For what?

Trying to find that fine line between aggressiveness and passivity. Between being suffocating and being withdrawn. The line is timely assertiveness and oh how hard it is to walk that shit.

I had a dream that I viciously gunned my father down, and as much as I hate him, the overwhelming, purple darkness that I felt afterward consumed me during the dream, and even after I woke up. I felt like I lost my grip, like I lost my humanity, and became just a void….running around aimlessly. 

Got a new crush, I haven’t felt this excited about anybody in years. I REALLY hope this shit works out, bcuz honestly…..it never has…….

Gee, I sure hope everything turns out OK. This adult shit is hard, tiring, and stressful. :/

A lot of times we say shit is “whatever,” when it totally fucking isn’t.  Yo, it’s OK to feel that shit, it’s OK to be concerned, it’s OK to talk about it. Just don’t let it devour you, don’t let it own you, and don’t let it become an incessant worry. But you see, not letting “it” ruin you….that’s the hard part, especially if you have mental illness. So, if it does start to own you, devour you, worry you too too much, all is not lost. Try to get some help if you can, and try the best you can, everyday. That’s all you should ask out of yourself. The best you have.

Yo, I hope we can all do a better job of getting out of our comfort zone. Moreover, I hope that when we do, we make connections that are actually meaningful, instead of just gathering useless phone numbers. Solitude is cool, but too much of it can eat you alive. 

Used history books are the best, and this picture is proof.

Breakbot-Baby I’m Yours

As a society, I think we should focus on teaching people how to be good, interesting, useful, and passionate instead of forcing them into gender roles that, quite frankly, stymie our ability to grow as people. To put it another way, whether or not you fit a mold of masculinity or femininity isn’t terribly useful when it comes to say: learning how to cook, being interested in fashion, being able to cry when shit hits the fan, having an actually substantial political philosophy, and wanting to be something (whatever that something is).  Of course, the terms “good,” “interesting,” and “useful,” require definition, and it shouldn’t surprise anyone that those definitions are not going to be homogeneous among all groups or peoples. Such conversations are for another place and time. However, I think it would be wise to at least make sure the focus is on achieving goodness, intrigue, usefulness, and a life of passion, and doing so without being encumbered by notions of what it means to be a “man” or a “woman.” Moreover, such retrograde notions shouldn’t affect us during the definition creation stage, the application of those definitions to our daily lives, nor any subsequent re-evaluations of the aforementioned definitions. In short: in a better world, people would focus on being good people, instead of giving a rat’s ass about how to be the prototypical “man” or “woman.”

Some stuff that I made……

Song:  tellme~ Artist: lil vegan Year: 2018 Why it’s Dope: A fantastic intro that does a great job of setting the track’s tone, super strong production that is hazy, warm, and raw, excellent instrumentation that is impactful and well-placed, and a solid vocal performance that is honest and passionate.

Song: GDNGHT Artist:  𝓓𝓿𝓷𝓖𝓿𝓷 Year: 2018 Why it’s Dope: Beautiful textures that are nocturnal and aquatic, solid bassline that is warm and deliciously low, strong percussion that is snappy yet controlled, and a relaxing song structure that patiently moves from one phase to the next.

Song: The Fold Up Artist: Corbin Year: 2017 Why it’s Dope: An absolutely killer keyboard line that is vivid and kinetic, fantastic instrumentation with strong interplay and memorable shapes, solid song structure that is evolving and arresting, and a vocal performance that is smooth and sensual yet still emotive.

Song: Destiny’s Child - Emotions (Dr. Derg Remix) Artist: Dr. Derg Year: 2014 Why it’s Dope: Vocal manipulations that are surreal, absurd, and exciting, proud percussion that booms with confidence and zeal, solid source material that was dying to be remixed, and colorful synths that are shimmering with passion and idyllic bliss.

Song: Nothing Better Artist: The Postal Service Year: 2003 Why it’s Dope: An utterly fantastic song concept that is emotional, clever, and dynamic, fantastic production that is filled with a wide array of synths mixed with swift and assured drums, strong melodies that are memorable, punchy, and vivid, and superb vocal performances from Ben Gibbard and Jen Wood that are convincing and heartfelt.

Song: PUNK Artist: Dean Blunt Year: 2014 Why it’s Dope: Fantastic bassline that slithers within the smoky ambiance of this tune, a dark vocal performance that is raw, downtrodden, and honest, a sturdy song structure that thoroughly evolves and makes an impact despite its short length, and memorable lyrics that amplify the emotions provided by the production, performance, and instrumentation.

Song: She’s Lost Control Artist: Joy Division Year: 1979 Why it’s Dope: Fantastic production that is subtle and eerie, a classic vocal refrain that gives the track force, a solid drum beat that excels with its simplicity, and an engaging composition that has a twisted, disconcerting edge to it while maintaining some accessibility.