It's My Life

im feeling so sensual and nude

exactly like a crocodile

i hate how they market alexa as a ‘member of the family’ like that’s SO fucking blatantly insidious and terrifying also if i wanted an untrustworthy/cold/emotionless machine in my life i’d just talk to my fuckin father 

Don’t call me out like this

I love genuinely innocent “boys will be boys.” Just saw a guy come out of a frat house to poke a pair of jeans they’d left outside - they were frozen solid, and as soon as he confirmed that, like twenty more boys came rushing out of the house going “YOOOOOOOOOO”

I heard grunting outside my window the other night and there were four boys struggling to push this giant snowball (like 7 foot diameter) down the sidewalk.

Fucking prepare yourself for this one

Things I Want From Frozen 2: Elsa gets a girlfriend

Things I’ll Probably Get From Frozen 2: Olaf gets a girlfriend who is clearly his girlfriend because she has two snowballs on her chest

Good Frozen 2 Alternate Ending: Olaf gets a hunk boyfriend and guess where those two snowballs are

other people buying clothes: i chose this based on my hair color, skin tone, the time of year, the recommendations of 10 different fashion magazines and my horoscope

me buying clothes:

#BROKEBACKNATURAL

i love getting kissed on the forehead so much it’s like they’re saying “hey i’m gonna show you affection but i’m not trying to get anything out of this, i just want you to feel happy” 

Millennials are Killing the Bed Frame Industry: Feminist Edition

Getting a $50 bed frame that gets your mattress off the floor will extend the life of your mattress. You sweat when you are sleeping and it seeps into the mattress. A lot of it evaporates from the surface, but some goes down in deeper. Over the years you could end up with mildew and rot at the bottom of your mattress. God forbid you have carpet under it, that would need replacing too. If your mattress has air flow under it, it will evaporate from both sides instead of mildewing.

I don’t think anyone ever told me why you get a mattress frame, that makes so much sense.

hello everyone may i introduce you to my dear friend the fffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffff

FRIED EGG JELLYFISH

egg? egg? egg? egg? 

egg? egg? egg?

egg? egg? egg? egg? egg? egg? egg? egg? egg? egg? egg? egg?