Neptune Summer

Unicorn Store is my new favorite movie. 😍😍😍

I've experienced burnout before, but not this type of burnout: "Underchallenged burnout". Apparently it's a subtype of burnout. My job is so monotonous and boring and it doesn't feel like it's getting me closer to where I'd like to be...I feel super unmotivated. I'm not really stressed, more apathetic. I'm fucking exhausted all the time in a way that almost feels like a relapse of my ME/CFS. I can't concentrate. My classes are boring. My job is boring. I don't like public health the way I thought I might. I don't have the same sense of accomplishment I had in undergrad where I absolutely loved my classes, loved my research even though it was hella stressful. I was willing to go through the stress because I liked the subject matter. Now I just don't care about the topics I'm learning about and I can't force myself to care. It all feels like a chore. I feel like I've made a mistake. I thought I'd have more job security and a more stable life. Maybe that's true but I can't take the monotony of it all! The material is so dry. I feel like I can't connect with my classmates because I'm not in the right degree program. I'm not passionate about epidemiology or biostatistics. I miss neuroscience, and psychology. I started getting into coding my last semester of undergrad and really enjoyed that too. It was a challenge. So maybe I need to go somewhere in that direction. Human-computer interaction would be hella cool. I dunno. Just need to rant I guess.

Making friends seriously becomes so hard the older you get. I feel like I barely ever meet anyone whom I seriously click with and have things in common with that aren't surface level things? And even then, do you enjoy their company enough to want to actually hang out with them? Hahaha. Maybe the way I'm thinking is why I haven't been successful. 😂 Whoops.