Check out my ongoing comic Crow Time. It has crows, and also neat pantheons of epic beasties.

Vice

Off-kilter, a misstep and suddenly your home is foreign. One thing, a shift of the atmosphere and your heart is a separate being. Gradually and without conscious consent, I slip and then free-fall into needs bordering depravity. Addiction can be anything and my worst vice is people.

Bird in my heart, wings of silver and I once more long for the sea. I slowly dissolve under hot breath, lose sense and shape and leash. I burn at my own touch and finally words visit paper. My muse, solitary, lingers in the corners of my eyes and by the curve of my throat.

Whispers; leave, run, this land is sacred and your feet are unholy. Keep your breath and save the beat of your heart, you’ll need it. Fear the fire. I seek out subzero so I can crave heat and forget it burns.

Reminder of the day:

If you ask “am I possibly mistyped” the answer is ALWAYS yes.

All of this is vague and difficult and while I am about as confident in my typing as I can be, at least for MBTI, I think it’s necessary to have that shadow of a doubt. You can always be wrong. If that’s your question, there’s no point in asking it because my answer is yes. If your real question was “what is actually my type since I have doubts about the one I previously thought was true”, ask that.

A thoughtful person should always consider the possibility that they are wrong. You don’t have to actively think you’re wrong, but you do need to believe it’s well within the realm of possibility in order to be open to new evidence and ideas.

So this has been stuck in my head ever since I heard it three days ago.

this is the polar opposite of Everybody Knows Shits Fucked

MBTI personality types as otherworldly/supernatural creatures

ISTP: werewolf (or lycanthrope): Often referred to as children of the moon, werewolves are humans who, due to a curse or magic affliction, have obtained the ability to transform themselves into (fullform) wolves during a full moon.

ISTJ: vampire: A human-like creature with pale skin known to feast on human blood. Usually capable of taking the form of a bat. Afraid of the sunlight or sometimes of crossing over water.

ISFJ: brownie (or house elf): Household creatures that aid in tasks around the house in exchange for some milk, honey, biscuits or cream. They don’t like to be seen by humans so they work at night and spend daytime in the attic, in a warm corner or in hole in the wall.

ESTP: goblin: Mischievous and temperamental, small creatures gifted with magical powers and a greedy nature. They shall steal your jewelry and gold.

INTJ: Lilin (or succubus/incubus): Demonic, night spirits who appear in dreams taking the form of a woman or man and seduce their victims in order to engage into sexual activity with them. Repeated intercourse with a Lilin can cause serious health weakness or even death.

ESFP: poltergeist: Malevolent spirits responsible for haunting humans through physical disturbances like levitating and destroying objects, making loud noises and even harm humans. In their worst, poltergeists pinch, bite, trip or even hit humans.

ESFJ: Watcher (or Grigori): A fallen angel that according to the Books of Enoch fell for Heavens and dispatched to Earth in order to watch over humans. The offspring of a human and a Watcher is called Nephilim.

INTP: jinn (or genie): Sapient spirits with either a kind or benevolent nature. Usually invisible or in shadow form but also able to take many forms and possess human bodies. They travel ceaselessly and instantaneously from one place to another.

ENFP: fairy (or fae, fairie and fair folk): Small structured creatures that inhabit forests, lakes, mountains, rivers and springs. They fly with insect or butterfly wings or even on birds. They use magic to preserve and protect the nature and they sometimes swap human children with their own for unknown reasons.

ENTJ: dragon: Legendary, reptile creatures with many legs and strong wings. Most of them breath fire and live on the mountains, while other are rain and storm bringers.

ESTJ: Leviathan: A giant sea monster which lives in the depths of the ocean and attacks ships to feast on human flesh. Either reptile formed with horns or possesses many octopus legs (like the Kraken) or even giant crab claws.

INFJ: elf: Elves are intelligent supernatural human-shaped beings that possess great magical power, ethereal beauty and ancient wisdom. They either help, endanger or ignore humans. They inhabit forests, hills and mountains and on a misty morning or a starry night they can be seen from afar dancing in circles. Most believe that elves are immortal or live thousands of years, but one can never be sure.

INFP: ghost (or spirit, phantom and spectre): A ghost is usually a spirit of a dead person unable or unwilling to pass into the afterlife. They mostly choose to stay invisible and haunt humans and places they have been when alive. This meets the idea of the “unfinished business” of a ghost on Earth. Children are most likely to feel the presence of such spirits.

ISFP: wil-o’-the-whisp (or ignis fatus or Jack-o’-latern): It is described as an atmospheric ghost light (probably faerie related) which tricks travellers at night into following it and ending up deep into the woods, stuck in a swamp or even dead. 

ENFJ: unicorn: A legendary and rare creature with the shape of a horse and an origin of a magic land. Their most characteristic feature is a horn on the top of their head which possess the power to heal any sickness and render any poisoned liquid potable again. Even seeing a creature as such is said to be eternal luck.

