Things are juuuuust fine.

ppl are so annoying “you can’t paint ur bedroom pink you’re an adult” i did not spend my entire life waiting to grow up and control my life to paint my bedroom beige

I had a sales woman in furniture store try and tell me not to buy a hot bubblegum pink loveseat because she wanted me to “think about the future”

Bitch, I am thinking about the future. I already got a hot bubblegum pink couch at home and now I need a loveseat to go with it.

when I first bought my house, I announced my decision to paint my bedroom purple. I had wanted a purple bedroom for thirty damn years, you fucking bet I was gonna have one now. My friends decided, for some reason, that I meant what one of them referred to as “14 year old girl purple” (through what’s wrong with the colors a 14 year old girl chooses, I don’t know, even if they’re not what I want as an adult). They didn’t believe me until they saw the color on the actual wall, even thought they helped me pick out paints. My mother, meanwhile, decided to get worried that if I painted my bedroom a “dark purple”, it would be “depressing”. As if, with an entire house to live in, I would spend all my time in the bedroom, which I wanted to be dark because I would be sleeping in there. In the damn dark.

I had like one, maybe two friends who were all like FUCK YEAH YOU PAINT IT WHATEVER COLOR YOU WANT, PURPLE BEDROOMS ARE AWESOME.

But when they actualy saw the finished bedroom, every single one of them was like, “Oh yeah, that’s really pretty.” (Well, the ones who supported me from the beginning were more like WOOHOO.)

And the moral of the story is: Fuck ‘em, please yourself. Either they’ll come around, or you can safely ignore every question of taste they opine about for the rest of time.

This applies to other adulting activities, too. When I was a kid, I decided that I wanted to have a wedding cake made of doughnuts. When I got older, I figured that I would be “mature” about it and get a traditional cake, which the older adults approved of. Now that I’m 25 and facing the possibility of actual marriage in the near future, I’m just like “marriage is a social construct but it comes with tax & insurance benefits, so just give me that goddamn doughnut cake.” If they don’t like it then they don’t have to come to my wedding.

Maybe aliens don’t visit our solar system because they checked on Yelp and we only have one star.

I work in a kitchen. You have no idea how many people say 'You look like the guy from ratatouille'. Every damn minute.

You ARE the guy from ratatouille. Accept your fate

me: *gets scared that im wasting my life*

also me: im gonna deal with this feeling by taking a long nap in the middle of the day

Literally me in elementary school

squad goals

What an adorable start to a murder

‘Go to bed, you’ll feel better’ is the human equivalent of: ‘Have you turned it off and on again?’

I woke up out of a dead sleep to make this and then immediately passed back out

I raise u 

Trainer Alex wants to battle!

I add

please consider

just lie down on the sidewalk with your tongue against the concrete till th whole world dissolves like an uncoated pill

i wanna know if op was okay when writing this

one day youll be face to face with whatever saw fit to let you exist in the universe and youll have to justify the space youve filled

what

What the hell did I just watch? 

It’s me pretending to be a video game character what is wrong with you it’s pretty straight-forward

Wow this is really accurate right down to the breathing.

I’ve never hit reblog so fast in my life.

me trying to fing my gotdamn keys

Ok who’s the wise ass at yugioh duel links

Why are customers stupid as fuck

“Does the decaf coffee have caffeine?” What the fuck do you think!

“Can I get a bacon sandwich”

“Which one sir? We have three of them”

“The one with the bacon on it”

Hi my name is Customer McDumbass and I ordered six frappaccinos, all different, during a rush right before my flight is supposed to board and I’m mad my drinks aren’t done yet!

Um. Decaf has caffeine. Chemically decaffeinated somewhat less so than Swiss water process decaf, but it still has enough to fuck with particularly sensitive people.

I mentioned this in the replies but the customer asked because they wanted the coffee with the MOST caffeine and thought decaf was that. It was genuinely stupid I promise

Me: “I have a small cappuccino for Caitlin!”

Customer: “What? But I ordered a large Americano!”

Me: “What’s your name?”

Customer: “Laurie”

I have customers walk away with the wrong drink so often because of that constantly. Like ma’am, you ordered a large frap. Does this medium hot cup really seem like it’s the right beverage for you???????

“And WHY exactly can’t I use my coupon?”

“…because your coupon is for a regular priced item, and your item is on sale.”

“Well, how was I supposed to KNOW it was on sale?”

“Well, ma'am, there was a sign right above it on the shelf–”

“I came in here to SHOP, not to READ.”

Dude I have people with bones coming out of their body asking me if I think it’s an emergency and if they should go to the hospital or wait till it gets better. Like humans are just plain stupid

WHY CANT I USE MY COUPON TWICE???

“Where are my vouchers? I was told I would get them!”

“No sir, you took out business with us two months before the voucher offer started.”

“So I’m going to get my vouchers?”

“No sir, because you started business with us before the offer began.”

“I want my vouchers!”

“You aren’t eligible for any voucher sir.”

“This is ridiculous! I was told I would get vouchers.”

“Actually sir we’ve listened to all the calls, and no one mentioned the vouchers to you.”

“…So when will I get my vouchers?”

B o I

Reblogging for the comic

That “grabbing the obviously wrong drink” thing pissed me off so much when I was a barista. It really made me lose faith in humanity’s intelligence.

Yesterday a woman who ordered a mocha grabbed someone else’s chai, despite names being announced and written on cups, drank half of it, then returned it and yelled at me because it wasn’t her drink. Customers really are that stupid

HEY. HOW DID YOU GET SO BIG.

WHAT KIND OF DOG ARE YOU.

I HAVE QUESTIONS FOR YOU.