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Thoughtless Thinking

@jaxthewanderer / jaxthewanderer.tumblr.com

A pessimistic writer who likes the color black. Sounds cliché.
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Welcome to mcdownloads how can i help you

Yes hi I’d luke to fucking kill myself

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It’s some guy ( a white guy ofc) who casts aluminum “statues” or whatever out of ant colonies. Only he uses live ant colonies for the molds.

pouring molten liquid onto living animals is….. extremely demented 

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rootkit

It’s a fire ant colony? Fire ants are invasive pests that cause blistering painful bites and I don’t see how it’s any worse than zapping them or otherwise killing them

I even went to his channel and most of the colonies he casts are fire ants. I looked at one of the videos for a non fire ant colony and this was in the description

Like honestly

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assbaka

imagine being mad about this when theres literally no other way to learn about the structure of ant colonies and also they’re ants 

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I See Ghosts

Not the ones you're imagining, though.

It happens on the occasion, I’ll be talking to a close friend, or a co-worker, or a family member, and then a stray comment, something typically totally unimportant, wisps away and becomes a shadow. It whispers the comment over and over, I think only I can hear it. It’s like an echo, a fragment. It’s a ghost.

It reminds me that I’m not the same. That, between where I stand, and where others stand, there is this impossible to cross barrier. And it’s not because I’m all that different, or I’m special or anything like that. It’s because there’s something wrong with me.

Broken is what first comes to mind to describe the error, but that’s not quite right. See, broken implies two things. The first is that the came correctly in the box, but something broke it. The second is that it is repairable. Neither of these is true in my case.

See I came out of the box wrong. Like a line in my code was written incorrectly. Not so incorrectly to cease all function, mind you, just incorrectly enough to make it obvious that when I stand amongst others, my gears do not turn synchronized with theirs.

I don’t generally believe in self-diagnosing, not that I think it doesn’t have its uses. Some people just aren’t in situations where they can get a proper, unbiased and scientifically supported diagnosis, and I believe that those people should do whatever is best for them in that situation. I, however, recognize that I do not have to authority to make a diagnosis regarding my own problems. 

That being said, I have been told more than once that I resemble, in certain manners, others who are on the spectrum. 

In my own research, and in my own questioning of people who are diagnosed, it seems painfully obvious. Still, I refuse to accept anything less than the diagnosis of someone who has the authority to do so properly. 

But I still see the ghosts. And I’ve been seeing them a lot lately. 

If I were diagnosed and I am what I think I might be, then I don’t know how I’ll ever be able to look at myself again. Don’t misunderstand me, I don’t believe that there is anything wrong with being on the spectrum. It’s just that... I’ve always been told that I’m just like everyone else, right? That I’m “right.” And then for everything to be broken? To realize that I’m “wrong?” That there’s an irreparable difference between the rest of the world and me? That there’s a divide that I simply can not cross? What do I do with that besides loathe myself even more?

And what if I’m not? What if there’s absolutely nothing wrong with me? What of the ghosts? Surely they won’t disappear, if anything they’ll get louder, a reminder that there is something about me that isn’t diagnosable. Maybe I’m not broken, maybe I choose, subconsciously to be wrong. 

I don’t know what is worse.

So, I try to ignore it. Forget about it. Pretend there is no barrier, no divide. But every once in awhile, I see a ghost. It’s sitting in the corner, watching me, eyes uncaring, unceasing, quiet, save for a whisper. It reminds me again. And it hurts. And worse, it makes me angry. So, incredibly angry.

I get mad at the people who the ghosts come from. I try to tamp it down, I know they don’t deserve my wrath, they’ve done nothing. But they reminded me of how wrong I am. And sometimes I get to the point where I think I start to feel hate. 

Sometimes I hate my best friend because the ghosts from her, too.

I hate myself for just thinking that about her, for thinking that about anyone, really. 

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captcreate

How bout’ y'all learn how to drive?

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iammyfather

Black Ice don’t care how well you learned to drive.

Is this shit for real?  Somebody comes up with an innovative way to try and keep people from dying in car accidents, and some chud just HAS to crawl out of the woodwork to complain about it?

