this could be us but u scared

why does tumblr keep trying to convince me that ellen degeneres is dead

Me after I visit the worlds biggest pistachio and it goes missing

you’re laughing. i said this is the official charity event of ray-ban sunglasses, all styles of glasses are only $24.99, and you’re laughing.

Hotel Mario

mario holds this pose for like 5 seconds. this is all we’re gonna be seeing from cdi-screens for a week

peter parker will never escape nyc transit 

hey that place was in Madagascar

4 word horror story

“I heard my wife knock on the bathroom door, but then I remembered…. our bathroom doesn’t have a door”

I’m sorry, but the confusion of why your bathroom doesn’t have a door far outweighs any feelings of horror this might evoke.

can’t afford door.. the horror here is the realities of life

So what fuck was your wife knocking on

this dick

It’s not even 4 words???

this Costco is about to learn what a lifetime of Lyme Disease does to a man

no one:

the baby zombie outside my base:

im dizzy from laughing at this image