I really try to challenge Canadian stereotypes at every opportunity but today I was walking down Young St. in Toronto and a firetruck honked very loudly and I clutched my chest and said “MY WORD” and as it drove past, a fireman leaned out of the window and apologized to me so I just don’t know
Patch-up pal
A huge and ancient dragon loses her clutch of eggs. She decides to adopt an office building full of employees as her children. But to keep them safe, she doesn’t want to let any of them leave.
“Mighty Opiess, Destroyer of Kingdoms, pl-”
“Mom.”
“Uhh…..right. Mom. Um, so I have to get back home. I’ve got three kids who need dinner and I really think I should..go….back………why are you crying?”
“Grandbabies!!”
Suddenly, every school holiday is Bring Your Spawn To Work Day.
She’s working on getting a school in the building.
Right, this is everyone’s fault.
Grandmother
The Vermillion Life & Casualty building housed other businesses than the insurance company that built it, but they still held the majority of the floors. The economic divisions did not matter to the ancient one; she had adopted all in the building. A tense week of negotiations after her arrival meant everyone could go home after their shifts, but they still needed to check in with her on a regular basis. IT had set up a speakerphone in her aerie for emergencies, and it chirped for her attention in the early afternoon.
“Yes, dear?” she rumbled.
“I’m sorry Ma, I have to leave early,” Karen’s usually clear voice was thin with stress.
“What is it?” Opiess asked in alarm, “Are you sick?”
“No, ma’am. I just got a call from the school about Rachel getting into a fight.”
“Come up. I will take you there.”
“Maaaa… “
“No. If one of our clan is threatened, we will answer the threat. If one of our clan has become a threat, we will correct them.” The dragon’s firm tone brooked no argument. “Come up.”
Karen had to admit that arriving in the school parking lot on a dragon did give her a slight edge to her presence when she came into the office. “What is the problem?”
The vice principal in charge of discipline shook her head, “Rachel punched another student, and will have to be suspended for three days.”
“He wouldn’t leave me alone!” the girl said, glaring at the middle-aged administrator. “He keeps poking me and pulling my hair-ties out!”
Karen turned to the school official, barely containing her anger, “This other kid get suspended for bullying her?”
“That is none of your concern,” she started, and was interrupted by a deep growl outside the office window.
“Injury to my clan is my concern,” Opiess rumbled. “I am told I am not allowed to eat those who abuse my children and their children. I am told we can, however, sue for damages.”
“Damages? He was only flirting,” the vice principal sputtered.
“THAT IS NOT FLIRTING!” Karen’s temper broke. “That is ABUSE, and you are teaching that kid that tormenting someone is okay!” She held her hand out for Rachel, “You will be hearing from our lawyer.”
When she and the child were outside, Rachel ran to hug the dragon.
“Thanks, grandma!”
Fun facts with Wishbone
Eternal Scout from Welcome to Night Vale. (The photos is in my home, but I am wearing the same outfit at work.)
Library Fellow Scholarly Communications Initiatives University of Nevada, Las Vegas University Libraries Las Vegas, Nevada
So we can all agree that Harry Potter should’ve been a professor at Hogwarts and not a magical police officer
op is merely a milkmaid with no dowry but go off i guess
This is the spoopy content you need on your dash
This is so precious I can’t even…
Everybody loves pumpkin enrichment!
These are great items because they’re fun for the herbivores to each, the carnivores to tear apart, and everybody to roll and throw around. They’re tactile, olfactory, and edible enrichment all in one!
I believe they’re acceptable on-exhibit enrichment for naturalistic facilities like Brookfield in Chicago, too.
I know this isn’t Bojack related, but recently instead of turning men down by saying “no, thank you”, I experimented with saying “I’m engaged” and flashing a ring instead. Needless to say, I am not engaged. It still worked better than just saying “no”, but then came questions like “so where is your fiancé?” and “he let you go out by yourself looking like that?” or just remaining persistent in asking for my number. So I went into my closet, and pulled out a fiancé. Now when I turn men down and they need further proof, they can know that I would rather lug around a 5 foot tall plastic skeleton to Steak n Shake and fake a proposal than give them my number.
His name is Braunschweiger Last-Name and I think I’m going to take his last name.
Update: the wedding was beautiful
The level of dedication this took is monumental and enviable and if I cared about anything this much I would be much farther in life
This is absolutely fantastic. My goodness.
40 y/o white guy: Hey kid, ever hear about Rage Against the Machine? They really told it like it is! Fuck you I won’t do what you tell me!
me: Zack de la Rocha is Mexican Tom Morello is black Brad Wilk is jewish
40 y/o white guy: blue lives matter
RATM: Some of those that work forces, are the same that burn crosses
40 y/o white guy that claims he likes RATM: blue lives matter
Was it Paul Ryan that claimed to be a RATM fan? Like, nationally? In public? On TV? And then RATM came out and shut him down?
Also I totally remembered this exchange:
The band is called Rage Against THE MACHINE Do these fuckers think that they just don’t like that one shirtless guy’s standup bit???? What do they think THE LITERAL MACHINE IN THE FUCKING NAME is?
This is by far the best piece of Star Wars literature ever made
