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Let's make this showy! Let's do this man-to-man!

@defiantvigilante / defiantvigilante.tumblr.com

A place for all of my fandoms!
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A window to the mind of a person with depression

Do I have problems? Sure I do! You wouldn’t understand them one lick though, nor the magnitude with which they impact me. Your life has been a cakewalk compared to mine. How could you ever understand waking up every day and wondering what the point of continuing to exist is?

Can’t I be happy! Sure I could! Give me a reason to, though. And not something fleeting and impermanent that can change in a heartbeat. Show me something or someone that will make me happy now and continue to make me happy in the future, even when I’m at my lowest point. Does such a thing even exist?

Do I want to talk about? Sure I would! Not that talking will do anything meaningful, though. Let’s be honest, talking about it just makes me feel even worse, because now I have to bring to the surface all the awful things I’ve been trying to restrain inside my head and my heart. Why should I engage in something that will only make me feel worse?

Doesnt anything help? Sure, some things do! But it’s only a temporary fix, though. Medications lose effectiveness. Therapists stop asking the important questions. Distractions lose their appeal. Friends run out of things to say. Eventually, it all comes around and back at you again. What do you do when all of your escape routes are blocked by the fire that threatens to engulf your mind?

Will it ever get better? I don’t know. The things that I want to have or experience in order to feel better seem to be out of my reach, and I don’t know when I might find something else that could fill the void within me. Regardless, though, I hate this. I would give anything for it to be different.

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Time for another edition of Good Thing, Bad Thing

Good thing: I definitely have a type. I can identify that now, and I can definitively say that it is what I desire.

Bad thing: Finding someone that is my type seems to occur with only slightly greater frequency than that of me winning the lottery. And even when I do find someone of my type, they are so fucking far away from me that it's a pipe dream for me to think that I'll ever be able to even meet them in person, much less cultivate a relationship.

This is what I'm destined to, I guess. Thanks life.

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Tension

I need to write this somewhere. I guess this is the place for it. I'm nervous. Anxious. Freaking the fuck out. Second-guessing. Predicting. Terrified. The crossroads is before me. And I'm not the one choosing the direction in which I'm going. Waiting for that choice to be made is driving me fucking mad. I need to know. Even though I said I would be patient, I need to know. To whatever force is driving the universe out there, I can only ask this: please give me strength. I need it now more than ever.

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Anonymous asked:

I thought rusev was just coming for those ppl who act like you need an indie resume to be any good, and trash a lot of the wrestlers, especially women, who haven't worked the indies but idk.

well yeah i guess, that’s all well and good and all, but i mean, he didn’t need to sound so condescending with his  ‘INDIES’ shit in very distinct air quotes. dude sounded bitter for no reason when there was confusion, too.

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That’s because it was probably Lana on Rusev’s Twitter, being her usual shitty self.

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Okay, Tumblr, here’s the deal. I started a podcast a bit ago with my buddy George, talking all sorts of wrestling stuff. If you want to check it out, here’s the link to our newest episode, which was recorded today. I hope you can check it out and enjoy!

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My heart goes out to Roman Reigns. It really does. No matter what anyone thinks about him, there isn’t anything in the world that justifies what he has to deal with from people and what he’s been through. The hate that this man receives is just the worst kind of hate I have ever seen anyone get in my entire lifetime. And the saddest part is that it’s completely undeserved. None of this is Roman’s fault. He didn’t create this situation or ask for any of this. I’ve always felt for him, but after this mess at the Rumble, I feel even more for him. He doesn’t deserve any of this. He just doesn’t.

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You know what? I legitimately don’t give a single flying fuck what people think about Roman Reigns or if they dislike him and what their reasons are. He did not deserve the treatment he got from the crowd tonight. He doesn’t deserve those type of reactions period. And please spare me the whole, “Oh I have nothing against him personally” and “I don’t hate him, just the booking”. Obviously you do have something personal against him if you’re chanting “asshole” at him and chanting for him to retire or get fired. And why? All because he retired The Undertaker? Yeah, there’s no excuse at all.

If it was really just all about the booking and nothing personal, you’d cut him some slack and realize that none of this is his fault. Do you people honestly think he isn’t hurt or effected by what you say? You think he has no feelings or emotions? Sure, he may put on a brave face when he’s on TV, but behind closed doors, I can only imagine how he feels.

Like I said, I don’t care if you like the guy or not. I don’t care what the excuses or reasons are. Because I’m pretty sure there’s people I don’t like, but I’m not petty enough to wish ill or bad on them.

Funny how last week on RAW, people chanted “asshole” at Roman. Haha no, the only assholes here are the fans who continue to shit on him for no reason at all. And all those who were chanting “you deserve it” can go to hell.

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It’s funny how people go on and on about how they don’t like Roman, will boo him everywhere he goes. But yet they never give any legitimate reasons for why they do. And I’m sorry, but the mic skills and he “can’t wrestle” excuse doesn’t cut it anymore, so don’t even go there. Whether people want to see it or not, he has been improving as a wrestler and on the mic over the last few years. And contrary to what people think, he is very passionate about the business. The fact that he comes from a wrestling family doesn’t detract from that passion. And that doesn’t mean he’s been handed everything and hasn’t worked hard or earned his place in the company.

