Finally in a place where I can open up about losing my baby. It was so sudden and I can’t even begin to describe the pain I felt being that helpless to stop it. I am so grateful to all the support I got at this time so I ask you to use this tool when you aren’t sure how to respond to a parent who lost their baby. Believe me when I say it is a grief unlike any I’ve ever experienced. To all the parents who’ve lost a child I’m so sorry for your loss and feel your pain. ❤️
If you're offering writing tips ... I, also, am recently on ADHD meds that aren't really doing a lot for me, and struggle greatly with executive dysfunction. I've got ideas, a world, a narrative, I think there's something to it, but I have an incredibly hard time actually sitting down and typing this stuff out. I get exhausted just looking at Scrivener, except for like one day every 3-4 months where I bang out five thousand words in a night. Do you have any advice on how to actually get it out?
I’m afraid I don’t really have too much to offer on that one. :( I’ve got like the worst writing habits; I’ve had to structure my entire approach around my fun brain problems and I also usually only get work done in great big bursts every once in a while. Best advice I’ve got is to try to structure your approach to writing around your disabilities instead of fighting yourself, that’s what’s worked for me, but I don’t have ADHD so idk how broadly applicable that really is.
Learning to accommodate your ADHD and cultivate good writing habits that don't lead to complete creative and executive function burnout is a tough thing to learn but is possible.
A lot of writing advice out there isn't hugely helpful for ADHD brains. Unhelpful things like "you just gotta sit down and do it" don't work when trying to focus on something you don't want to do actively shut down parts of your brain.
Nor does a lot of "hard deadlines" as hard deadlines only really work for ADHD when there's panic involved. We need the adrenaline surge, even sometimes when we're medicated. But that's not healthy and leads to quicker and more prolonged burnout the more you do it. Trust me; I've obliterated my mental health several times this way, and each time it gets harder and harder to bounce back from.
So, what does work for us? Well, like @natalieironside pointed out, finding ways to accommodate your "fun" brain needs is far better than trying to make your brain perform to a neurotypical standard that will cause quicker burnout and force you to rely on hyperfixations to get things done. There are several ways to do this, but my recommendation would be to set yourself small goals with:
I've talked numerous times about needing to make your own dopamine with ADHD. Our brains just don't create enough of it, even when medicated. I use a sticker reward system for myself. It's a fun way to make myself feel better and provide visual feedback that shows progress is being made. Progress my brain would otherwise never acknowledge and continue to make me feel bad for "never getting anything done."
For writing, my suggestion is to set yourself small daily goals. 500 words a day is my go-to; every 500 words, I get a star. If I feel capable of doing more that day? Great. If not, also great! I met my goal for the day.
If that goal is too much for you? Also fine! Start smaller, train your brain to get used to doing a little bit every day. Small progress is still better than no progress.
This reminds me, don't worry if what you thought the story was going to be evolves over time and looks nothing like your original plot outline.
Making plans tend to be viewed as the holy grail of success for ADHD. That if we just write the thing down, plotting it out in meticulous detail, that for once, maybe, we might actually complete something. But the truth is, stories don't always turn out the way you thought they would, and sometimes they need to change from your original plan to be better.
For many folks with ADHD, this can feel like a failure.
We're often told that our inability to stick to plans is a character flaw. So the pressure to "stick with the plan" is real and can even become debilitating. Failure to conform can cause feelings of inadequacy, depression, and general "why bother, I keep fucking up."
But writing is a creative process, and creative processes need to be flexible. So should you plot things out or just write as you go? Honestly, whatever works best for you. I advise doing extremely rough outlining, but again, keep yourself open to the idea that this is flexible. It is not set in stone. You are in control of this, and you can change it as you need.
If you're really struggling with structure or trying to figure out where something is tripping you up, getting other writer friends to beta read can help. Alternatively, you can hire an editor for a manuscript assessment so they can tell you where your strengths are and where things are tripping you up. Sometimes it's good to have another pair of eyes go over things so you can get a fresh perspective and adjust accordingly.
