gertie fan club

sorry i cant hang out i forgot how to mimic human like behaviour

I mean if you wanna just loom in the corner like some kinda creature that's cool, we just don't want you getting left out

They don’t make rom com co stars like this anymore

Ugh, was having a great time mocking my recently imprisoned rival when I noticed the camera positioning makes it so that I appear behind the bars, thus framing me as trapped in a metaphorical prison of the narrative, now my whole day is ruined. Fuck.

I get it, man. The other day, I survived a shootout, only to realize that a stray bullet went through a mirror in such a way as to look from the camera's perspective like I got shot in the head through the mirror, so now I have to acknowledge that something that could be reasonably referred to as "me" really did die that day, and it's just like "jfc, gimme a BREAK"

ugh dont even get me started on how the other day i tried to sit on the throne of my conquered foe and light a cigar to celebrate my victory but the lighter wouldnt work and it had to be lighted by the vizier who used to work for my enemy but that i enlisted to work as a double agent and help me in my coup. that jerk afterwards said with a devilish smile "ill always be at your service my liege" and i just KNOW that he said that exact same thing to the previous ruler. signifying that my victory was phyrric since i am still caught in an endless cycle of violence and betrayal. that really spoiled the whole mood

4:35 Blaze it sorry traffic was crazy

oh we missed the ten year anniversary of the worst post i’ve ever made

traffic again?

“there is no moral. the wolf eats you one day and until it does, the forest is beautiful.”

I think of this twitter interaction at least 6 times a day. do you remember how we used to run?

Hate it when the squishmallow try to tell me the squishie’s name like no way in hell is this shrimp named Monica what the fuck are you talking about. But when beanie babies does it its ok because yeah that monkey’s name is bongo. Thats right.

If Pikachu were real, it would not be a very pleasant animal. An enormous mouse that shocks you like an electric eel. I would run from these beasts

Seeing drag queens in real life gives me the exact same feeling as how the hobbits describe elves in the lord of the rings

I don't know how to describe to you if you've never been to a drag show but like seeing recordings of them is one thing & seeing them in real life is Another. Like pov you're looking up at the tallest most enchantingly beautiful ambiguously sexed person you've ever seen. She's like covered in glitter and you can smell her perfume. And you're in a room with like several of them & you begin to understand how Frodo felt in that castle

Oh to be a hobbit (short cis woman) surrounded by beautiful elves (drag queens) towering over me (in heels) at lothlorien (museum garden party).

NO mom it’s NOT a phase *spurs clank as i stomp up the stairs*

Gay asf to be a dentist. Why you wanna drill another man??? Why you wanna make him scream? Why you wanna put your hands in his mouth? Anyway I’m here to shoot you because you’re mistreating your girlfriend who Im in love with and I need fresh human blood to feed my gaint talking plant from outer space

hey boss i can't come in today it's a sunny day and there's a lovely breeze coming in through my window, yeah it's rustling the branches of the tree outside that's finally bloomed so it's pretty serious

ive gotten so much mileage out of this tweet. every time i see something on the internet that makes me mad i just think to myself "people in real life: hey man how's it going" and i keep it pushing

@bonos-grindcore-sideproject This is so good

Look, we joke a lot, but really, "you were born evil, wretched, worse than the scum of the earth, and it took killing a god to make you salvageable, so now you'd better be grateful to that god and thank him 10,000 times a day for it and fill your thoughts with him 24/7 and abide by the letter of his every word, lest you suffer unimaginable torture for all of eternity" is a truly horrendous thing to believe about yourself and other people

English added by me :)

ur so right though