roManCE? aCHileelleS anD PaTrCOlUS ArE GAy?? NOoo AlWayS HeTeRO AnCIEnT GREeks VErY StRAIghT iLIAd HAs No GAy

I’m sorry but didn’t Plato once write an analysis on why Achilles was the bottom in the relationship?

Didn’t the Greek city of Thebes have an elite band entirely comprised of same-sex couples?

Didn’t Spartan men casually sleep together so much that new brides were encouraged to cut their hair in order to ease soldiers into heterosexuality?

Didn’t the Diogenes of Sinope, one of the founder of Cynicism, accuse Alexander the Great of being “ruled by Hephaestion’s thighs”?

Didn’t Aristotle describe Alexander and Hephaestion’s relationship as “two souls in one body”?

NOPE N O T H I N G BUT H  E  T  E   R O  S IN GREECE.

This isn’t even up for debate tho Greece LITTERALY has a patron god of homosexuality

and let’s not forget Priapus (he’s not gay i just really wanted to mention him)

Does it mean nothing to you, the unblemished thighs I worshipped and the showers of kisses you had from me? - Achilles as he mourns the death of Patroclus in Myrmidons, the lost trilogy by Aeschylus (tr. Tom Stoppard)

Pretty hard to read a ‘no homo’ slant into that, really. Just two bros, kissing and admiring each other’s thighs. Y’know. Guy stuff.

I ahhhh might need to read some of Plato’s work…. for research purposes of course

Isn’t this Riordan’s review? 99% sure it is. And when I first saw it I was p sure he meant twist bc she made it a love story during wartime instead of war story with romance.

Yo, people don’t seem to realize history and nature are a lot gayer than they believe.  There are over ~150 BIRD species that have decent rates of homosexuality, ~225 mammals, and several dozen species of fish.  These guys don’t just have it happen but it happens enough to be a common thing.

In past history Greek nobility frequently had same-sex concubines both as status symbols and for their own pleasure.  Spartan warriors believed that having sexual relations with young men (possibly pedophilic? Idk what their age of consent was) would give them strength and energy in combat and so would frequently do that before heading off to battle.  Ancient Roman solider believed in something similar as well.

Then in Europe when homosexuality and adultery were illegal noble women frequently sought out other women for pleasure because sex was defined by phallic penetration so they could often go months or years without being discovered.

And this is all just within the past 1000 years or less.  I’ve heard of it happening fairly frequently as far back as early Egyptian history.

So if “The Devil Went Down to Georgia” is be believed, you can fiddle duel the devil for your soul. My question is, does it only work with fiddles, or any contest? Saxophone duel? Guitar shred-off? Can you challenge the devil to a rap battle when he comes for you?

Even though I play piano I want to see someone fight for their soul with the tuba.

The Devil went back to Georgia and his thoughts were dark and cold That Johnny kid had screwed him and he still needed a soul. When he came across this young man blowin’ on a tuba and playin’ hits And the devil took one look and said “You know what? Fuck this shit.”

“Kid, I know you won’t believe this, but I play the tuba too “And if you wanna wager, well I’ve got a deal for you “If I’m the better tubist, then I get to take your soul “If you’re the best, you get this horn here, made from solid gold.”

The boy replied, “My name is Hans, and though it may be wrong, “Your bet’s pretty intriguing, so I guess I’ll play along”

Hans, clean out your spit valves, and get ready for a show, Two tubas feudin’ face to face; pick up your horn and blow. ‘Cause if you win, you get a brand new tuba made of gold, And if you lose the Devil gets your soul!

(Oompah music intensifies)

The Devil opened up his case and said, “I’ll start, I guess.” And fire puffed out from the bell as on the valves he pressed He raised the mouthpiece to his lips, it made a wicked BLART And a band of lederhosen demons joined in with him to start

(Roll Out the Barrel plays with extended tuba solo)

Hans looked the Devil in the eye, once he finished his piece, Said “That’s okay, old man, but just you get a load of this!”

(http://youtu.be/zmFYgc-Emmc and skip to 2:20)

The Devil bowed his head, because he knew he can’t compete. He dragged that heavy tuba down; it crashed by Hans’s feet. He turned away from Hans and as he retreated he said, “Forget this crap. I’m gonna try telemarketing instead.”

(Tuba outro)

@hamstergal you are amazing and owe me 1 clean monitor.

:(((

Fiddles are historically associated with the devil not through any Christian imagery, but because older European folk tradition held that several uber powerful water demons, known as nock, nikyr, necks, etc, were insanely good fiddle players.

In Norway, for example, the violin known as the Hardanger fiddle was played initially by the creepy otherwordly beings, like the hulderfolk, the trolls, as well as the nock. There are equivalents in other European cultures.

These beings were known as preternaturally skilled fiddle players, the nocks above all others. So some people would make a deal to learn the fiddle from the nock, or have their children trained. The only problem being nocks usually needed life or blood sacrifices to learn their skills.

So as Christianity was introduced, the water demon nock was conflated with the devil. Because other stories of nykyrs, nocks, etc were generally sacrificing a human to appease treacherous tides, which was the pinnacle of terror.

The devil knows the fiddle, because the ancient tradition is that if you can win your freedom from the nocks, they will honor this pact. 

this post is the perfect mix of creativity, historical facts, and folklore/mythology, and above all shitposting.

This right here is the kind of content I want on my dash.

I’m pretty sure this is the ~exact~ situation that flyting was invented for.

