since they were written and there are simply no remaining copies.

this means that the later we go back, the more we have to rely on a smaller number of sources, which were also on average written later after the events they describe, which have also often only survived in abridged, incomplete, or translated form. obviously, there's no such thing as an 'unbiased' source, so the best way to get an accurate picture of historical events is to try and read as broadly as possible and make comparative assessments of different claims and the positions from which these claims are made -- this is really fucking difficult for a lot of Roman history, because often the number of sources describing a specific event will be in the low single digits.

as an example, let's take something that's a bit of a stir recently because of a museum doing some dumb shit to the equally dumb anger of apoplectic transphobes: the assertion that emperor elagabalus was 'transgender'.

we have three (!) substantive Roman histories of the reign of elagabalus: the contemporary cassius dio and herodians' accounts and the sensationalist and mostly-fabricated 4th-century historia augusta. now, all three of these describe him as effeminate, certainly: but these are claims that need to be contextualised. when elagabalus ascended to power, he was the high priest of a syrian cult worshipping the solar diety of the same name. the stereotype of the effeminate, barbaric foreigner from the east was a very prevalent one in the ruling class discourses of the roman empire: herodian is very clear that elagablus' effeminacy is inextricably tied to his easterness:

Leaving Syria, Elagabalus proceeded to Nicomedia, where he was forced by the season of the year to spend the winter. Immediately he plunged into his mad activities, performing for his native god the fantastic rites in which he had been trained from childhood. He wore the richest clothing, draping himself in purple robes embroidered in gold; to his necklaces and bracelets he added a crown, a tiara glittering with gold and jewels. His dress showed the influence of the sacred robe of the Phoenicians and the luxurious garb of the Medes. He loathed Greek and Roman garments because they were made of wool, in his opinion an inferior material; only the Syrian cloth met with his approval. Accompanied by flutes and drums, he went about performing, as it appeared, orgiastic service to his god. When she saw what Elagabalus was doing, Maesa was greatly disturbed and tried again and again to persuade the youth to wear Roman dress when he entered the city to visit the senate. She was afraid that his appearance, obviously foreign and wholly barbaric, would offend those who saw him; they were not used to such garb and considered his ornaments suitable only for women

— Herodian, Book VI (emphasis mine)

the clarity with which Herodian makes this link is very helpful in considering how we conceptualize the accusations -- and they are accusations, they are intended to be read in a profoundly negative light by their audiences as signs of foreign decadence and perversion -- made by Cassius Dio. it gives us some hint of the constellation of tropes which the Romans had around foreign gods, foreigners (and Easterners specifically), and effeminacy.

Cassius Dio himself was also very much favoured in the government of Elagabalus' successor, Severus Alexander, who came to power after Elagabalus, his mother, and several influential figures in his court were assassinated by the imperial bodyguard. understanding these tropes and Cassius' natural inclination to flatter Elagabalus' successor, the reigning emperor and therefore his patron, we might therefore rightly treat Cassius' extravagant accounts of Elagabalus' behaviour, with great skepticism!

so, like, what was elagabalus' deal, then? we just don't know, because these three sources, all bound up in the Roman cultural image of degenerate Eastern effeminacy, one of them comically unreliable and noncontemporary, are all we have! there is of course, some archeological evidence: coins bearing inscriptions of the meteorite which Elagabalus' cult worshipped seem to confirm parts of the narrative wrt Elagabalus trying to introduce the primacy of his own god into Roman publc life: but there are no accounts from sources who were close to or knew Elagabalus, let alone anything from Elagabalus himself!

so, like, was Elagabalus 'transgender'? (leaving aside the question of applying modern frames of queer sexuality/presentation/etc to ancient subjectivities, which is a different if slightly related can of worms). well, the quotation typically given by supporters of this reading is generally from Cassius Dio, attributed directly to Elagabalus:

"Call me not Lord, for I am a Lady."

wow, seems pretty open and shut, doesn't it? now let's put it in context:

