I think she always nursed a small mad hope.

As a Crazy, I’m constantly having to disappoint people and having to socially navigate disappointing them and feel awful for disappointing them and it sucks so much and makes everything so much worse and part of me thinks it’s completely fucking unfair. In high school there was this boy I liked a lot and he liked me. But I was SO SO PAINFULLY SHY and like physically anxious. Literally the first time he talked to me I developed a spontaneous facial tick (which had never happened before or since). I couldn’t talk to him and I went out of my way to ensure that he didn’t have the opportunity to talk to me. After a couple of years of that he clearly had a lot of anger towards me. I assumed he was angry that I was being so impossible and denying us something that could have been great. But, of course, the anger and frustration he must have felt in that situation was a shadow of what I feel ALL THE TIME. That’s my whole life. Everything inches away and impossible to grasp. The frustration and anger I feel towards myself for all the things I can’t do is immense. I get being angry that I suddenly can’t do something I said I was gonna do. To not follow through on something nice and fun that we both want. I GET IT. You’d think people might have some fucking empathy seeing as I’m the one who’s left out. But mostly they act like I’m just being a withholding bitch or a flake or whatever. YOU HAVE NO IDEA THE CONSTANT DISAPPOINTMENT AND FRUSTRATION THAT IS MY LIFE. You may be denied this one night out or this one relationship, but what about me? I NEVER get to have those things and I have no one to blame but myself. And I have to take on everyone else’s fucking disappointment too? It’s just insult to injury. It’s a joke. And I wish I could just shrug it off or even be angry about it, but I can’t. I just feel guilty on top of everyfuckingthingelse. Basically this is just to say I know it sucks for you but it sucks a lot more for me so lay off.

Every time someone describes a job as a "role" i throw up in my mouth.

I have this thing where I like, like super religious, evangelical Christian media/people. Like obvs I share none belifs. but the whole perma-child, asexual, wholesome, kind thing? It SPEAKS to me. It makes me feel safe and warm and okay n a way I don’t even know what to do with.

Meet Gayle Waters-Waters (President and Founder of Mothers Against Road Head).

I’m obsessed. Seriously, if you have any free time at all and you haven’t watched this................

A post about The Revenant, which I haven’t seen.

I mean, please, you’re talking about a revenant in a movie with a bear...and the bear isn’t the revenant?!? They hibernate!! That’s sooo damn metal! All you did was almost die (and probably yell and cry real good). It’s just insulting.

It’s like making a movie about I dunno, a person who weaves stuff called The Weaver (obviously) and cutting to Charlotte over there in the corner looking into the camera like: really?  and then weaving a web that says “The Weaver ain’t shit.” 

V appropriate april is autism awarene$$ month seeing as how many autistics are acutely aware of their disability on this most heinous day. "Oh we're moving to japan?" Ok 😢 "Oh, aliens are invading?" Great😖

I have not posted in ages, but maybe that will change? I miss y'all. Anyway, this is just to say...if you are in the Bay Area go to the Big Book Sale! it's the one shining star in this nightmare world! Sunday is dollar day ;_;

Okay so let's brainstorm ways to inconvenience my bitch of a neighbor without, like, getting caught. I put a note up in the entry so that hopefully my neighbors will know what happened. And also because my landlords wife/ bitchs mother told me I should have left a note with my phone number on my car. That was parked just in front of the building. No one would park there that didn't live in the building. There are eight units. I am the only new arrival. It's not fucking rocket science. Anyway. There's your fucking note bitch. So I'm thinking I sigh them up for all sorts of junk mail (sent to a. Khundt or something). But what else?? I want to ruin this bitch. But I also don't want to get arrested? But I also don't know how I'm going to live in the same building as these people. They have the apartment directly above me.