You Should’ve Been There

“You’ll be there, right?”

 “I wouldn’t miss it for the world, Y/N.” 

…

It was your first birthday in your new apartment that overlooked New York City, the first birthday you’d spend in some place other than your childhood home. It was your first birthday with a steady paying job, with best friends in an unfamiliar city, and with someone worth sharing every moment of it with: Luke.

You tirelessly hung illuminated Christmas lights and balloons around your flat while your best friend picked up your parents from the airport. In the kitchen, the caterer was preparing the appetizers and mixing cocktails as soft music played from the surrounding speakers, encouraging you to close your eyes and sway your hips. You stepped back from the decorations and smiled to yourself, pulling your phone out of your pocket to text Luke.

 To Luke: Just a reminder – party starts at 8:00. Can’t wait to see you. X

…

By the time your parents and Y/F/N arrived, you were almost done getting dressed. You smoothed out your black party dress at the sound of the doorbell and faced the mirror, admiring your scarlet red lips and the loose curls that cascaded down your back. You threw a sweater over your shoulders and reached for the gold locket in your jewelry box, a present Luke had given you on your three-month anniversary. As you made your way to greet your parents, you glanced at your phone to see if Luke tried to reach you: no new messages.

 “Happy Birthday, Y/N!” your mom says as she engulfs you in a warm embrace. Your dad follows close behind, handing you a beautifully decorated box.

 “We can’t wait to meet Luke, Y/N. Y/F/N was telling us all about him on the drive home from the airport. He seems like a keeper,” your dad said, pulling you into a hug.

You were interrupted by the sound of the doorbell, indicating the arrival of more guests, and made your way over to the door. A few of your co-workers and some of your friends from high school greeted you, handing you gifts and engaging in brief conversation. Moments later, the door opened to a familiar group of voices.

 “There she is! There’s our favorite birthday girl.”

You turned to see Luke’s best friend, Michael, coming at you with open arms, eventually engulfing you in a massive bear hug. Calum and Mali followed close behind, hugging you next, and Ashton and Bryana arrived shortly thereafter, hand-in-hand with sparkly gift-wrapped presents.

 “Happy Birthday, my love!” Bryana said as she brought you into a tight hug. You smiled and looked past her, hoping to see Luke walk through the door next. Bryana saw the disappointment in your eyes when you were met with the sight of a closed door.

 “He’s coming, okay?” Bry whispered, “I promise.”

 …

It was now two hours into the party, and Luke was still a no-show. People were asking you about your new job and about your new place, trying to avoid the question everyone was thinking: “Where is Luke?” There you were, forcing laughter and faking smiles as your friends and family reminisced about the past over cheese and crackers.

You were barely engaging in conversation anymore, just glancing at the clock and watching the door, waiting for a miracle, before it all became too much, and you found yourself aimlessly walking down the hall towards the bathroom through the blurry vision of tears. You immediately fell to your knees on the cold tile floor, unabashedly crying your eyes out, releasing the pent up sadness you were hiding behind your stone cold poker face the whole night. You kicked off your shoes and unzipped the back of your dress, the dress that Luke helped you pick out for the party and loved so much, finally allowing yourself to breathe for the first time in hours. Suddenly, you heard a quiet knock on the other side of the door that pulled you from your breakdown.

 “Y/N, it’s me. Can I come in?”

Your shaky hands reached for the doorknob, and as soon as you found the strength to open it, a familiar body was cradling your broken body and whispering soothing words into your ear. It was Calum.

 “He said he’d be here. He promised, Calum,” you said through broken sobs.

 “I know, Y/N, and when I find him I’ll kick his ass for making those empty promises,” Calum said. “But tonight is about you, Y/N. Don’t let him take this night away from you.”

You stood there, silently, in Calum’s embrace for what felt like an eternity before a loud knock fell on the bathroom door.

“Y/N? It’s time to blow out your candles!” Mali said from the other side of the door.

You looked in the mirror and wiped the mascara stains and smudged eyeliner from your face as Calum zipped up your dress and gathered your shoes. You combed through your hair with your fingers and nodded at Calum before interlocking his fingers with yours and walking into the living room.

Your tear-stained cheeks were met with many sympathetic eyes as you stood in front the illuminated chocolate cake on the dining room table. You scanned the familiar faces serenading you with an off-key version of Happy Birthday but realized that no amount of searching and wishing could make Luke’s face appear in the crowd. That was the moment you knew that your relationship with Luke was over, that what you two had wasn’t worth fighting for. You blew out your candles and silently wished that whatever Luke was doing right now was worth losing you for.

 …

After the last of the party guests departed, you changed into your sweatpants and your favorite flannel and curled up in the armchair that sits by the window, overlooking the city. You looked out into the dark sky, at the stars that were so bright they almost hurt your eyes, so bright that you couldn’t look away, and reminisced on your relationship with Luke. There would be no more coasting down back roads at 2 am going anywhere but home, no more lipstick stains on collarbones, and no more drawing lazy circles into each other’s backs as you both drank in the sunrise. You always thought that there was so much potential for your relationship to become something bigger than the both of you, but your fantasy came crashing down when Luke lost sight of what he had. 

Before standing up and heading to bed, your phone rang in your lap. Thinking it was a grateful party guest or one of your parents, you absentmindedly answered the call. It was Luke.

 “Hey Y/N, sorry about missing that thing tonight, I uh…had plans that came up,” he said through the phone, the sounds of a bustling night club filling the background of the call.

You stood there, looking out at the city, letting go of the breath you didn’t even realize you were holding as your eyes welled up at the sound of his voice.

 “I’m sorry, too.”

it's disrespectful how you've handled this.