everything is sort of weird and sad and i want to sleep next to you

In my life why do I give valuable time to people who don’t care if I live or die

I think the reason everyone likes Orange is the New Black so much is because we get to see everyone’s backstory and realize that even if they seem like a bad person, they’re still human and they have struggles and passions just like everyone else.

Except Vee. Fuck you Vee.

I want a movie about a guy who runs for president and wins but then suddenly realizes that he doesn’t want to be president, so he just starts doing ridiculous things all the time trying to get impeached, but it NEVER WORKS because they always miraculously end up being the right thing to do. Like, he declares war on Canada? Next day it turns out that Canada had secret plans to nuke Washington. he bans Doritos? Turns out theyr’e the number one cause of cancer and natural disasters. He sends his vice president to jail? Turns out the VP was a terrorist in disguise. He has 100% approval rating, most popular president ever.

but what if a vampire drank the blood of someone who was anemic like would they be seriously grossed out

“what the fuck is this”

“i have anemia”

“can you take something for that you should probably take something for that this shit is nasty to drink let alone have running through your body i’m setting up a doctor’s appointment for you”

“dude really you don’t have to just leave what the fu—”

“you disgust me here take these iron supplements”

“where did you even get th—”

“shut up and take your pills and dont forget your vitamin D”

“i’m going to check up on you weekly to make sure you’re taking them”

“that’s not necessary”

“maybe we should work on a dietary plan with foods rich in iron and other things for you”

“do you get this involved with all of your meals”

VAMPIREDUDE: did u get the cookbook i orderd 4 u

ME: Oh my god, first of all stop using text speak, you told me you were 278, second how did you know where I LIVED, third yes I got it.

VAMPIREDUDE: heard onions were good 4 blood, eat lots

ME: So you can have a tasty meal? I guess you’d rather I stay away from garlic, huh.

VAMPIREDUDE: UR being v rude I just got u a present!!!

ME: THE COOKBOOK IS CALLED “HOW TO TASTE DELICIOUS,” I AM CALLING THE COPS

#sounds like the begining of a beautiful friendship #gimme this sitcom

The Sun will go down eventually!

feeling egg

oh my god

guys for real im laughing so hard rn

I think the worst part was that she was fighting with an egg

i love 13 year olds

the most ridiculous part of all this executive suite thing is that your url changes just so everyone else knows that you’ve clicked the button. the world now knows you were weak and gave in to the button. it’s out in the open. everyone knows you have a cartoon printer asking you in comic sans ms if you need help reblogging a post. don’t try to hide it. they know. there’s no escaping. all hail the button.

Literally want this SO BAD

"take your top off, i want to paint the universe on your back"

someone please do this to me

I had the sweetest, kindest, most beautiful Filipino Nanny when I was a child. She’d read me bedtime stories, teach me about her culture, give me baths and most importantly perform bitchin’ as fuck drum solos every night before tucking me in. I might not have known it at the time but that beautiful, graceful, middle-aged, Filipino woman was none other than Ringo Starr. And I think that’s beautiful.

don’t let tumblr make you believe that

-smoking is cool

-being a narcissistic bitch is acceptable

-trusting nobody is healthy

-starving yourself will make you beautiful

-hating everybody is okay

- that working hard for grades isn’t worth the time

- that having mental health condition is a perk

- that self harm should be romanticized

- that abusive and codependent relationships are cute

- that not being in a minority makes you any less of a person