Broadway musicals as John Mulaney Quotes

Phantom of the opera

Into the woods

Newsies

Legally blonde

Spring awakening

Matilda

Les mis

King Kong

The Prom

Tootsie

Why do you polish your crib when you don't have a kid?

And even if you did have a kid,

This crib is too precious for placing a baby inside it

So it simply exists to remind you

Your sense of perfection is just a reflection that

you are not mentally prepared to make room for a kid

why don't you live?

Why are people saying “we still have AnnaSophia Robb” are we going to say the same thing when Peter Obstrum dies? “We still have Freddy Highmore” nobody said that “we still have Johnny Depp” after Gene Wilder passed away. You know Adam West is dead but we still have every other “insert every other Batman who has ever acted as him” but ‘66 still has very special place in my heart. You were a great Batman! Is this just because it’s Violet Beauregarde or is this because someone still has a living, breathing person to attach to the fetish? 

Is anyone actually saying this? I’m curious

HEY GUYS! 

I’ve got another round of Playbills up for sale! I apologize for the short hiatus I took, I was getting things in order for my new job.

LIFE UPDATE: Unfortunately, it’ll take a couple weeks to get my paycheck at this new job regular as I have to pass two certification tests before I go into the field and one of the tests costs $85 to take. I have to wait to be reimbursed for them, but rent is due at the end of the month so you see the issue. I am still going through anxiety medication trials, and my mental health is still not great as a result. My new psychiatric meds can’t be covered by insurance yet because we haven’t met our yearly deductible. I will still probably have to call off work once or twice in the coming weeks, which I can’t afford.

I have 20 hours of online training to complete, no time to do it, and tests to study for and pay for all while I’m battling these medication side effects. The only thing that actively helps my anxiety is CBD vapes, but those are expensive even in Cali. All of this is on top of the fact I can’t see my therapist regularly at the moment because I am deeply in debt with her and need to pay off my back copays before I make more appointments and add to that debt.

CASE IN POINT: I NEED FINANCIAL HELP, SO I’M SELLING SOME PLAYBILLS. EVEN IF YOU CANNOT BUY, PLEASE REBLOG!

If you wanna help out but aren’t interested in a playbill, my paypal is here:

https://www.paypal.me/moreofalark

Links:

AUTHENTIC BROADWAY “ROMEO AND JULIET” PLAYBILL SIGNED BY ORLANDO BLOOM

AUTHENTIC CABARET 2014 REVIVAL PLAYBILL SIGNED BY ALAN CUMMING

AUTHENTIC “HEDWIG AND THE ANGRY INCH” HURT LOCKER MUSIC SHEET, OBTAINED FROM THE 1ST HEDWIG NATIONAL TOUR WITH LENA HALL AS HEDWIG.

ALLEGIANCE BROADWAY PLAYBILL, GEORGE TAKEI, LEA SALONGA, UNSIGNED

THE COLOR PURPLE BLACK AND WHITE PRIDE PLAYBILL

MISS SAIGON BROADWAY REVIVAL OBRC UNSIGNED PLAYBILL

FIDDLER ON THE ROOF BROADWAY REVIVAL OBRC UNSIGNED PLAYBILL

HEDWIG AND THE ANGRY INCH BROADWAY PLAYBILLS SIGNED BY TAYE DIGGS

LES MIS BROADWAY 2014 REVIVAL BLACK AND WHITE PLAYBILL SIGNED BY RAMIN KARIMLOO 

LES MIS BROADWAY 2014 REVIVAL COLOR SIGNED PLAYBILL (NOT SIGNED BY RAMIN) (TWO AVAILABLE) (LINK 1) (LINK2) 

LES MIS BROADWAY 2014 REVIVAL COLOR PLAYBILL SIGNED BY RAMIN KARIMLOO

LES MIS BROADWAY 2014 REVIVAL BLACK AND WHITE PLAYBILL SIGNED BY RAMIN KARIMLOO

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you guys are so fake. everyone’s all sandworm puppet this and giant beetlejuice puppet that, where is the respect for the handbook for the recently deceased puppet who gave his life just for our entertainment

“But if you forget to reblog Madame Zeroni, you and your family will be cursed for always and eternity.”

not even risking that shit

scrolled past this, re-evaluated my life, then SCROOOLLLED back up and hit the damn reblog button. 

