You Will Never Be Glamor

I walk into the woods to ask the Blair witch out on a date and this is what I’m wearing

Anyone: Be respectful to women

Several hundred thousand men: ugh I used to be a big fan until you got all political ://///

i think yall are just pretending to have an excess of black bile so the doctors will give you more leeches

gordon ramsey: is the food good here?

underpaid server: 

i hate the term “spinal fluid” it conjures up horrible imagery in my mind

(lightly taps a spigot i have attached to my spinal column) come get y’all juice

We’ve never met and I hope it stays that way

this is the most powerful reply ive ever received 

shoutout to my coworker for thinking that “illuminati” and “alumnae” meant the same thing and absolutely destroying everyone in the room when he casually dropped the sentence “i get a discount there because i’m an illuminati” into the conversation

God this made me scream

lmao

SOPHIE TURNER for The Edit by Net-A-Porter (2019), ph. Yelena Yemchuk

me, age 12, watching elizabeth swann becoming pirate king:

(x)

parades at disney: here’s a 40 foot tall mechanical dragon that actually breaths fire

parades at universal: y’all remember Hop(2011)?

Ight but you can openly drink and there are kiosks full of alcohol at Universal So Take ya pick

have fun dehydrating at the amusement park, you stupid shit

Disney has more accidents recorded than any other amusment park franchise ever :/

Meanwhile Universal has had only about 21 major incidents

Wow. The company that has had parks open for over 60 years on four different countries has had more recorded accidents than the company with three parks that have been open since the 90s.

amusement part discourse 

id like to state for the record i didnt remember hop (2011) at all before this post

yeah the more visitors too, there will be chances an accident could occur and that could be based from many factors, but those are extremely rare cases and highly sensationalized by the media. they shouldnt scare you from going in amusement parks and going on those extreme rides especially when the crew do regular maintenance to prevent those from happening and ensure the safety of amusement park goers. using statistics on accidents as a way to say you stan a better amusement park is flawed and promotes fear and anxiety to those who just wanna enjoy fun rides

Ariana Grande in 2018