don’t worry everyone the doctor who wiki has everything under control

was??

The he/theys are taking over!!!!

Congratulations to elliot page!!!!!!!!!!!

when did “lmao” become shorthand or w/e for “i’m fucking suffering”

lamenting my anguish online

friend: texts slightly different from how they normally text me: if u want me dead so bad why don’t u just tell me lol

tip: if ur neurotypical and ur reblogging a relatable self-deprecating text post and op has “bpd” in their url, that post is not for you

so, you’re saying neurotypicals have no business trying to relate to someone with bpd? that seems kind of bigoted to me.

i understand wanting to have something of your own, but i mean, if everybody on tumblr just kept to themselves, there would be no tumblr.

of course neurotypicals can relate to bpd symptoms. the difference is, people with bpd feel it to a much larger extent. text posts like one i once made:

some neurotypicals might find this relatable and funny because it sounds like an exaggeration, reaching for the knife simply meaning “feeling really upset/angry”. but this actually happened and iwas actually reaching for the knife, because people with bpd react to these sorts of things differently than nts.

people with bpd want a safe space to express themselves without judgement or ridicule because most of the time we don’t feel accepted or understood in real life by the people around us. that’s why we ask nts to not reblog our posts, because then our conversation branches out and we’re not within our safe community anymore. 

I am a byproduct of all the burning. 

(C.B) (10.29.16) 

Things that DO help when I'm splitting or having another form of BPD Moment :

-being kind -being gentle -talking to me, even if it’s not easy -reassurance -validating and listening to my feelings -making time for me -telling me you love me -making time for me -NOT IGNORING ME -just listening -listen -just FUCKING LISTEN TO ME

Let me blow my steam and let me fucking talk and I’ll process through it myself. if you don’t give me the outlet then its only gonna get worse.

I dont think people understand that I literally can’t not take things personally. I notice the tiniest change in how someone talks to me, how they act towards me. I can’t just stop. after years of everything being my fault, is it wrong to assume that when someone gets angry, it’s my fault? im sorry.

someone: *looks at me in a way that is not entirely sympathetic and loving*

me: they don’t like me :( no one really cares about me or feels sympathy for me because I am completely undesirable

touch starved me vs touch repulsed me

person: i care about u me: ok then why am i not ur entire life??? smh fake

in therapy my therapist and i were talking about my own feelings of self worth in relationships. and she asked me to say qualities about myself that someone else would be attracted to, on a romantic and platonic level. so i named some things like compassionate, empathetic, etc. and she said “you named things that you can give someone. ways you can serve, rather than ways that you are” and y'all..my mind was blown that’s gonna stick with me forever like she then proceed to tell me actual innate qualities about myself that she liked and thought anyone else would like as well and i hadn’t even considered those because like she said i was focused on things i could do outwardly to attract and maintain connections rather than who i was as a person..goddamn!!! thats tea!!!

With this in mind, this also makes me think of the ways people describe us. When people say the reasons that they love/like you or describe you as a person, are they only naming ways that you serve them? Are they equating your worth with how much you do for them?

ex. “You’re such a good listener. You’re so generous, you’re so compassionate. You’re always there for me. You always hold me down. You’re reliable”

vs.

“You’re so funny! You’re very vibrant. You’re creative, passionate, and intelligent. You’re optimistic. You’re so talented at ____” , etc. I think that’s very telling.

When people tell me, “Trust your gut! Follow your intuition!” Like, bitch, I have anxiety. My “gut” is usually telling me that everyone hates me and that I’m going to die. I can’t trust what that motherfucker tells me.

my intuition is really good, but then i will also have really paranoid thoughts and wow. that’s a tough thing to differentiate sometimes.