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My Words Have Forked No Lightning

@iamhelenoftroy / iamhelenoftroy.tumblr.com

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah
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bot

TIL the silvery salamander only has females and they reproduce by borrowing sperm from a different species! And 0% of the male's genetic material gets passed down!

That's so weird I love nature!!

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catchymemes

Unless you speak whatever the language in this is (maybe Russian? It sounds at least related to Russian), you won’t understand exactly what they’re saying

You will however, understand exactly what they’re saying from the context of the video

And you will get to hear this person’s wonderful laughter

Sound definitely needs to be on

Sounds like German to me, but this is hilariously bad planning.

It’s definitly not german, but god i need to know who planned this bathroom

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erebus0dora

it is 100% Russian, and i am wheezing in the same language now

going to attempt a rough translation because this is so funny to me

it’s not going to be very literal because trying to translate every mumbled phrase and conversational word will be Very Annoying

“So here’s your–here’s our hotel room. The door to the bathroom is clear, so you enter the bathroom, and everything’s normal, you look at yourself, and everyone who’s in the hallway can see you. And over here’s the shower, it’s relatively private. You enter the shower, and like wash yourself– *breaks down laughing* Well okay okay, you decide to wash your hands, or sit down on the toilet and– *another fit of laughter* Fine, fine, it’s actually all okay because you grab this and you…uh, and you’re like ‘I want some privacy’”, and you close–you close the curtain, and then you close this curtain– *laughs* And you close that curtain too, and now you want to sit on the toilet and you’re like ‘Okay everything’s closed, you can’t see in", and so you sit down on the toilet– *intense laughter*“

Source: twitter.com
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Y'all, the world is sleeping on what NASA just pulled off with Voyager 1

The probe has been sending gibberish science data back to Earth, and scientists feared it was just the probe finally dying. You know, after working for 50 GODDAMN YEARS and LEAVING THE GODDAMN SOLAR SYSTEM and STILL CHURNING OUT GODDAMN DATA.

So they analyzed the gibberish and realized that in it was a total readout of EVERYTHING ON THE PROBE. Data, the programming, hardware specs and status, everything. They realized that one of the chips was malfunctioning.

So what do you do when your probe is 22 Billion km away and needs a fix? Why, you just REPROGRAM THAT ENTIRE GODDAMN THING. Told it to avoid the bad chip, store the data elsewhere.

Sent the new code on April 18th. Got a response on April 20th - yeah, it's so far away that it took that long just to transmit.

And the probe is working again.

From a programmer's perspective, that may be the most fucking impressive thing I have ever heard.

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Holy shit, they got Voyager 1 working again!

15 billion miles away and NASA was able to tweak code packages on one of the onboard computers and it worked and Voyager 1 is sending signals back to earth for the first time since November.

Incredible!

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deelgathor
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coughloop

If I lived in a nature documentary I would always be holding my vape out to different animals to see how they take a hit

Orangutans would figure it out pretty much instantly

Gorilla would crush it in its hand lick up the juice

Hermit crab would shove the mouthpiece in its shell while holding the button to hotbox itself

Hummingbird would stick it's thin beak down the hole and suck the juice out the mouthpiece without landing

Ants would work together to carry it to the queen

Sloths would hug it gently and press the button over and over just to watch it light up

Electric eels would fall in love with it

Whales would suck it down their blowhole and then shoot it really high in the sky

Snails wouldn't give a fuck

Bears would ignore it cause they're dirt weed purists

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3liza

we talk a lot about ohhhh what if my calling is to be the greatest mammoth hunter ever and I'm wasting my talents in the modern era but we never think about what if Thog from 30,000 BCE was the only person ever born who could get a sub-7min Donkey Kong Country any%, and he never got the chance. what about thog

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astaerion
happiest of birthdays to my wonderful frog boy, my egg friend, my fellow mando understander and brainrot haver @djarin!!! i am so grateful to have met you i love you <333

PRINCESS MONONOKE (1997) (insp.)

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assiraphales

enough reclaiming slurs, I think in 2023 we should reclaim nascar. they banned the confederate flag on all properties & their stance on lgbtq+ isn’t just performative bc in 2013 they fined a driver 10k for using a homophobic slur, condemned indiana in a statement for an anti lgbt law, and partnered w carolina’s lgbt+ chamber of conference in 2022. nascar was founded by anti-cop moonshiners/bootleggers who drove suped-up fords to out-run the police. #yaaascar

To this day, my favorite argument I ever had was with my Nascar-loving family about how a thin blue line flag on a Nascar is antithetical to the core tenets of Nascar. There is no organization more rooted in ACAB than Nascar. Literally, the only reason it exists was that a bunch of moonshining families had to build cars that could outrun the cops while on supply runs during the Prohibition Era. The goal was to make the car look like a regular vehicle so they could pick up supplies or drop off illegal alcohol without arousing suspicion. But if the cops were on you all you had to do was put the pedal to the metal and that little truck could outrun them with no problems. And of course, families would be in competition over who made the best alcohol, and whose car was fastest. So, they would have races on the weekends. When prohibition was lifted, the races continued. And that is why we have Nascar. It really frustrates me how people look at American car culture and scoff at it. Formula One racing is more exciting and more dynamic to watch, but the history of it is not as interesting: a bunch of rich assholes who made specialized cars for racing. And to this day, it is still a rich man's sport. Whereas Nascar was about a bunch of so-called hicks in the backwoods who used some basic hand tools and trial and error to make a junker into a racecar.

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unbossed
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