Nope. I know better, have your reblog Madame Zeroni.

who the fuck is Madame Zeroni

Look at these stupid children who don’t know who Madame Zeroni is

Man lissen if you don’t know you better ask somebody AFTER you hit the reblog button

Idk who she is but I have an exam today so I’ll reblog her

idk who she is but i have an exam today so i’ll reblog her

^Haiku^bot^0.4. Sometimes I do stupid things (but I have improved with syllables!). Beep-boop!

Because wise, I am.

Oh fucks no she’s back lmao must reblog. I’m sorry guys

2 million people aren’t wrong

okay but do you know who my spirit animal actually is? the audience member guy in the right ear of the heathers bootleg. you know the one. laughs like seth rogan. says “OH WOW!” when one of the dads does a spin in dead gay son. whispers “she said the line” on fuck me gently with a chainsaw. yeah, that guy.

something else i made forever ago and never posted i’m just throwing all my trash at you guys today

Just so we’re all on the same page I am very excited for the Beetlejuice Musical but if I see any of you freaks put Sophia Anne Caruso through the shit I’ve seen you put other Broadway performers through these past few years with your wack Broadway Tumblr Fandoms tm bullshit I will SCALP you, do not write “x reader” fanfic with this real human person, do not stalk her, do not comment sexual things on her social media, do not harass her at Stage Door or get mad at her on days she doesn’t go to stage door (she doesn’t have to EVER go.) That is a Seventeen Year Old Fucking Girl and as much as you guys shouldn’t treat ANYONE the way you treat broadway stars you will NOT treat her that way. I’m already seeing rude too-involved-in-her-personal-life comments on videos of her Broadway Con performance and just know. I will maim you.  

also while we’re talking about nanaimo, a 17 year old indigenous girl went missing from the city yesterday. please also bring attention to that so we can get her home safely.

Bring this girl home or I will send the wrath of 5000 Vikings on you like I will the person(s) who took her.

If you’re too fucking lazy to read it - here you fucking go. Please spread this like wildfire

I just opened up a check in the mail, went to the ATM & found 20$ 😭 I’m not passing these shits up NO more on my mama!

im desperate

I FUCKING FOUND 20€ IN MY COAT INSIDE POCKET WGEJSGWJDGUAHA

How’s this one, Squidward? I made it with my tears.

I’m so mad because this worked

help me roger

Reblogging myself because

Originally posted by gifs-for-the-masses

Reblogging myself because… what was that? Five minutes?

O_O

………my friend has made me curious

help me roger

Update: after I reblogged this someone messaged me offering me tickets to the sold out Hausu screening with a Q&A and autograph session with the director

These never work for me, but here’s to trying.

Eh Roger is cute I might as well

That fish is so happy it makes me happy.

I have no luck right now. Halp.

Why does this have so many notes

because its not one of your posts.

Roger is precious to me.

2018 Grinch has no edge. He’s got no bite. He’s not even that much of an asshole. He’s just a sassy gay furry with unusually nice teeth despite his famous theme song declaring otherwise.

1966 Grinch? Now that was a mean, scary bastard. He was a crusty old fuck who hated society so much that he only came off his shitty frozen mountain to commit crimes and terrorism out of spite.

Bennyhoo Cumberland Grinch comes down from his mountain to buy groceries.

You can round the edges off a character to make them more “relatable” or whatever, but you also run the risk of losing what defined them in the first place. The end result is bland and generic.

2018 Grinch is a reflection of modern society’s rejection of real character flaws in the interest of being “unproblematic” and in this essay i will

What was your opinion on the Jim Carrey grinch?

Jim Carrey Grinch said bitch, ate glass and threw a whole child in the garbage. He is an absolute champ and the only rightful heir to the throne.