hey when the fuck are things gonna get easier

i remember when i was little and i had to microwave something i’d always ask my mom how much time i needed to microwave it. like i thought at some point adults just learned the right amount of time to microwave anything. she was always right too so i believed her. now i’m an adult and i realized she didn’t know the right times for stuff. she just made it up. she’d be like, “i don’t know, a minute thirty?” and i’d walk away like, “wow how did she know that?” i used to think microwave times were like cooking laws you never broke. now i just throw shit in the microwave and set it on a whim. one minute? two minutes? four minutes? who cares? nothing is what you think it is. 

me: accidentally hits my lock screen button while watching youtube

youtube: you wanna get youtube red?? you fucking dumbass?? you really think you can play videos in the background without youtube red?? you fucking useless bastard.

It haunts me that celebrities are just theater kids that made it

#it haunts me that theater kids think they’re just celebrities that haven’t made it

this explains everything about theater kids in a way that was beyond my grasp until this very moment

Fanfic: and they were soulmates

Me: oh my god they were soulmates

I have never laughed so hard

I am despondent

My soul just left my entire body

May the next few months be a period of beautiful transformation

me to my alarm in the morning: I was literally sleeping but go off I guess

wow it must be so nice to b skinny. U wear some stupid shit . everyone: #looks

me @ me when i catch myself having feelings for someone:

I get why a lot of people hate the whole princess culture aimed at little girls. There’s a hell of a lot of toxic bullshit in there.

But when I was a tiny princess, my dad used to be my royal advisor. He would come to me, and over tea we would discuss the problems of the kingdom. He would tell me that new people wanted to move to the kingdom, and ask me what we should do. Or he would tell me that the teddybears and the dolls were fighting over the enchanted forest, and ask me what to do. Basically, he took the trappings of the princess culture, and used it as a tool to teach me about leadership, civic responsibility, and compassion. 

So if you have a little princess around, consider helping her figure out how to run her kingdom. There’s no sense in telling a kid they can’t be a leader, or that they can’t wear sparkles while they do it. 

Parenting: You’re doing it right.

It really drives me insane that I don’t know how people feel about me. Like am I nice??? Am I funny???? Am I mean???? Am I rude??? Am I obnoxious??? Am I dumb???? What am I????????????????????

ask game: tell me how i come off to you

the biggest lie i ever told & how my husband came to protect it

for years i have lived this lie telling everyone i am allergic to peanuts because i hate the smell of peanut butter and don’t really like peanut butter that much but whenever i used to tell people i don’t like peanut butter they’d get all defensive like “peanut butter is amazing how do you not like it?!” and then i’d have to go into this whole thing to defend my taste buds.

but then i got tired of it and started telling people that i’m just allergic to peanuts because that way it’s not my fault that i hate the smell of peanut butter - it’s now like i’m a sad little baby who will never get to taste peanut butter ever in her life and everyone feels sad for me.

but the problem is that i really love peanut m&ms and so now i can only eat peanut m&ms when i’m at home in secret. the only person who knows my lie is my husband. and so at work this evening we had a small celebration for someone and they had peanut m&ms and i really wanted some but obviously couldn’t eat them in public because then people would know my peanut secret. 

and so when we got home after work my husband tipped his jacket over and emptied his pockets and at least thirty or so peanut m&ms fell out of his pockets and he whispered, “i was sneakily accumulating them all night for you because i could see the pain in your eyes.”

and if that isn’t love then i don’t know what is. 

the most universally sacred childhood experience for milllenials was listening to breakaway by kelly clarkson as we dramatically stared out the window during long car rides

Don’t fuck around & lose someone you can’t replace.

anyway jeff bezos could eradicate homelessness. he could literally give each homeless person 100k and it would only take less than .5% of his entire wealth. what the actual god giving fuck

Why do you think they deserve it

Well shelter is a basic need, and would at the very least allow them a place where they can get back on their feet. Food water and shelter are necessary for a healthy body and psychology. There’s also the fact that they’re people too, and a little help goes a long way in making a decent community. There’s plenty of reasons

Yeah they need stuff, but why does every homeless person deserve 0.5% of someone’s income

You have five hundred apples, and just one day to eat them all. 

You pass by a small crowd of hungry children, and decide you’d rather 455 apples go rotten than give them to some snotty brat who isn’t your problem.

It doesn’t matter how hard you’ve worked for your 500 apples, or that you aren’t the parent of any of those kids. in the moment you decide to walk away, it doesn’t matter why they’re hungry, or who owes who what.

You had the opportunity to help people, you had the ability to help people, you had the resources to help people. You had everything you needed to make a small, tiny little difference in someone’s life, and you decided not to.

What are you going to buy in your lifetime that’s worth more to you than your own humanity?

What are you going to buy in your lifetime that’s worth more to you than your own humanity

Reblogging for the very, very important lesson

Sometimes I wish there were a Hell if only for the visuals of a bunch of rich shit heads wandering around on fire asking “Where’s my money?!”