Speaking of editors: Don't Edit During Rough Drafts. It's far too easy to fall down a rabbit hole of hyperfixating on trying to make something "perfect" the first time around when in reality, it's much better to view the project as a whole before you start chopping it into pieces. What you spend weeks editing might not even make the final cut at the end. Save yourself the time now, and save that process for later.
If you really need to edit something, do so at the end of a milestone, like a chapter. But also, don't let yourself get bogged down in it. If you notice something that needs to be changed, leave yourself a note in the margins using the comment feature. It'll make it easier to find things when you get to the redraft stage and also go back and strengthen areas that need it. Can't stop fixating on it? Time to take a break before your ADHD goes down a spiral.
Also, taking a break from your work is not a failure. Sometimes you gotta rest the old brain-meat and come back when you're less burned out.
Are you getting enough stimulation? Or are you getting too much negative stimulation?
I personally can't focus in a minimalist room; my brain just keeps latching onto how empty everything is and starts running in circles looking for stimuli. I like my spaces to be visually interesting. But I also can't focus in a room that's too messy.
As I type this in bed, I'm HUGELY aware of the pile of clothes on the floor that needs to be moved to the laundry. By itself, it wouldn't be a problem, but with the other stimuli in the room (the TV is on, I've got Discord running, I'm on Tumblr, and a small dog is cute at my feet), it's so distracting I keep tabbing out of this post and looking for "soothing" extra stimuli which won't actually help me focus on what I need to do. I'm able to block almost all the other things out, but my attention keeps coming back to the clothes. It is a type of negative stimuli, and it's sapping my energy away from what I want to do.
This is why before I sit down to work every day, I look at my environment to see if it could be benefited from a 15-minute pickup.
Finding the right stimulating environment is almost as important IMO as finding a distraction-free environment.
But what can you do to make your environment happy-brain-stimulating? That will really depend on your own individual needs. Like I said, I like things to be visually interesting. But I also like to wear noise-canceling headphones to block out the hum of the fridge two rooms away. I also listen to video game music. It's specifically designed to keep you engaged when grinding away at tedious tasks. I do have "hype" playlists, but I use those more for getting myself in the mood to write than trying to sustain workflow. Other people use stim toys. ADHD advocate, BlackGirlLostKeys has a good range of stim toys in her store.
This brings me to:
ADHD folks tend to be unnecessarily hard on ourselves. We've been conditioned by a lifetime of "if you just applied yourself" or "but you're so smart!" to set ourselves up for nigh on impossible standards we wouldn't expect of anyone else.
Are you thinking of your work negatively? Do you put yourself down, even humorously? Stop. I know it's a coping mechanism; I do it too. But you need to stop. Training yourself to think negatively about yourself and your work, even as a self-defense mechanism, eventually sticks, and it will become harder and harder to psyche yourself up to do the thing.
It's normal to feel burned out and tired with projects; that also happens to NT people. But unlike NT people, we can't just push through. It can cause us real distress to try and work on things our brains are too tired to do. For me, it even makes my chronic pain exponentially worse. But if you want to work on the thing and are just having an "ooh shiny" day (only ADHD people are funny when they make that joke, NTs don't try it), hyping yourself up can be really helpful. I don't mean to induce hyperfixation--although sometimes that is unavoidable. It's just how our brains work. But rather, make yourself feel good about your work.
A common iteration I say to myself is, "fuck yeah, time to fuck around and find out" as I sit down to write a new draft.
I try to make it into something I will look forward to doing. It's a reward for getting all my other shit done. Got my laundry done? Time to go play around with my vampire son and write an incentive to social reform and/or riot.
Did the dishes? Time to go create a whole new world! Hell yeah!
You can also just straight-up play with your characters. People think it's hilarious that I write fanfic of my own work, but it's also an excellent exercise for working through things like writer's block or burnout. It can be very liberating to take your character out of their world and drop them into a fandom setting.
When a client tells me they're struggling with a character, I tell them to take them out to coffee. Take your character, drop them in a coffee shop. What's their order, how do they interact with the world? How would they exist in this alternate reality while still being true to their canon self? Doing this can not only be silly fun, but it can also help you get a better grasp of your characters and the defining traits you want to emphasize.
