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I watch as you put him on a pedestal but not just any pedestal, one that you built on your hands and knees all by yourself. I don't know how you do it because I am not a construction worker so I don't understand, but somehow you build it anyway & when you put him on top and try to get up there with him he kicks you off because he won this game he plays and only him &I try to catch you as you fall, but I can't & you are broken on the ground, but you don't give him a penalty. You get back up and build him a higher and wider pedestal hoping he will let you stand with him , but he doesn't. & my heart breaks everytime I have to pick you up off the floor. Please stop making my heart break and build a pedestal for yourself.

for someone I love

#love #friend #dear #heart #sad #break #you #him

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There's a fine line between fighting for someone and beating yourself up for someone.

#love #heart #heartbreak #someone #fighting #fine #line #poem #thoughts #spilled #ink #spilled-ink-

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Gravity is 9.8 m/s^2. You are 6 feet and 1 inch tall. Although those are not the same measurement, you keep me grounded, just like gravity. You keep me from flying up off the surface of the earth & I thought that was a good thing because I don’t deserve to fly, but now I think I want to because I realize that you are not only pulling me down, but keeping me down and holding me back. & I didn’t see that until you pulled me down all the way into the earth’s core. I was burning & charring & you liked it like that because I was held so far down that I never thought I could amount to anything above the surface. Now I know I’m better off without you but I still need you because you are my gravity & I hate that & I hate science because I want to fly again as if there was no you and no gravity to hold me down.

#poem #spilled ink #thoughts #earth #boy #love #fly #gravity

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Funny how the one person that can make you feel as though you are flying is the one person that can make you feel as though you will never fly again.

#spilled thoughts #spilled ink

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I think one of the worst feelings is when you are so excited for something & it’s all you can think about & then when you tell someone about it they just dismiss it like its an annoying smell in their clean air.

#spilled ink #spilled thoughts #sad #feelings #worst #excited #people

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I was always told not to light candles because I could get burned. I was also told not to talk to strangers, but that’s how I met you. I guess I liked you because you were my forbidden candle that lit up my walks & Sunday mornings & 3am’s & every other lonely hour & you were warm & smelled like autumn. But since you left I’m lighting cigarettes instead & everything is cold & I hate the smell of autumn because I miss you & I miss the fire we shared. Now I wish I had listened better as a kid because being burned by fire would be less painful than the way you left.

#poem #heartbreak #cigarettes #candles #love #poetry #spilled ink

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#poem #candle #pretty #picture #fire #light #soul #lonely #heartbreak #sad #forever

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Eventually I can forgive, but I will never forget because to forget is to set myself up for the same heart-wrenching betrayal I set myself up for before

And I don’t know if I can handle that again.

#poem #spilled thoughts #spilled ink #betrayal #forgiveness #forget #heart

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i. My trust was destroyed before I even knew how to trust. ii. But I continued to trust anyway and you were my best friend and you were in my second grade class and as soon as you met a different girl with more dolls you left me to play with her and that was a rude awakening that people are mean. iii. I met new friends and I broke boundaries to hard and too fast like rushing water and I guess you were a dam that wasn't ready to hold me and you let me flow through and evaporate along with all of my confidence and then I was lonely. iv. v. & vi. You did the same thing. vii. I was starting to feel like everything was my fault but then you changed that and you taught me how to speak without apologizing and reach for someone without shaky hands. You taught me how to feel loved and I was in love with that but history repeats itself and I was too much for you and you left me just like the other six. viii. It took me a while to open up but once I did everything was okay until you tried to touch me and I was so scared because of the one before you and I pushed you away and you didn't chase me back and I guess this was my fault but I still expected you to reach out to me and you didn't. viiii. You are the best thing that has ever happened to me and for the first time I am trusting you with my life and if you drop that trust you basically are dropping me and at this point I am made of glass so I know I will break so please please, hold on tight.

-reasons I have trust issues

#poem #counting #trust #trust issues #reasons #prose

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You made me feel like the way my insides felt after a few shots of vodka, warm and tingly and like a fire danced inside of me But I forgot that vodka comes in a bottle and the bottle breaks under pressure And when I tried to keep taking shots of you after you were empty of tingly love for me It was like swallowing glass that scratched my throat and left me choking Why Why did you leave me choking on the shards of glass that used to be love But the saddest part is I would prefer the pain of swallowing glass to the pain of losing you.

#poem #heartbreak #vodka #glass #shots #spilled thoughts #broken heart #poetry