@thebookwisher Idk why but this seems like you would love it. XD

The person I reblogged this from deserves to be happy

what a headache

The fact the developers actually added the sound-effect for that…

I laughed way to hard at this

I’m watching this again and like Why don’t you tilt ur head out of the way doofus Like doesn’t that hurt

Look I DON’T CARE if I won’t haVE TIme FoR reading I WILL BRING MY BOOK ANYWAY cause having a book with you when you go somewhere is such a good feeling, OKAY?

clingy and annoying doesn’t bother me when it’s from the right person

yes yes 100 times yes I literally do not give a fuck if my boyfriend sends me a picture of a car he likes at 3am even if I don’t like fucking cars his first thought was I know I'ma send that to my fucking girlfriend like yes fucking yes I love that shit

need to buy ants in bulk looking to buy big healthy ants for my ant pit please reblog with your best offer I need these ants very fast

i have 58 tons of ants sitting in cargo containers by the docks. great big ones please i need to sell these ants. offering very cheap prices.

My budget is $50000 I am willing to allocate 75% of this to ant allocation the rest is for large shovels how much ants will this buy me

for you i have a special deal. i sell you 35 tons of ants and i’ll even throw in a crate of rats, no charge.

fool… the rats will… simply eat the ants… it is a fools bargain i won’t accept these ants. what kind of fool do you take me for? the deal is off

you idiot. you fucking ingrate. the rats are kept seperate from the ants. if you’re going to slander my humble ant business i believe you are not worthy of purchasing from me. good day sir.

please reconsider. i spoke with haste these rats are fine, maybe honorable, I have been scammed by these men who claim the rats are supplementary to the ants, but I’ve never seen such things. Rats have too much pride. The ant is humble and is less easily upset than a rat. the rats will act as a deterrent, to keep intruders from crushing the precious ants

i will allow this, but only once. expect the ants at your domicile by the morning and do not disrespect my honest work ever again.

I love the moment when the cat realizes he actually hates spinach.

@thebookwisher

‘What kind of overalls does Mario wear?’

Yep, I laughed out loud

I love the “oh no” like he fucking knows he’s going to hear a shitty ass joke

have i told you guys about the time that i classically conditioned my kindergarten class

I got like 4 anons asking about this so I guess I didn’t:

     omg. okay, so basically, I was a “gifted kid” which was code for fucken nerd ass bitch, so i would constantly just stare off into space during class while everyone else was tryna figure out what the fuck our teacher was tryna say. Anyway, I was learning about chemistry and biology outside of school(i know what a fucking nerd amirite ladies), and my dad got me a book that talked about all these famous psychological experiments.

    So chapter one was, would you have guessed it, Pavlov’s dog. I thought it my be fun to try something to that extent with my classmates. Now, keep in mind, being a nerdy ass brown kid in a school full of white ppl meant that I wasn’t exactly popular, and no one really talked to me in class or cared what I was doing.

   Everyday, at 9:45 am, our teacher would announce that it was snacktime, and everyone would fucking sprint to their cubbies to grab their lunchboxes like it was the goddamn hunger games. Kindergarten kids didn’t really have a concept of time, so i used this to my advantage. At 9:45 as my teacher would walk up to announce snacktime, I would knock on my desk really quickly three times. It was rly subtle, and I wasn’t sure that it would work.

   So after two or three weeks, I decided to have some fun. Thirty minutes after school began at like 8:30 or something, I tapped knocked on the desk. Half the class turned their heads and looked straight at the cubbies. 3 boys got up and were about to run to get their lunchbox. One girls stomach started growling REALLY loudly. The teacher had to take 5 minutes to get everyone to calm down and one kid started crying because he thought it was snacktime and he was so shocked and destroyed.

   Realizing that I had basically dog trained the whole class, I burst out laughing so hard I fell out of my chair and cut my head on the tile floor and got sent home early because I was laughing so hard they thought I had a concussion or something. When I explained what happened to my dad he left the room, but I could hear him losing it in the hallway. 

   So everytime now that I learn about classical conditioning in my Neuroscience classes, I have to fight to keep a straight face

I hate hate HATE all those 2edgy 4me theories about kids shows. Like Angelica dreaming up the rugrats, or the ed, edd, and eddy children being ghosts, or literally anything that takes a lighthearted and fun kids show and has to turn it into some tragic take of rape or murder or misinformed mental illness. So you know what? From now on I’m gonna do the exact opposite. Every cool grim-dark show is now because of a bunch of children. To get us started: Game of Thrones: A middle-school DnD campaign with the most angry, vindictive DM who has promised to kill everyone’s player characters (and their family) by the end.

Batman: A moody teenager writes revenge fantasies into their diary after their bag went missing for an hour. Most of the bad guys are personifications of his teachers classmates (Joker is the class clown who they suspect stole the bag as a joke, Riddler is the math teacher etc.) and his stories swing from super grimdark to light and goofy based on his mood for that day. 

Puella Magi Madoka Magica: a very morbid five year old tells her alarmed and slightly horrified father a story using sailor moon figurines and a very irritable cat as her actors

Attack On Titan: Giant naked man-babies mistake all of humanity for chew toys. 

his garden is going 2 be lovely

When your bro who is always high gets possessed, but the demon isn’t powerful enough to phase him.

————————-

“two bagels” OMG LOL 

[Caption]

Guy: “Hey bro, what d’you want to eat?”

Demon voice: “The souls of the innocent!”

High friend: “A bagel.”

Demon voice: “NO!”

High friend: “…two bagels.”