i find this place confusing

The /gardening subreddit is actually full of hippie anti-plastic anti-lawn freaks (affectionate) and I find it enjoyable and I saw a nine-word horror story I thought tumblr would enjoy

The emotion in this photo

IF YOU NEED TO GET RID OF MINT, USE OTHER PLANTS IN THE MINT FAMILY!!!

Related plants like lavender, sage, and thyme are immune to mint’s phytotoxins and will crowd out the mint. Rosemary is my favorite mint-killer since it grows fast and wide (regular pruning helps it cover more area).

These plants are perennials, but they are likely to die after a season since mint can harbor root rot that will affect other Lamiaceae but not mint (or plants outside the family). Leave the plant waste to provide soil cover, the mint rhizomes may still be dormant (but will die out soon). The spring after your mint-killers die, you should get some colonizing vegetation. Once those plants fully take root, you’re good to plant whatever your heart desires in the soil!

IF YOU NEED TO GET

RID OF MINT, USE OTHER PLANTS

IN THE MINT FAMILY!!!

Beep boop! I look for accidental haiku posts. Sometimes I mess up.

I once read a bit of ancient Roman folklore that thyme (I think, it might have been rosemary) is so tough and contrarian that if you want it to flourish, instead of talking sweet to it, you hurl curses at it.

we've been living in this apartment for two months now, and while we've observed most of our new neighbours (my slavic Windowsill Watcher Grandmother gene already activated), I don't think they had the chance to see us often enough to recognise us yet.

I do know, however, from my observations, that the tiny funny dog upstairs is called Gucio. I've passed him once or twice during his walk and heard his owners use the name - and, while both the dog and his owners are oblivious to our existence, Gucio became an apt topic of discussion in our house. you know, we hear barking, ha, that's Gucio, he must be home alone again! or there's a stick left by the building door, that must have been brought by Gucio and he was forced to abandon it before entering! a household name, really.

yesterday as I was leaving to go to the store, walking down the narrow staircase, there he is! tiny funny looking dog, slightly startled by me suddenly appearing on the floor he just reached on his tiny funny looking legs.

"good morning Gucio!" I say joyfully, the most natural thing in the world.

well. remember that Gucio doesn't really know me. so he looks at me in the most flabbergasted way a dog can look at a person. he is positively aghast. agog! not sure how aware dogs are of their own names but he seemed genuinely puzzled at the apparent stretch of social convention.

and as I try to contain my laughter, I see his owner standing on the stairs below. the woman is sort of awkwardly frozen, speechless, and she looks at me.

"you... know each other?" she asks.

is that not the funniest way to phrase it. is this not the funniest question she could have asked. ma'am do you know my dog? you went to school together perhaps? you've met? do tell, are you old friends? maybe you worked together? you know each other, my dog and you? this dog? you know him? he knows you? he never mentioned you I'm afraid

i'm like a stray dog in a lot of ways but i will not elaborate on that

We need a counter to “Heartbreaking: the worst person you know just made a good point” that is “Heartbreaking: your favorite person in the world just said the stupidest shit you’ve ever heard.”

Never has more raw cunt been spilled on the floor its fucking everywhere

when people say mother it's this

when people say cunty its this

when people say served its this

when people say wig its this

when people say gay rights its this

i am not immune to heart shaped objects

i am not immune to star shaped objects

In the early 1930s, scholarly studies were done on the impact of screen stars on teenagers, because of fears that the movies were sexualizing them. These studies found that teenage girls learned sex techniques through watching Garbo’s sex scenes, especially those in Flesh and the Devil; they then practiced her techniques at home with their girlfriends. Raymond Daum described Garbo’s many young female fans as having “schoolgirl crushes on her” that “defined a national idolatry.” And knowledge of Garbo’s non-heteronormative sexuality was spread through lesbian networks “from coast to coast.” Moreover, the 1920s was an era of commercial expansion in which the ranks of saleswomen and typists, careers dominated by young women, increased. These women made enough money to see a movie more than once. They identified with female stars and liked to see them in powerful roles. Greta Garbo in Flesh and the Devil (1926)

Person who really wants to be dominated by a strong-armed authoritarian in a snappy uniform, but also they want to keep their kinks ideologically pure, so they split the difference and fantasise about getting their ass beat by the inspector-general of the US Postal Service.

one time I was lucid dreaming and I asked the Jennifer Coolidge figure in my dream how do i tell if something in a dream is real or not and she said. It’s only real if they charge your card. best answer ever

MOST BASS ARE JUST FISH BUT LEROY BROWN WAS SOMETHING SPECIAL

Leroy Brown has been haunting me, so I looked into his backstory and it's wilder than you could possibly imagine.

