so i like this guy in my school.

crush lang naman talaga nung una. i dont have any intention na jowain to or kung ano. nagpapapansin lang, kinakausap sya because thats what we do to our crushes diba????? tamang banat, tamang harot, pero tamang chour din. puro chour nga ako tuwing babanat ako para di niya malaman na crush ko sya. na im talking to him cause he became my friend. plan failed. yung mga banat ko at palambing, nawawala na yung chour. then i got drunk and told him that i hav a huge crush on him. he kept laughing lang in my state that time, and told me that im just drunk. kalola siz. that was also the time we went on to serious talking, about his ex mu. nagkwento sya kung ganon kasakit ginawa sa kanya and such. then as a FRIEND, i comforted him even if i was drunk that time, my head fucking hurt like hell.

sa una palang si guy masarap na kausap. nakikisabay sa kabaliwan ko, nakikisabay sa mga trip ko, plus we both like roc kaya may topic talaga kami malimit. nagsesend ng voice message, and siz, HE REALLY SOUND LIKE ROC kaya lalo ko naging crush. hindi sya sumasakay sa mga banat ko nung una, tatawa lang sya or di niya papansinin. then nagsimula na yung ultra kilig ko when he started na bumanat padin. i was like gago ka pakasalan kita dyan eh. hahahahahahahhahaa. but then nalaman ko na naguusap pa pala si ng exmu nya. i was so shookt. aaminin ko. medyo umasa ako bc he started being sweet na. then one day, nagkwento sya, na nagusap na sila na wala na daw talaga yung kanila. shookt again.

and nagsimula nung sabi nya sasabay sya samin maglunch. i was like sige lang okay lang. yes marupok. pero sasabay lang naman, walang issue. yun nasa utak ko. "anong masama kung magsabay, kakain lang naman" gago then he started being sweet again (di sobrang sweet, neutral lang). bumabanat na kahit di ako bumabanat, he started caring. at si ate mo gurl na marupok, bumibigay ata. nasundan yung lunch na yon the next week (we only had weds na same sched) and ewan ko tamang usap lang ulit while im reviewing.

things change between us. i started na magform ng feelings towards him. and he did too. nagbibigay na sya ng motibo, nagpapakita na ng galawan and such. i like the guy okay but im scared and confused. i have a lot of what ifs. i have a lot of fears— commitment, past, expectations, my parents, my friend.

so kahit ngayong sinabi nya sakin na he will wait, im so scared of what will be the outcome.

i am now afraid of commitment. siz crush lang naman to dati anong nangyari ngayon bat napunta na sa like, bat napunta na sa waiting, bat napunta sa jowable na ako. chour. srsly, i didnt expect na magiging serious to. akala ko joke time. gaga ako. mali ako kasi hinarot ko. bat kasi ang rupok rupok ko. haha. natatakot tuloy ako kung ano sasabihin nya kapag nalaman nyang ako yung nangiiwan palagi. na madali akong manawa. na madali akong doubt bc of my trust issues. na madali akong mag let go. now im afraid to commit bc of those things, i hate it ofc pero kapag nararamdaman ko na yon, i hav so self control. and i dont want that to happen between us. im so scared to hurt another guy again. and the expectations of being in a relationship became toxic to me. thats why ayoko ding sumugal muna kung ako mismo di sigurado sa sarili ko.

my parents were the most important ppl im my life, and i dont wanna disappoint them more. gago babagsak na nga tapos lumalandi pa. sinong gago yon??? ako

and my friend, a very close friend of mine, and to him also. crush na crush sya ng friend ko noon pa man, sa amin pa sya nagsshare at nagsasabi about him. one of the reason kung bakit ayoko sumugal. natatakot ako na lumabas na betrayal ginawa ko, which ganon naman talaga kinalabasan. haha. naguguilty ako and ang tanga ko kasi di ko agad naisip yon.

i like this guy but i dont wanna hurt ppl and him, just for my happiness. i dont wanna be selfish again.

the guy that I've been talking about here is the same guy that i am currently in love with right now. we broke up, distanced for 2 years, and now, i cant imagine my life without him anymore. im fuckingin love with him right now it hurts

i feel like people don't realize that there's no such thing as having "too many labels" because we all actually have roughly the same amount of labels. if you're not autistic, you're allistic. if you're not neurodivergent, you're neurotypical. if you're not queer, you're cishet. if you're not asexual, you're allosexual. if you're not aromantic, you're alloromantic. if you're not trans, you're cis. if you're not intersex, you're perisex. if you're not disabled, you're abled. an autistic, adhd biromantic asexual polyamorous non-binary person has the same amount of labels as an allistic, neurotypical hetero allo monogamous cis person. so if you ever think that you have too many labels, just remember, everyone else has about the same amount as you, so don’t feel bad about picking up a few more for yourself.

They think we have too much labels because they have the privilege to not have to specify theirs.

no offense but your struggle is valid no matter how many people have it worse than you