Aurelius Zoticus, a native of Smyrna, whom they also called "Cook," after his father's trade, incurred the emperor's thorough love and thorough hatred, and for the latter reason his life was saved. This Aurelius not only had a body that was beautiful all over, seeing that he was an athlete, but in particular he greatly surpassed all others in the size of his private parts. This fact was reported to the emperor by those who were on the look-out for such things, and the man was suddenly whisked away from the games and brought to Rome, accompanied by an immense escort, larger than Abgarus had had in the reign of Severus or Tiridates in that of Nero. He was appointed cubicularius before he had even been seen by the emperor, was honoured by the name of the latter's grandfather, Avitus, was adorned with garlands as at a festival, and entered the palace lighted by the glare of many torches. Sardanapalus, on seeing him, sprang up with rhythmic movements, and then, when Aurelius addressed him with the usual salutation, "My Lord Emperor, Hail!" he bent his neck so as to assume a ravishing feminine pose, and turning his eyes upon him with a melting gaze, answered without any hesitation: "Call me not Lord, for I am a Lady." Then Sardanapalus immediately joined him in the bath, and finding him when stripped to be equal to his reputation, burned with even greater lust, reclined on his breast, and took dinner, like some loved mistress, in his bosom. But Hierocles fearing that Zoticus would captivate the emperor more completely than he himself could, and that he might therefore suffer some terrible fate at his hands, as often happens in the case of rival lovers, caused the cup-bearers, who were well disposed toward him, to administer a drug that abated the other's manly prowess. And so Zoticus, after a whole night of embarrassment, being unable to secure an erection, was deprived of all the honours that he had received, and was driven out of the palace, out of Rome, and later out of the rest of Italy; and this saved his life.

okay, so: the context for this quotation, which Dio attributes to Elagabalus, is: he is saying this to an athlete, who he has had brought to him by the men he hires to find men with gigantic penises, before his other gay lover poisons the athelete with limp-dick pills and Elagabalus, enraged that the man cannot fuck his ass because of this, banishes him from Italy. we might, i think, fairly say, that this is far from a neutral recounting of the emperor's own words, and i think we may in fact go further and say that this seems very obviously an overwrought scandalous fabrication. but putting all that aside: how does Cassius Dio know the emperor said this? he does not seem to have been present at this event -- if he spoke to someone who was, or pulled from the written account of someone who was, or if he pulled this from someone who also wasn't there, or if it was revealed to him in a dream -- we don't know! we have no way of knowing if any of this happened, or what real events it might have been based on. we literally just don't know, and it's unlikely we'll ever know!

and, y'know, this is just one example. there are countless stories about roman emperors doing crazy sex acts and enacting ridiculous violence, and in many cases these are obviously written to flatter their succcessors who came to power when they were murdered -- and they're still all we have. so. it's kind of a bind. we know that the pictures of caligula, nero, commodus, elagabalus, and all the other 'bad emperors' are inaccurate, probably full of slander and exaggeration from their political enemies -- but we have very little else to go on to try and build a 'more accurate' picture of what they might actually have been like as individuals or as administrators. and

this is a problem that plagues not only these controversial individuals but entire societies, wars, epochs of history -- huge chunks of our modern understnading of Sparta comes from Plutarch, writing centuries after it stopped existing as an independent polity. other chunks come from Thucydides and Xenophon who, while more contemporaneous, were Athenians who never set foot in Sparta. and this is something i think that people who talk about ancient history in a like, casual sense really don't grasp, that it is genuinely just impossible to know for sure how much of what scant sources we have is true or not, except in the cases where things can be independently confirmed by archeological evidence. it's fascinating but daunting! and it's frustrating how often it's collapsed down into silly debates like 'was elagabalus trans' that can't possibly be answered in any meaningful way.

Avatar
Avatar
utopians

No experience more viscerally humiliating than walking through a heavily populated building with squeaky shoes. Look at me doing my little clown walk across the entire length of the building. Dumbass squeaking noises ringing out with every step. Sounds like I'm walking on two guinea pigs. I wish I was dead

Avatar
reblogged

me, flirting: "you can buy a singular banana off amazon for 40 cents. How is it this cheap? A plantation in Latin America grows hundreds of millions of bunches of bananas, harvested by workers paid cents for the hour. Those hundreds of thousands of tons of bananas are trucked to a port and loaded on a ship flying the Panama flag. Its crew, like the truck driver and the banana harvesters, are paid cents on the hour and come from the poorest regions on the planet. It is shipped to a port where it is loaded onto trucks whose drivers are crushed by the rent-to-own schemes the vast majority of truckers operate on and brought to a warehouse, where it is logged by a minimum wage worker into inventory. The inventory then updates on the site, where those thousands of tons of bananas are sold for 40 cents a pop. If all thousands of tons of bananas are sold, hell, even if half of them are sold, amazon would've made off like bandit for the total cost of growing, harvesting, shipping, and logging those bananas are a minuscule fraction of the cost of that singular banana, perhaps, even less than a cent per banana. anyway, wanna kiss? :3"

Avatar

I wish I was a female tiger because then if I was talking to someone and I was getting off topic I could say “but I tigress,” and then kill and eat them because I am a tiger

Avatar
reblogged

I think we should bring back that thing everyone did in 2014 where you badly photoshop two characters from entirely different media together to look like they’re in love. This is my proposal for doc ock x glados please consider

It's a horse girl movie but they both think the other is the horse

You are using an unsupported browser and things might not work as intended. Please make sure you're using the latest version of Chrome, Firefox, Safari, or Edge.