@free-batch-lover / free-batch-lover.tumblr.com
im laughing so hard because no matter what song you listen to
spiderman dances to the beat
no matter what song ive been testing it and lauing my ass off for an hour
hey guys do you want to circulate the heirloom dancing spiderman again i feel like we could stand to do that
big grumpass cat
Some computer related jobs will periodically send you emails posing as phishing scams and if you open it you automatically have to take a web safety training seminar and I just think they should do that for tumblr except with reading comprehension
wanting to talk to people is so fucking embarrassing. literally hi it's me again I wanted to have a conversation with you because I think you're fun to talk to. oh god you can just fucking kill me if you want sorry
I just don’t get it. How can our society act so goddamned normal about seahorses. How can anybody so casually accept that that’s a fish???
This is one of nature’s most anatomically perverse of all beasts. A FISH, like a carp or a bass or a beta is a fish, but it bent its body straight up only to bend its head permanently back down. It stretched its skull into a pipe. It tapered its tail like a lizard, specifically like a chameleon. It can also move its eyes independently by the way, you know, like a chameleon. Fun fact, it can change color to express its mood, like you know whatever does that. It doesn’t properly swim anymore. It buzzes its few remaining fins like an insect’s wings to float itself around at a snail’s pace. It lives its whole life clinging to coral branches or seaweed, which means it decided to become a “tree dweller” in an environment where gravity didn’t even matter anyway. The males get pregnant. They make noises at each other by rubbing some of their neck bones together. Every day, EVERY DAY a mated pair does a little dance and a little neck bone song so they remember which two seahorses they were. They’re a beautiful precious obscenity. Nothing so adorable ever made such a strong case against a logical creator.
They have as little skin and meat as they could get away with. Their skeleton is almost all they are.
This thing is one of the most successful hunters on the planet. Because their mouth is fused shut, except for the tip, they can create a powerful suction force in front of that one little opening in order to draw in prey.
Lions have a 20-30% success rate on their hunts, depending on daytime and if they’re in a group. Great white sharks, anywhere from 40% to 80%, depending on the size and skill of the individual. Dragonflies, which are one of the most successful terrestrial hunters, can hit about 80-85%. Seahorses? 90% success rate, sometimes more. Only a fraction of their prey escapes that powerful vacuum. They’re incredibly precise.
If you touch them, they feel hard, because of the skeleton underneath their skin. Their tails are being studied to make coiling bridges, because of how strong that interlocked structure is. Different species range in size from over a foot long, to barely an inch.
Behold: not just a fish, but a wildly successful predator!
horsey
don’t forget their majestic cousins the sea dragons! these are the leafy and weedy sea dragons
and the newest seahorse family member, discovered in 2015, the ruby sea dragon ❤️
Yeah that’s when someone tried to straighten the seahorse back out and it still didn’t look right. The more they bent and mushed it in their hands to look like a fish again the worse they fucked it up until finally they just left it and walked off and hoped nobody would ask who did this
(I love them so much)
and don’t forget they’re cousins to the tunas!
Just letting you know that a friend of mine made a freaking ISOPOD bag from leather!!
Name: Zod
Gender: Pod
I can’t find it on tumblr and IT CHRISMAS GOD DAMMIT.
MERR CHRISMAS.
A holiday tradition.
You should tell people how important they are to you. Not because they could leave at any moment, but because they’re here now, and it’s worth saying something.
The holidays can be stressful
Worth it.
I’m sorry I might sound like a madwoman for going on a rant about this but man, it’s… I don’t know how to express it but just the thought of some person, 120 years ago, taking a photo of their cat, which back then wasn’t easy - they didn’t have phones with cameras, each photo required a lot of time and dedication, so not only the person “wasted” a whole photo on their cat, they also did their fricking best to save this photo and carefully put it into an envelope to preserve it so that people in the future will know that there was this cat and it looked like this and it’s owner thought the cat looked lovely that day so much that they decided to take a photo of it and then they loved the photo so much that they went out of their way to preserve it for future generations like “hello people from the future! this is what my cat loos like!” because they loved their cat so much they wanted people from the future to know about it is… crazy to me… and here we are, 120 years later, long after the cat and it’s owners passed away, looking at an old photo of a cat and gushing about it. The cat died so long ago and wouldn’t even know it existed if not for the owner that loved their cat so much that they decided this photo was worth preserving and put it into a time capsule. and seeing now how people dedicate whole blogs to their cats and take countless pictures of them just to show to other people really hits because you realize that in the end, people from today aren’t that much different from people that were 120 years ago. We all just love our cats and want people to look at them.
