I'm So Bad At Naming Things

i really want to have 300% support for women who get heated in feminist and feminism-related discussions, because our anger is always invalidated and dismissed, and we’re told over and over not to be angry, and not to be righteous, and not to be loud, and i hardcore believe every woman out there should be angry, and righteous, and loud, and not give up in arguments when someone tells them they’re wrong, especially, especially, especially in arguments with dudes. in fact, i think there’s something to winning an argument against a dude simply to give a dude the experience of losing an argument to a woman instead of having her give up (even if she is right).

but.

if the discussion is within a community and you have no empathy for your peers in your community, i have no time for your voice. if your primary goal is to steamroll over what you deem to be toxic in your own community, to simply scrape it off the bottom of your shoe, spit on it, and move on, i don’t want to be in a community with you. every community i’m part of has toxic elements, and people with opinions i disagree with, sometimes very strongly. i’ve had difficult, emotionally draining discussions with my peers, and sometimes come out feeling like i’ve been wrong for a long time, and sometimes i come out feeling like the other person will never, ever understand me. that’s the reality of a bunch of different people, with different backgrounds and histories and stories coming together over one thing.

if you don’t have it in you to treat the people you are in this with together, no matter how different you are, with respect, empathy, and patience, you are not part of a community, you are the toxin. Inner-community discussion and in-fighting are how we grow and evolve, and it’s critical to constantly be each other’s sounding boards, our own system of checks and balances to ensure we are not the garbage we want to be taking out. i do believe in aggressive, loud, unapologetic tactics when you are dealing with people who are not your own. but with your own people, within your own safe spaces, if you are going to be a tour de force of righteousness at the expense of those standing beside you, however much you may disagree with them, you are a gross person.

(this is vague on purpose, and it was supposed to be about fandom, but it’s sort of about where feminism meets fandom, and that many of our fandom spaces are feminist spaces?? or within fandoms, there are communities that work hard to make their own corner of fandom a feminist safe space? but it’s broader than that. i really hate to tell any angry woman to stop, because i sorta want to support angry women 100% of the time on principle, and sometimes the best thing really is to have it out with each other and yell at each other, but jfc there is a difference between fighting for what you believe in and just being a mean person. sometimes we defend cruelty because others have been cruel to us, but there is a difference between retribution and utilizing cruelty when compassion is actually effective (and it isn’t a lot of the time when i am outside the communities that hold and support me). let’s not defend cruelty for cruelty’s sake, and let’s not support people who show zero signs of self-reflection or empathy. if you never admit to being wrong, you are probably wrong more often than most people, and if you can’t be gentle with your own, you probably need to take a time out for awhile and focus on learning to be gentle.)

Leonard Nimoy’s passed away today at the age of 83 His final tweet :(

"Trayvon Benjamin Martin would have turned 20 years old today. 

(February 5, 1995 - February 26, 2012)

Never forget” -Urban Cusp

Rest In Power

I was being purposely vague in my post yesterday about Howard, Steve, and Tony. But I was responding to the fact that a lot of folks gave Howard grief about calling Tony a creation. Often these same folks are the ones who think Howard ignored Tony for Steve. So, as I said...

I'm a fan of Tony getting all upset about the use of the word creation (because let's be real that moment did not fix their relationship), because it's the perfect way for him to be almost willfully ridiculous about it. But I can't believe people in fandom actually managed to think this. Like, aside from being a common enough way to refer to children, it's specifically addressing the impression that Howard was more focused on/outwardly proud of his work than he was of Tony. Without the comparison/inclusion it would just be a hollow statement.

Does it really seem like gender equality to belittle men?

Does it really seem like LGBTA equality to belittle straight people?

Does it really seem like racial equality to belittle ‘white’ people?

Does it really seem like trans* equality to belittle Cis people?

Tell me- DOES IT REALLY? 

If you want equality- then fucking act like it. 

- moniquill (on red face & cultural appropriation)

I’m just going to reblog this again, since some people apparently need reminding. 

(via darkjez)

DING DING DING DING.

(via mirandaadria)

x

Since Eurovision last year I’ve seen a ton of people confusing Conchita as a beacon of transgender pride and it’s always irked me. She isn’t transgender and has never claimed as such, as the image set here shows. She seems very respectful towards people who are, in fact, transgender, and I’m glad she’s taken so much time to clarify the difference between the drag persona of Conchita Wurst (and her male performer) and what being transgender actually is.

If you haven’t already, you will see many websites telling you how amazing, badass and feminist Patricia Arquette’s speech was.

People are overlooking the “we’ve fought for everyone else line” that was nicely placed in there. But she was kind enough to expound on it backstage.

"It’s time for all the women in America and all the men that love women and all the gay people and all of the people of color that we’ve all fought for to all fight for us now." [@2:24 above]

Are there not gay women and women of color? If “we’ve fought for” “them”, then what of the women that overlap in those groups? What of the women of color and transwomen dying on the streets for simply existing? Is the fight over for them?

How about when we look at the wage gap itself, Black, Latina, Native and APIA women are still not making as much as white women. So, again, is the fight over?

(source)

Apparently white women’s participation in the fight for equality is running up a tab, folks!

The biggest issue of all, though, is the assumption that people of color, LGBTQ folks and others weren’t already fighting for women’s rights. Like we’re all sitting on the sidelines while white women save us and not pitching in. Despite the pay gap still favoring white women over women of color, white women remain the biggest recipients of affirmative action. So forgive me if I don’t give a shit if Patricia Arquette doesn’t make as much as Tom Hanks. From where I’m standing if white women have saved the rest of us, they’ve done a shitty job at it.

MS1 (via ermedicine)

Using your privilege to raise issues in a public forum is doing something about the problem. Awards ceremonies are some of the few instances where women in Hollywood can make comments like Patricia Arquette’s today, without being edited out, or belittled with a condescending commentary or follow up interview question. Women in Hollywood rarely get to bring up feminist issues on their own terms, so please stop this culture of directing negative commentary towards women who are, most of the time, relegated to the ‘who wore it best’ pages.

Using fame and privilege to bring feminism to the forefront is important. Leveraging opportunity to make a public statement is important. How much these women earn is irrelevant.

so as great as it is to hear someone on the oscars stage calling for wage equality for women and to see other famous women showing support, when you get past the heat of the moment the actual gist of patty’s whole speech (and comments backstage) is basically that poc & lgbtq+ groups have ~had their turn~ bc women fought for their rights and that now it’s women’s turn to be supported in their fight against oppression? as if all these movements are mutually exclusive??? which is an idea that exists in a totally different universe from intersectionality?????? yikes???????

what are y’all’s thoughts?

A DIRECTOR OF COLOR WON TWO AWARDS TONIGHT AND SEAN PENN STILL REDUCED HIM TO A FUCKING TASTELESS RACIST JOKE OH MY GOD YOU LITERALLY CAN BE EXCELLENT AND WHITE PEOPLE WILL FIND ANY WAY TO FUCKING DEGRADE AND DEHUMANIZE YOU IN FRONT OF MILLIONS OF PEOPLE

the face of civil rights……..

i give up

okay shit girl sing

I really can’t stop listening to this

new meme: people start acknowledging that gaga is a gifted performer and singer