Basically, treat it like a fandom you love, and write like you love it. That doesn't mean it won't be hard at times or that you might fall out of love with something and decide to move on to something else. But it's infinitely better than approaching things with the mindest of "ugh, I'm not getting enough done/nothing I do is good enough."
Anyway, this post got waaay longer than is probably helpful, but I hope anyone who needs it will glean something that might be useful to them. Happy writing!
Finished the Sailor Moon one today 🤗
Sis got me this for Christmas and I finally put it together today 🤩
***Wanted to add it’s called a paper theatre and you can find them on Amazon, they have a ton of Studio Ghibli ones too!
Long time no see! Hope your as alright as anyone is during this pandemic.
Thank you! It’s been a long year and being a therapist meant no breaks for me sadly. Also did get COVID but doing much much better now.
Here’s hoping I get some time this year to get back into writing and everyone starts feeling better. ❤️
Everyone should know the international sign for Help Me. Let’s make this famous!!
Interesting; I didn’t know this was a thing.
It’s apparently a thing, but it’s a very new thing, so it may need some help being known.
The Signal for Help (or the Violence at Home Signal for Help) is a single-handed gesture that can be used by an individual to alert others that they feel threatened and need help over a video call, or in-person. It was originally created as a tool to combat the rise in domestic violence cases around the world as a result of the self-isolation measures related to the COVID-19 pandemic…
The Signal for Help was first introduced in Canada by the Canadian Women’s Foundation on April 14, 2020, and on April 28, 2020 in the United States by the Women’s Funding Network (WFN). It received widespread praise from local, national, and international news organizations for helping provide a modern solution to the issue of a rise in domestic violence cases.
The signal has been recognized by over 40 organizations across Canada and the United States as a useful tool to help combat domestic violence.
Addressing concerns that abusers may become aware of such a widespread online initiative, the Canadian Women’s Foundation and other organizations clarified that this signal is not “something that’s going to save the day,” but rather a tool someone could use to get help.
OK Highway Patrol Captain George Brown says the best “tip” for women to not get raped by a cop is to “follow the law in the first place so you don’t get pulled over.” http://youtu.be/BO8g8akPWcY (Last third of the video).
Three serial rapists in 3 weeks arrested in Oklahoma, all cops.
Pro tip: if you’re signaled to pull over (whether you’re male or female) and you’re in a place that has no witnesses, turn your hazard lights on to acknowledge the officer’s siren, and drive to the nearest gas station or populated area. This is accepted protocol by every agency. You are not obligated pull over until you can do so safely. This includes personal safety. Understand your rights, brothers and sisters. There are disgusting examples of authority in this world.
HAZARD LIGHTS ARE NOT AN ACCEPTABLE ACKNOWLEDGEMENT. IT IS NOT ACCEPTED PROTOCOL BY EVERY AGENCY. DO NOT JUST CONTINUE DRIVING WITH YOUR HAZARD LIGHTS IN CASE THE COP MIGHT THINK IT’S A LOW-SPEED CHASE.
I know that sounds dumb, but hear me out. My mother is a dispatcher for the local police station. I asked her about how to pull over for a cop and even brought up the use of hazard lights, and she told me that it is not always accepted. This is what she told me you can do in order to feel safe when pulling over:
Call the police. No, really. Call and tell the dispatcher where you are and that there is a cop behind you demanding you pull over. The dispatcher can and will stay on the line with you while they look up the area you’re in to see if it’s one of their station’s cops. Then, once the cop comes to your window, you can crack it open (it only has to be an inch!) while still on the phone with the dispatcher. This is definitely, 100% accepted protocol.
The dispatcher will verify that it is their own, real cop, and they will gladly stay on the line with you throughout your interaction with the officer. And God forbid this ever happens to any of you, but if something were to happen to you during this time, you’ve already contacted 911 and given your location to the dispatcher.
Please keep this in mind if you are ever requested to pull over and do not feel safe. The dispatcher will understand. Do not, however, continue to drive, because there might be the off-chance an officer will think you’re flat-out refusing to pull over (a well-lit, populated area might be a ways away).