Leroy Brown was about one pound when he was caught in 1973 in Lake Eufala, Alabama, by Tom Mann, who is absolutely legendary in the world of bass fishing. Instead of releasing or taking him home to eat, Mann decided he recognized a spark of something special in the fish, so he took him home and popped him in his backyard pond. Later, he moved the fish to a giant aquarium in his workshop. He was an aggressive fish, so he got named after the song. And Mann loved this fish. He trained him to jump through a hoop, he hand-fed him, he would talk about him to anybody. The fish became internationally known, with publicity in Russia, South Africa, Australia, and other countries.

Then, in 1980, the fish dies- probably of old age. So what to do? Have a funeral. Various sources say between 500 and 1,200 people came (there was a very large bass fishing tournament that weekend), and the local marching band was there to play "Bad, Bad Leroy Brown" as the fish's tiny casket was lowered into his grave.

But then things got really wild. On the day of the funeral, it was eventually decided that the ground was too wet and muddy, so Mann put the fish and his casket (actually a satin-lined tackle box full of one dead fish and the lure he was caught with) in the freezer.

That night, somebody stole the dead fish and his tiny casket.

Seriously. This was not a taxidermy fish, this was just. Y'know. A dead fish, with all of the smells that entails.

Three weeks later, the tackle box turns up at the Tulsa, Oklahoma airport. A baggage handler found it, and it was decided that the box full of three-week-old decaying Leroy was too nasty to ship back to Alabama. The statue remained at Fish World, which is where the public could visit Leroy during his life, until 2005, when Tom Mann died and the facility was closed. (Fish World was like... a weird museum/facility to learn about bass fishing. Mann wasn't just an expert angler, he also designed some of the most popular lures that are still used in bass fishing, as well as the Humminbird depth finder- still the most popular depth finder brand on the market. So he had this workshop/lure lab there and people could come see his stuff but also learn about how to go bass fishing and how to do bass fishing as a sport.) The statue went to another bass fisherman, until the city of Eufala asked for it back in 2016. Now it sits prominently on Main Street, reminding everyone that most bass are just fish, but Leroy Brown was something special.

@ofishal-fish-posts

Ok so I've reblogged this before, but...not with the context. Which. Needs to be reblogged so.

Offishal Fish Post.

An underrated horse fact is that if you have horse that is both A. Not stupid and B. Likes you, it will actively try to prevent you from falling to your doom when you fuck up as a rider. Like actually make an effort not to drop you like a cell phone. I think horses deserve more credit for that.

My mum's favourite horse was a total bitch who hated everyone and everything except for playing polocrosse (she was a polocrosse horse). When she was on the field she'd do everything to win, including keeping a stupid rider properly seated no matter how bad at staying on they were, but the instant she was off the field all bets were off. Her favourite tricks included:

She was always very careful never to hurt anyone more than a bruise but boy did she love giving those bruises. If you were in real danger (such as being pressed between two horses and risking being trampled), she would use her own body to protect you. And then bite you. But she'd play these stupid games constantly and then as soon as she was on the field it was like 'me and my rider are best friends, we are a TEAM that will WIN THIS GAME' and was totally trustworthy until the chukka was over. (Between chukkas, she was not trustworthy. I'd keep her warm between chukkas and she'd resent me because she wanted to be out on the field playing with the other horses, not doing something silly and pointless like 'take a few minutes at a slower pace so your stupid horse heart doesn't explode'. Between chukkas was prime Step On Derin's Feet time.)

my watery friend... are you too brushed with the pattern of the dappled light...?

found goat milk and wheat ale at the store. theres no way im NOT making a white gilgamesh tonite

ok here we go. recipe/original post here:

i sent this post to my friend who is known for making Concoctions. thinking she'd just find it funny. i underestimated her hubris

so for anyone curious about the white gilgamesh experience. i hope this satiates that sick desire in your hearts

Imagine a vampire sucked your blood and they didn't even pop a boner. not even half hard. fully flaccid the entire time they sucked your blood. I'd be so humiliated.

lol i hate today’s era of absolutely zero nuance takes. a friend didn’t behave exactly as you’d wanted them to? cut them off. a guy didn’t text you back instantly bc he has his own life? he’s just giving you breadcrumbs. doing something makes you uncomfortable? don’t do it anymore. someone isn’t instantly available for you? disinterest. just absolutist statements that often don’t apply to the multilayer situations of everyday life. like. stop. literally just stop it

its so so important to follow blogs that will put a bit of softcore porn on ur dash. it is not only tasteful but also a key part of the microbiome

#mutual that is horny on main i would protect you with my life as if you were a monarch butterfly #i am planting milkweed for you #tit and ass milkweed #ily (from arborealgargoyle)