me as a detective

G͚̥̖̙̮̮͓̙R̺̭͕̺̭̟̮̠̜A̭̳̤͚̹͍̱͕̻͓̺͓V͈̩̩̹͙͉̖̟̺̺̪̫Ḭ̲͉͔̺͍̘̩͚̳̯̠̩̖T͕͖̗̫͎̫̻̻̯͙̤̝͓̗͉̠͙ͅY̝̩̲̼͉͇͚̝̼̼̗̭̗̝̬̘̟̬̳

I REALLY DISLIKE

GRAVITY

I WOULD NOT RECOMMEND GRAVITY TO A FRIEND

I really like u but you are an ocean and I’m just a more impressive ocean with cooler and stronger sharks

I think you mean

I AM AN OCEAN

INSIDE

OF 

A 

BIGGER OCEAN

No offense or anything because I’m no writer so kudos to you for that one, Roxanne, but—

What the fuck does that even MEAN

uıɐldxə oʇ əʌol plnoʍ ı

...

ssəɹnp ɹəpun ʎlʇuəɹɹnɔ ɯɐ ı ʇnq

This is so perfect I want to cry

Mother fuckers that think snow is calming have clearly never tried to drive to work in literally the middle of a blizzard with nearly bald tires. Or have never had to shovel a long ass driveway so they can get to work. Watching this shit gives me heart palpitations.

Lol

So you know how the snow comes once a week sometimes

And hits your property more than your neighbors’

That’s me

I did that

Have fun!!!

I thought it was odd when it happened IN JUNE

What can I say. I like surprises, provided I am the surpriser.

Hey did you hear

It’s raining ladies

I BELIEVE I SPECIFICALLY ASKED FOR MEN

W

    E

        L

            L

Y

    O

        U

G

    O

        T

M

    E

        E

send me some "have you ever..." questions

Do you want help.

MAYBE I AM FALLING

FOR YOUUUUUUUUUU

cute things to call your girlfriend: 1. sugar  2. honey  3. flour  4. egg  5. 1/2lb butter  6. stir  7. pour into pan  8. preheat to 375°

#relationship advice from megamind

I have some relationship advice

NOT LETTING YOUR SIGNIFICANT OTHER PLUMMET TO THE COLD, HARD, UNYIELDING EARTH

HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN FALLING ANYWAY

FOR ASLONGASICAN

REMEMBER

cute things to call your girlfriend: 1. sugar  2. honey  3. flour  4. egg  5. 1/2lb butter  6. stir  7. pour into pan  8. preheat to 375°

#relationship advice from megamind

I have some relationship advice

NOT LETTING YOUR SIGNIFICANT OTHER PLUMMET TO THE COLD, HARD, UNYIELDING EARTH

SeNd hElp???

Send…help?

I’m the one who needs help

JUST LOOK AT ME

I AM IN A CONSTANT STATE OF FALLING OVER HERE

AND WHAT AN INTERESTING GRAVITATIONAL ANOMALY IT IS TOO

AS LONG AS YOU NEVER HIT THE GROUND WE SHOULD BE GOOD

NOT TO WORRY THOUGH MY FASTEST BRAINBOTS ARE ALREADY ON THEIR WAY

weLL

it iiiiiiiiiiis my goal NOT to hit the ground

SeNd hElp???

Send...help?

I'm the one who needs help

JUST LOOK AT ME

I AM IN A CONSTANT STATE OF FALLING OVER HERE

I’LL TELL YOU IF I PASS ANY AS I PLUMMET TOWARD MY SUDDEN, INSTANT, AND IMMEDIATE DEATH

So how impending is your death, exactly.

Pretty sure the words sudden, instant, and immediate sums it up

BUT DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT

To the best of my understanding, we live in a Matrix world where the street isn't actually there

so to sum things up,

DEATH IS AN ILLUSION

AND SO ARE PANTS