spotify wrapped but it’s your bank showing you your 100 worst purchases of the year

Unmute !

[Two people dancing to “September” by Earth, Wind, and Fire]

Who hurt you, Mike?

Hey has anyone seen Oscar anywhere recently? My friend Oscar?

The grouch.

Green Faux Fur Mules by Maison Margiela

Oh dear god

finding out that almost all other animals don’t have periods like we do and instead simply reabsorb the egg back into their uterine lining to reuse the nutrients is like finding out the rest of the class has been taking WILDLY easier tests than you for the whole semester

like, hey, cat why don’t you have to use your Cat Dollars to invest in tampons? And cat is just like: fuck that noise, my body is OPTIMAL for not being made of inconvenient nonsense, sucks to be you

wack.

humans: hey, bleeding every month is actually really cumbersome and I lose both valuable nutrients AND fluids I need for survival? What the fuck is up?

evolution: yes, alright, but have you considered this about it? *cartoon blow horn noise* 

Human bodies suck for many reasons including but not limited to:

•Teeth are critical to living, yet not designed to last more than a few years without constant intervention and upkeep, and don’t grow back if this is not accomplished. Also, losing your teeth means the bones in your ear will shift, and your hearing will worsen.

•Breathing, eating, communication all from the same pathway, major choking hazard. Give me a dolphin style breathing tube.

•Most pleasurable nerve endings on the body locating on the filthiest parts of you, guarenteed spread of bacteria.

•knees and shoulders have almost zero capability to heal correctly, once they break, they’re basically broken forever without massive outside influence.

truer words

if i start talking to you about really stupid shit and im not trying to look intelligent anymore that means youve done it. obtained true trust levels. god tier friendship. 

Warming her tootsies.

me acting like ive did nothing wrong ever

he bake the beans

@rawritslivy

@alyssameh

It was the best of times, and the worst of crimes

Reblog if you’re bisexual, support bisexual people or are actually a bunch of tiny velociraptors in a human suit

Reblog if you’re bisexual, support bisexual people or are actually a bunch of tiny velociraptors in a human suit

a collection of tweets, part 23

(the series)

big blep

@rawritslivy

The New World Mall, in Bangkok, was closed in 1997 after it was found to have breached building regulations.

Yeah it looks like they put some of it in the water. Classic mall mistake