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my brother is sitting in the chair in my room studying a practice test thing for his final test before he becomes a fully certified EMT tomorrow and he’s mumbling some of the questions out loud and he just went “a child has fallen from a monkey at school…” and he just got dead quiet and stared at the wall for like a solid minute with the most stricken look on his face before he whispered “there’s no protocol for monkeys”

bro

bro it means monkey bars 

now he’s googling “child falls from monkey” and apparently the only thing that pops up is Fall Out Boy’s “Thnks Fr th Mmrs”

 I M  L AHUGNI N G SO H ARD  HE WENT INTO THE KITCHEN LIKE 5 MINUTES AGO AND STARTED A CONVERSATION WITH MY MOM AND I HEARD HIM JUST STOP MID SENTENCE AND THEN SHOUT “FUCKING MONKEY BARS” 

this was a post meant for like 6 people who actually know my brother and now this is the only image he has on this site he’s the “monkey protocol” guy for almost 100,000 people I give up

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gahdamnpunk

I’m just now finding out Anne Frank was bi??? OMG

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luanna801

Yeah okay, those edits were made by her dad, a cishet person - and also her dad, a Holocaust survivor, who would have been brutally aware that when the diary was first published in freakin’ 1947, had he included anything which people could use to demonize his daughter or tar her as some kind of “pervert”, it would prevent the message he was trying to send about the horrors of the Holocaust and the heroism of his daughter from being properly understood and accepted the way he hoped.

That isn’t fair. It isn’t just. But it is reality. If Otto Frank had let this be included in the published version, there’s a large chance the homophobic backlash would have prevented the book from reaching the audience it did and spreading the message it needed to. It was NINETEEN. FORTY. SEVEN. The Holocaust had ended TWO YEARS AGO. The acceptance of LGBT identities was basically nonexistent. Otto Frank made a decision based on the time and place he was living in, about what the world at that time was and wasn’t ready to accept. 

Let me say this as bluntly as I can - I am a bisexual Jewish girl and I would have made the same decision Otto Frank did. Making sure Anne Frank was unambiguously seen as sympathic and heroic was more important. Making sure people weren’t sidetracked from the main issue of the Holocaust was more important. He shouldn’t have had to make that decision, without doubt. Anne Frank’s sexuality (however she would have identified in modern terms) shouldn’t be considered relevant to her status as a hero or a sympathetic victim. But in 1947, it undoubtedly would have been.

Otto Frank survived Auschwitz and lost his entire family (a wife and two teenage daughters) to the horrors of the Holocaust. He hoped that publishing his daughter’s diary would spread awareness and sympathy for the victims of the Holocaust. If he had to make sacrifices to do that - well frankly, so fucking be it. I don’t know who alive today has the right to judge him. 

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ediejay

Thank you for that addition. We cannot blanket demonize people while ignoring context.

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ladyshinga

if Gilbert Gottfried isn’t voicing this slamming power bottom then what are we even doing here

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elisamaza

this screenshot leaves out the best part of the character design

guy fieri couture

I think we’re not seeing the bigger picture here which is that Disney has a dating sim app, if Iago is in it then who the fuck else is in it

I cannot stress this enough, but, what the fuck

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unpretty
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nootofboot

I feel like it should be clarified that the sexy anime husband next to Iago is not, in fact, Jafar.

That’s Jafar’s staff.

HIS WHAT ???

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actualaster

This post is a new punch in the face every time I see it

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painfog

hdjdjsjkk my mum works in retail and one of her coworkers is autistic & mostly doesnt talk unless he has to but yesterday he went out of his way to cross through the crowds of xmas shoppers and dodge a train of trolleys to go up to my mum, gesture to the crowds and say “michelle. i am losing the will to live”

Big ass mood

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xubbs

I could be wrong but what’s interesting to me personally is that Elijah wasnt just mad, he was scared for his life cuz there was a queen who wanted him dead so Elijah ran and told God he wanted to die because he was in such anguish

But God is so good and He always knows what we need!

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archer-bro

Notice too that he didn’t even give Elijah some encouraging words to comfort him.  He just told him to eat.  Sometimes just being there and making sure someone gets through their anguish is enough.

AND THUS SPOKE THE CREATOR OF THE UNIVERSE

“Why don’t you have a some food and maybe you’ll feel better.“

And God said, “Have a Snickers.”

And Elijah inquired of the Lord, asking “Why?” and the Lord replied, “Because thou doth lament greatly when thou art hungry”.

Thus Elijah took and he ate of the confection, finding it to be exceedingly satisfying.

The Lord then asked, “Art thou better?”, and Elijah replied, “Indeed Lord, I am better”. Then the Lord further advised Elijah, saying unto him, “Thou art not thineself when thou art hungry”.

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sighinastorm

quality religious jokes, people

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A record number of trans Americans were killed last year—a number that disproportionately affects trans women of color. We must call it out & fight back so everyone is free to be who they are without fear.

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nintendo owns my pussy they creampied me but instead of cum its really good games

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