And so what if he did get into wrestling because of his family? So what if he chose wrestling over football? So what if he does end up becoming the next face of the company? Who are you to judge him for it? Who are you to try to dictate his life and choices? If he decided to be a wrestler instead of a football player, then that was his right to choose. He isn’t selfish or an asshole for it. It doesn’t make him any less passionate for the wrestling business. He wouldn’t be in the business, busting his ass and putting up with all the haters bullshit on a constant basis if he wasn’t passionate about the business. And if he does become the next face of the company, well I say good for Roman Reigns! He’s earned it, he deserves it, he has what it takes to carry on that responsibility.

Also, his fans on the internet aren’t the only ones who defend him. And no, it’s not just women and children who like him! Yeah, I’m putting that out there just in case anyone tries to come at me with that BS. His family (i.e. Rikishi and The Usos) has come to his defense various times. And many wrestlers and people who have worked in WWE for many years, both past and present, have also defended him and said positive things about him – Ric Flair, Mick Foley, Bret Hart, Paul Heyman, Chris Jericho, Big Show, The Miz, Cesaro, Sheamus, Dean Ambrose, Seth Rollins, John Cena, AJ Styles, Finn Balor…the list goes on and on. And no, THEY WERE NOT PAID TO SAY IT! And it also doesn’t mean that they’re being ass kissers, so don’t even try to come at me with that, because it’s bullshit! They are the ones who see Roman on a daily basis, who are in the same room with Roman, and who have gotten in the same ring with Roman, and have wrestled him multiple times. So yeah, I’m afraid the whole “oh they got paid to say it” and “they’re ass kissers” excuse doesn’t fly either!

I’ve said it in great depth before and I will say it again. Roman Reigns has done absolutely NOTHING to anyone to deserve all the hate and disrespect he gets. You people act as if he intentionally offends people and like everything he says and does is wrong. And if anyone tries to use his suspension as an excuse, well let me just say that yeah, he fucked up. And he knew he was wrong and that he made a mistake. He owned up to it and apologized publicly on Twitter to all his family, friends, and fans. And he paid his dues and faced the consequences like a mature adult. Ever since then, he hasn’t done anything and has gotten his shit together and is doing better than ever.

So people really need to move on and get over it already. Roman Reigns isn’t go anywhere. And one day, he will be back in the main event scene and he will be either a four-time WWE World Champion or WWE Universal Champion. You can believe that! And as always, haters gonna hate.

Now everyone is talking about JBL going off on the Roman haters on Bring It To the Table. And that was great and all, but let’s talk about what Peter Rosenberg said in response.

He had it right when he said that it was the WWE fans who handpicked Roman as The Guy. Not Dean Ambrose, not Seth Rollins. Hell, not even Vince McMahon (for those who are blinded by the “he’s Vince’s guy” crap) or Triple H themselves chose him. Nope, nope, nope. It was YOU, the WWE Universe.

Many may have turned their backs on him, as soon as that became reality. But thankfully, there are still many who have stuck by him through the good and the bad. And I’m proud to say I’m one of them! I have and will always be a Roman Reigns supporter and member of the Roman Empire, and I won’t apologize for it ever. Believe that!

Bringing this up again, especially because of the way Roman was treated last night.

I’m gonna bring this up forever. Always and forever relevant.

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So here's the full list of all the WWE Superstars who are pro Roman Reigns

- Dean Ambrose - Seth Rollins - Rikishi - The Usos - Triple H - Mick Foley - Ric Flair - Bret Hart - Paul Heyman - Chris Jericho - Big Show - Sheamus - Cesaro - The Miz - AJ Styles - Finn Balor - John Cena - TJ Perkins - Brian Kendrick - Lilian Garcia - Kevin Owens - Bray Wyatt - Lance Storm - Kurt Angle - Jim Ross - JBL - MVP - Corey Graves - Scott Hall - Eric Bischoff - The Undertaker - Shawn Michaels - Stone Cold Steve Austin - Rosey (Roman Reigns’ brother) - Scott Dawson - Santino Marella - R Truth - Enzo Amore - Kofi Kingston - Xavier Woods - Big E - Rusev - Byron Saxton - Aleister Black - King Ricochet - Tommy Dreamer - Sting - Jake “The Snake” Roberts - Peter Rosenberg (even though he’s not a WWE Superstar, but I’m counting him in!)

And if you Roman haters don’t like it, you can fuck off! I really don’t care anyway. Just ignore and scroll past it. That simple! Hahaha sorry not really sorry!

And let me also add that if you suddenly hate on your favs just because they like Roman, you have no right to call yourself a fan! Because that’s not what a real true fan does!

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Tonight is fucked up in every sense.

To all the asshole shitheads chanting “Thank You Strowman” and “You Deserve It”, please kindly go die in a fire. I am ashamed of being a wrestling fan because of you. You are disgusting and abhorrent in every sense. I want to stop watching the main roster because I don’t want to be associated with you horrific individuals. You want Roman to be injured or to have to retire just because you don’t like him. Well, you can fuck off. Everything that happened there made me hate this fandom to the core. I’ll stick to NXT, NJPW, and Stardom if this is what I’ll have to hear from the main roster.

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My brain is a scary place to be sometimes

I don’t like those times.

This is one of those times.

Whatever supreme being is running this shitshow, please give me the strength to find a solution to this chaos. Because I need one, badly.

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I'm alive

Just wanted to make a post to tell everyone that yes, I'm still alive. I haven't been on Tumblr for awhile for a number of reasons, a lot of which relate to a number of mental and emotional issues that have been plaguing me for weeks/months. But I'm not dead yet. Hopefully I'll find the time to post a little bit more frequently soon. In the meantime, hope you all are doing well.

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