I bet this woman was imagining the photo may be seen by like… a family some day. But no. It survived till the age of the internet. It has now transcended the original media. It is now being seen by far more eyes in far more places than the media she chose would normally allow. I hope the taker of this 120 year old photo is PROUD.
The sheer amount of abandoned theme parks in the Gotham metropolitan region raises so many questions about that fictional world that I fear will never be answered
What kind of economic push and pull led to the building and collapse of these parks? Why have they not been taken down, despite constantly housing whatever saw trap of the week the Joker's constructed? Does anyone know they exist? Is there a defunctland style youtube channel about these parks? Can I watch those videos? Please? I'm begging?
Does the Gotham defunctland guy sigh and fade to black at a point in each of his videos before he has to talk about how the Joker turned yet another tea cup ride into a torture device? Is the Joker the Michael Eisner of this channel??
BEAUTIFUL
“And once again, after The Batman stopped The Joker, Wayne Enterprises purchased the land. Now, a suspicious person might hire a data analyst to track all of Wayne Enterprise’s land purchases over the last twenty years and run a correlation with The Batman’s actions”
CHAPTER 7: I HIRE A DATA ANALYST TO TRACK ALL OF WAYNE ENTERPRISES’ LAND PURCHASES OVER THE LAST 20 YEARS AND RUN A CORRELATION WITH THE BATMAN’S ACTIONS
GET A CEASE AND DESIST FROM WAYNE ENTERPRISES,
Every few months twitterinas bring back the “carnivores are a problematic element of nature and we should feed them synthetic meat and make it so they don’t eat herbivores. this is completely normal, feasible and won’t have any kind of repercussion on the ecosystem” discourse
First time I saw that was a guy who had as proposition to create fake prey animals with a robotic exoskeleton and covered in synthetic meat that predators would hunt, eat and then the exoskeleton would get up and go to the lab to get re meated. That was funny as hell
Tiger watching skinless carcass it just ate get up and walk away
Actually we should totally do this but not for like ideological veganism reasons just cuz itd be funny as like an animal social experiment.
doing this with real meat so there's not even a hypothetical animal rights angle, just completely unwarranted and unmitigated freak behavior
one of my favorite books as a kid was this one on speculative zoology/evolution that I loved so much I borrowed it to the point my school had to chase me up on returning it several times. it influenced my early creature art and design and pushed me to delve into my own specbio (on dragons. no surprises there). I loved the informatic entries, all their little lore bits and ecological adaptations; the wild color palettes, their weird little shapes. it was called The New Dinosaurs, by Dougal Dixon.
there were two more books in the series that my school didn’t have, which is either a blessing or a curse, because the third book in the set is called Man After Man.
which contains this.
#I feel like we're all conditioned to give these corporatized apologies or statements for every interaction#because when you talk like a regular fucking person online it's much more easily misinterpreted by people who just want to be pissed off#you know the Tweet that's like “I like pancakes” “so you hate waffles?” “no bitch that's a whole new sentence what are you talking about”#corporate apologies and statements read the way they do because they're intentionally structured to prevent ambiguity or misunderstanding#while also conveying a certain tone that will hopefully prevent people from getting mad while they read it#and when we have to buffer everything we say with conditional statements to prevent some rando from ripping us apart over a perceived slight#everything we say starts to sound sanitized and corporate (x)
Reeducating myself on how to say “You are willfully misinterpreting me so this conversation is over.”
Recently watched a youtube video about tips for trying to buy sustainable and high quality textiles and the narrator started with several minutes of "I am not shaming anyone for having to buy fast fashion, no ethical consumption under capitalism etc., these are just some tips for if you have the means and desire to source these sorts of fabrics, I know being able to buy sustainable things is a privilege --" and the fact that that disclaimer is necessary, that we live in a culture so ready to read anything in bad faith that providing tips for something is assumed to be shaming people for doing anything else unless you do the "you're valid too! <3" speech at the start, made me want to eat my own face.
adhd tip you can replace a “meal” with up to 3 hours of “the app” but watch out
okay done 👍 why am i hurts
Because of this post whenever I notice I’m mindlessly scrollling through social media instead of important things like eating I think the words “The App” repeatedly untill I close it
