Humans have finally managed to land on Mars, only to find a locked safe buried in the Martian soil. The key is apparently on Earth, but no one knows where.

The galactic council watched on to see how humanity would handle the task, much as they had with several species before. What the test was supposed to show was whether or not a species of violent nature could ever be brought to work together. They finally picked something up, another ship already headed to Mars? Was it possible humans were that clever to have found the key, maybe it was more specialists and equipment to analyze the locked crate to ensure it was safe to open. A few minutes after landing, they got another broadcast from the red planet.

“This is the LockPickingLawyer and today I’ve got something quite special, this locked alien chest. First of all I have to thank everyone who recommended me for the job, I’m honored that you all thought of me. Now let’s get to work”

The council representatives were confused as they started analyzing the translation, before even getting through the name he spoke something haunting

“Normally I don’t say things like this but this lock is quite unique, however with no security pins it will still be quite quick.”

“There we go, a click on 3… “

All the species of the galactic council sat dumbfounded, they spent many galactic cycles refining and perfecting their study and in all their time not a singular race had tried this method. Click after click, even in such an intricate lock the human had only spent around five minutes tampering with it.

“There we go, now while I can’t open this as part of my video I can say that I at least have a clue what the key should look like in case it ever gets locked again. I admire the design choices and the fact that at least it was harder to get open than anything Master Lock has made”

we are the “oh, I know a guy” teamwork species

[Image description: a screenshot of tumblr tags reading

#tumblr fiction # THAT’S THE THING THO #humans are a team effort species #but we’re a team effort species THROUGH individual specialized roles! #you don’t all try to go hunt the elephant! #you have a handful of dudes who are experts in hunting elephant! #and they do it!]

We are the “oh I know a guy!” teamwork species!

That’s what I’ve been trying to figure out how to say about adulting. Adulting isn’t about knowing how to handle every situation. Adulting is about knowing who knows how to handle any given situation, and how to contact them. No one knows all the things; the adultiest of adults still has places where they don’t have a damn clue — they just call another person who’s adultier in that area than they are.

im noticing that for a lot of americans “free palestine” has been an ideological motto and symbol rather than them actually believing in their heart that freedom is attainable and necessary

palestinians deserve the right to be able to travel freely in our homeland. to even visit our homeland. for us to have citizenship and rights to our own country. to grow our plants. practice our religions. live without fear that our children can be kidnapped by israeli forces on their violent whims. to not have our life savings poured into building a home for our families that are torn down without real warning by israeli bulldozers. to no longer be refugees. like this is real life. this is real.

we don’t want to be reduced to a never ending slogan. we want to put down our need for resistance. to rest & to live.

i play with my friends and i smile. and it’s fucking happy. reblog if you play

reminder that digital libraries aren’t owned, also why pirating digital content is a necessity

Skeletor has forever destroyed our ability to come up with voices for skeleton characters.

this is like saying NASA has forever destroyed our ability to wonder what it's like on the moon. like we can still use our powers of imagination if we want to but the question's pretty much fucking settled.

cleaned up a sketch of the Romance Dawn trio

public library save me

When I read a fanfic I like, the author becomes a mini celebrity to me. So when an author with a work I like kudos’ or comments on my own fanfic I just-

THIS THIS THIS

it was only a matter of time before i drew 3 sword style nami let’s be honest

yknow i never noticed the sheer rareness of images having ids or alt text on this website until i started adding alt text to my art (and trying to remember to add it to any images i post in general, especially text screenshots) and that makes me kinda sad

I feel like a lot of people just don't know how to do it or are intimidated by the prospect. I was too, actually, and I couldn't find any good guides on how to do it (beyond basic formatting) and most guides boiled down to "just describe what you see and important details!" I really wanted to add alt text bc accessibility is important to me, but I would always get kinda stumped on how to do it.

But then I saw this image, I think in a discord server, and I immediately started doing it. It kinda broke the ice for me

Oh my goodness thank you!!

Something also worth keeping in mind with alt text is the intent of the image. You don't (and probably usually shouldn't) necessarily need to include every fine detail of the image if it isn't pertinent to the intent.

Also don't include things like "image of..." Assistive tech will convey that it's an image already.

I swear I get sad if I wake up and one is on the floor

They are exploring under the bed! This is normal stuffed animal behavior, as they are trained to protect you from monsters and shadow creatures, so it's natural that they want to keep an eye out. Don't be sad, thank your friend for doing such a good job.

they have little adventures with the dust bunnys under there

Alright, to ao3's soon to be arriving Wattpad Refugees, a basic guide to general user culture:

1.) Unlike Wattpads vote system that let's you like each chapter, the ao3 equivalent kudos only allows one per work. Everyone is generally quietly annoyed about this. To engage with each chapter, you're heavily encouraged to comment. Trust me, it makes people's day.

2.) Ao3 has no algorithm. By default it's latest updated work first. You can find things to your taste through searches, filters and tags.

3.) 'No archive warnings apply' and 'user has chosen not to use archive warnings' mean two very different things. No archives warnings means the work is free from any content that could require a warning tag (character death, graphic depictions of violence, non-con, etc). User has chosen not to use archive warnings means it could contain any of the warning content, be it hasn't been explicitly tagged. Treat it like an allergen. No archive warnings apply is allergen free. User has chosen not to use archive warnings, may contain traces or whole chunks of the allergen. If you're likely to have a bad reaction, maybe don't take the risk.

4.) Speaking of warnings, ao3 has very few restrictions on the type of work that's allowed. Whatever your personal thoughts or feelings on that are, thats how the site is. You're likely to run across some dark subject matters and a lot of people are uncomfortable with reading that. You're well within your rights not like these works and have your opinion on whether they should be allowed, but harassing the authors of such works (or any works) is more likely to come back on you than them. Ao3 operates on a strong policy of 'don't like, don't read'. Use the tagging system to your full advantage to only engage with the kind of works you want to see.

We look forward to welcoming you all and seeing the fantastic works you create. Happy writing!

Father-daughter behaviour

Labour is going to win the general election and then say this doesn’t go far enough.

"Sunak said ‘something has gone wrong’ since the pandemic to increase the number of people signed off work for long-term sickness" (metro)

staring into the camera like its the fucking office

"Mr Sunak also said, if the Conservatives win the general election, those who were still out of work after 12 months after support from a work coach will have "their benefits removed entirely"." (bbc)

just fucking shoot me now i hate it here

okay logging back in for one thing:

the government now has an open call for evidence on their proposed changes.

"This call for evidence is part of a wider suite of activity to reform the fit note and will act as a prelude to a full consultation on specific policy proposals which will be launched later this year."

it's all well and good for people to say "oh just because he said it, doesn't mean it will happen", as if the government hasnt happily let disabled people die from benefit cuts, lack of social care and oh yeah FUCKING COVID. have people forgotten that? 6/10 covid deaths in the uk were disabled people and nobody cared. so don't think they won't keep making it worse for us.

please read, please share and please if youre in the uk, please consider fighting with us to stop this.

i am so tired of watching my community die.

[ID: a tweet by @ MetroUK on 19th April 2024 reading “GP’s will soon be stripped of the ability to sign people off work as part of a major government initiative to crack down on “sick note” culture. Rishi Sunak says people should stop “over-medicalising the everyday challenges and worries of life”. Attached below the text is a picture of a GP signing off on a sick note. /End ID]