ENTP: alien or extraterrestrial being: Space-originated life forms that inhabit planets other than ours. Gifted with great intelligence and a variety of other potential, are often accused of abducting human beings.

Eden Ahbez 

(via the-wolf-and-moon)

The Secret Life of Waves

Energy can never be destroyed.

Guys, I’m losing my shit. So, observe the humble tomato.

The scientific name for tomatoes is Lycopersicon esculentum, which apparently translates to “edible wolf peach”

Why? Apparently there was an old superstition that members of the nightshade  (which includes tomatoes) were used by witches to summon werewolves.

You heard me. Suddenly that spaghetti sauce doesn’t seem so innocent.

Tomato sauce with roasted garlic. The ultimate culinary move in the Werewolf vs. Vampire war.

so you know the rule in fairylands where you cant eat or drink anything or you’ll have to stay there forever? does like.. .eating out/sucking dick count

holy f uck jane

its a serious question

well like, the whole thing is that you cannot have consumed anything belonging to the fey realm. so, yes, probably, you would be stuck there. the same would apply if you just straight up ate a fairy.

new question: would deepthroating count in this case even w/o swallowing

no. temporary doesn’t count, otherwise fairies would all be running about sticking their hands in your mouth to get human servants.

you gotta digest it.

so like??? if you puke afterwards?? maybe it doesn’t count?

huh! i wonder how long is enough time for it to be legit. like whatever goes through your stomach immediately condemns you no matter if you throw it up later?

Well Persephone only ate 6 seeds so she only stayed 6 months, so maybe if you spat out most of it you’d just be condemned to the occasional day “BRB got go pay the two day toll for fellating a fairy.”

“you wanna come over for the weekend?”

“oh man im so sorry i sucked some fairy dick once and now i have to keep coming back to do it again– its a long story”

“you what now”

i can hardly believe this isn’t already the plot of an Oglaf comic

now that u said it im really surprised as well

what the fuck did i just read

Why ISN’T this an Oglaf comic yet?

I’m so happy that i’m not the only person who thinks of questions like these. I love you all so much.

I’m not convinced by this, actually!

Like, this analysis treats it as a substance problem, i.e. “edible matter from fairyland has properties that, if ingested, physically prevent you from being able to return to the real world.”

But OTOH, a recurring theme throughout fairy stories is that they’re all about…rules and exchanges and agreements with really steep interest rates:

Not to mention that in Childe Rowland, one of the central “if you eat food from fairyland you’re stuck there” stories, Rowland manages to retrieve his siblings despite them all presumably having chowed down on fairy food – all it took was beating the Fairy King in a swordfight and threatening to chop his head off.

The takeaway, I think, is that the food thing a matter of implicit exchange: if you get your grub on in fairyland, you’re accepting their hospitality and eating food that they own. This means you owe them, which the fairies can magically leverage to prevent you from leaving.

(You can probably get around this by explicitly agreeing to pay for your meal before you sit down to eat. From what I remember, fairies don’t seem capable of pulling a “Haha, we had an agreement but you’re fucked anyways!” maneuver, so if they agree to let you leave they might even be forced to help you leave.)

Which brings us to the matter at hand: if you blow a fairy you’re doing them a favor! They owe you.

And…they’re a fairy, so if you didn’t agree to terms beforehand they might not repay you in a way that’s ultimately helpful or safe, but it certainly doesn’t seem like they’d be able to, like, pat you on the head and be like “Thanks, you’re really good at this buuuuuuut also you’re stuck here forever now.”

Instead, what seems more likely is…I dunno, showing up to your wedding years later and giving you a beautiful white horse that always comes when called, while loudly praising you as truly deserving it for giving them them simply the best oral they’ve had in years. 

Or they feel obligated to show up at your house a couple days a year. So, like

“you wanna come over for the weekend?”

“oh man I’m so sorry i sucked some fairy dick once and now he always comes by over memorial day weekend and helps me out with minor home repairs.”

“you what now”

This is my favorite act of intellectual bugfuckery on this entire website, when I die I want someone to print this out and place it in my grave with me so I can cherish it forever.

This is wild™

basically, i think the general rule of thumb is: if someone REALLY wants the blood that’s inside of your body, and they’re like… a vampire, or a dracula, or some sort of mansquito, then that’s probably okay. a dracula and a mansquito are made for removing things like blood and swords from inside your body. that’s basically fine.

if something wants to get at your blood, and they’re, say, some kind of murdersaurus, or maybe a really big frog, that’s where the problems start to arise. a really frog is not made for removing blood, and your blood knows this, which is why it is so vehement about wanting to stay IN your body instead of coming out. 

unfortunately this will not deter a really big frog, because a really big frog is full of things like prizes, and value, and quite a lot of hatred, and it would REALLY rather like to replace any and all of those things with your blood, and basically by any means possible.

These words scan with a fantastic degree of confidence considering that together they make no sense at all

sometimes if you squint hard enough there are individual coherent sentences