No one knows your body like you do

Sometimes the hardest part about having a chronic illness is trying to make people believe you. I find it really hard "calling in sick" because as I'm stuttering/explaining myself to who ever it is I can already hear there response in my head. Me: "I'm sorry I can't come in today, my chronic illness is really playing up and I literally can't move and hsdjsk and kjcksk and.." What I think they'll say: "oh.. Right.. Okay.. I know you're lying but there's nothing I can legally do about it so thanks for being a rubbish person" What they actually say "oh.. Okay.. Let us know when you're okay again" What they really mean "oh.. Okay.. This again.. Why did I even bother with you if you're always pulling a sickie?" I just think we have to believe our selfs, we know when we're going to be okay and not okay. Don't let judgmental friends/ teachers/ anyone get in your head and twist your thoughts.

I'm just like really tired like really like tired like really like tired like... Really tired.

That Chronic Life

You know it’s been a “wild” night when you wake up with three naked hot water bottles in your bed. 

Chronic Pain Really Fucking Hurts

It really really hurts. I can’t measure it on a 1 - 10 scale because each time is different to the last.

The pain just hits you out of no where and knocks you down for days, weeks, months or even years. 

Sometimes the pain meds work, sometimes they don’t and you just have to breath through the agony. 

I wouldn’t wish this on anyone, I’m scared to have children because I don’t want them to feel this pain. Sometimes I don’t even believe the pain I’m going through because it doesn’t make any sense 

We. Need. A. Cure

All pain is relative, but don't tell me you physically understand my pain when you haven't been through it. The sad thing is that we'll never will know if one person will feel the same pain as another, or if that persons pain is worth more or less or felt in the same proportions. Sometimes we'll try and best each other experiences with disease. People say "mine was so bad" "my pain was worse" "you'll never understand" Physically no one will ever understand mine, yours or anyone's pain. But we humans can all empathise on a mental level and can comprehend the same pain in relation to another. I'm writing this post at 3am, woken up by god awful pain, I found this quote a while ago but couldn't find the words to go with it, it came to me tonight. I hope everyone in the chronic illness community is having a good nights sleep and stays pain free! Hugs and spoons guys ❤️

In my GIs waiting room

It’s no choice

More and more I’m hearing people saying that health is a choice. They say you choice your life style and attract all that comes to you, good or bad. 

I didn’t choose to have a life of pain, endless pills, hospital stays, surgeries and I most certainly didn’t choose an incurable illness. 

Please don’t assume my lifestyle choices are a reflection of my health, please don’t tell me things like “should you really be eating that?” or “That can’t be good for you in your state” It really doesn’t help. 

I didn’t choose to have a chronic disease, but i do have the right to choose how I live my life around it.

One of the hardest side effects to deal with from having a chronic illness is letting people down.

I hate it, I hate knowing that I’m the reason plans change and that I miss out on things and there’s nothing I can do about it. 

I just need people to know that I’m not doing it intentionally and that being sick is a real excuse. It may inconvenience you for a day but it’s how my life will be forever. You have to deal with it in the now and I have to deal with letting people down until my incurable disease is cured.

Chronic Illness + Sleep

Sometimes no matter how much sleep you get you will still be tired and sometimes no matter how tired you are you will never get any sleep.

This is my life on the daily!! 

There is never a happy medium when you have IBD, you’re either weak from malnutrition because your body wont absorb anything or you’re mad bloated from that tiny bit of gluten you ate. #thatspoonielife

Stress is really hard to deal with, but it’s even harder if you have a chronic illness because it can often interfere with the illness and cause a painful reaction. 

Just telling yourself to calm down isn’t always going to be enough to let go of that stress, what works best for me is to temporarily take myself out of the equation completely until i feel I am at a healthy place to deal with it again.

I’ll go for a nice long walk, watch a film or even bake something. I find that doing something that uses my full attention works the best and once I’ve cooled down a little it’s much easier to address the thing that’s stressing you out.

Spoonies, learn to not work your bodies so hard that it has a knock on effect to your health. Learn to listen to your bodies instincts and also to hear your bodies need for space.

You don’t even know the meaning of the word tired until you are chronically fatigued. 

When your body is screaming for rest but you can’t sleep because of the pain, so you lay awake with numerous hot bottle’s, are hazy from all the pain meds and your eyes are so sore form being awake for so long. You watch the sunrise through squinted eyes and as soon as you Dr’s surgery opens you ring them to book an appointment, you don’t have the strength to shower or get ready in any way, it takes all the power you have just to get there and once your with the Dr, all they do is write you a script for more pain meds, or sleeping meds or tell you something you already know. 

It can take days/weeks or even in some cases years for someone with a chronic illness to work out a routine that fits them. It’s so difficult to continue on with “every day” life when your body is fighting itself.

Promise me you wont give up and that you won’t lose hope. You WILL get through it, I wont lie to you and say that it’s going to be all rainbows because it wont.

But your good times will be just that little sweeter then the others who don’t realise all the spoons we use!

Having a chronic illness means your body can just fuck you over when ever and where ever with no warnings signs. After a while it really starts to drain you both physically and mentally.

And the worst part is there is no way out. You can’t just leave your body and trade it in for a new one, you have to stay trapped inside, not knowing when the pain will end and what your body will go through next. It’s hell.

But through darkness comes light, through pain and suffering comes the strength to carry on and all though our lives will lead a difficult path we must continue to fight.

I believe we are all put on this earth for a reason. You were given this life because you are strong enough to deal with it, when you feel you can’t carry on try to remember that.