Stay safe.
Signal boost.
Because I personally know some creepy ass mother fuckers who became cops because they’re demented psychopaths and they get off on having control over people.
In light of current bullshit, this might be a good idea for a LOT of people, not just women. Marginalized minorities of all stripes, take note. I hate taking up an emergency dispatcher’s resources, but i also hate seeing yet another fucked up news story about police harming citizens.
THIIIIS
Good to know!
Happy International Women’s Day! (March 8th, 2021)
So, I won’t lie, I wrote this right after Cover Me but was a little too shy to post it as I didn’t know if people liked the idea of Todoroki with an OC I created long ago for his love interest. I decided after almost a year and a half of sitting on it to just bite the bullet and put it up.
Please heed trigger warnings!!
Summary:
Todoroki has not seen Asuna since they were five years old. Both had a home life filled with abuse and both were separated before they had a chance to heal. Years later, he runs into his long lost childhood friend who is on the run from a sadistic boyfriend willing to go to any lengths to get her back. Todoroki vows to keep her safe and never let her go again. Sequel to Cover Me featuring the group of detectives in Todoroki's squad.
so is Victory
LOVE TRIANGLE
Don’t forget Truth (Coming Out of Her Well to Shame Mankind)
This must be why the Trump administration hates them all
The Four Horsewomen of the Trumpocalypse.
I’ve never reblogged anything so quick
The Ultimate Squad, comin’ to wreck your shit and save the world
Rb for that art doe
Dignity here to join the girl posse.
AVENGERS ASSEMBLE
reblogging for the second time
Reblogging because I don’t think Dignity was on it last time I saw it.
Dignity is rare on this site.
THAT LAST COMMENT THO
Very rare indeed
Sadie is also struggling with the insanity by showing us that even nap time can be ruined by convuluted doggy beds and an annoying little brother.
I’ve been documenting my doggies slow descent into madness. First we have Odin the mighty beast outwitting the dreadful crate to retrieve his beloved unicorn toy.
When you’re trying so hard to film you accidentally bump into a singing villager 😩
So I just got New Horizons, and it’s great, and I see you n your husband have it, so I was wondering if you had any Totw/WNW/big four Animal crossing HCs on how they’d play? Would love to hear!
Oh now this is an awesome question that truly made my day!!
So I imagine Jack got the game cause he played the original as a teen and couldn’t wait for the new one. He takes it seriously and is all about getting those bells and nook miles. Meanwhile, Rapunzel thought the animals were cute and asked if she could also play and so he let her inhabit his island since she was new to the game.
Now he can’t get his switch back because she’s officially obsessed and cries when her animal neighbors talk to her and give her things. She buys things for them and because she loves decorating the island she is advancing further than he is and the only time she’ll let him play is so he can make actual changes on the island when she can’t. She loves leaving him cards and gifts at his house so he has a pile of DIY, items, and clothing outside his door every time he’s on. He often makes her things and will help her catch bugs or fish if she has a hard time with it.
She’s always inviting their friends to the island and can spend hours voice chatting and having fun visiting her friends while Jack drinks a beer and plays his PlayStation since he can’t join in. He’ll make fun that she stole his game but secretly loves it when she squeals excitedly if she gets something cool or gets a new reaction from the other animals.
I imagine she keeps her appearance much like her natural self while Jack enjoys different hair colors and styles and gets the most ridiculous mismatched outfits. He’ll leave little surprises for her like random flowers in new spots or putting pitfalls in hidden areas to trick her.
His favorite island animal is Cube the penguin cause he’s lazy and is a penguin while hers is Fuschia, a pink deer who makes her feel special for some reason. Jack hates Pierce the eagle cause he thinks he’s trying to hit on Rapunzel so he’s secretly trying to get him off the island but Rapunzel will cry if any of her friends leave.
Hope you enjoyed this and hope you’re loving the game!
Yeah get it Canberra!!
I’m not even 5 minutes to playing and already my husband is up to no good! 😂😂
