everyone check your kids halloween candy, i just found some inferior quality copper inside a kit kat??

I haven't seen dancing pumpkin guy ONCE this year, are you guys okay?

FINE! I'll do it myself

Are any of y'all aware that there's been four zebras loose in the Maryland suburbs for a month?

Seriously I cannot believe everyone isn't talking about this.

I feel like I'm going insane. There's been five (not Four!) Zebras in Maryland unaccounted for and no one is talking about this.

Better yet, they’ve split into two groups - a duo and a trio - and if they survive the winter, which is entirely likely, professional opinion is that this could be the start of a Maryland zebra population.

Da fauq????????

diogenes, sitting naked in his barrel, meticulously plucking a chicken: this is gonna be so fuckin hilarious just wait

sometimes i stop and think about what an incredibly dumb villain thanos was. idk how you were supposed to take him seriously when his goal was that dumb

made it all the more galling to see people saying thanos “had a point”

In the comics, his goal was to fuck a skeleton.

see? considerably less dumb

It was also particularly insulting to have the movie validate Thanos so much. Having that stupid line about how after the snap, whale populations were recovering or whatever garbage was such a Eco Fascist moment, I couldnt even believe it.

I want back the guy who's being cucked by Deadpool

me 😐 irl

Let homeless people occupy peopleless homes, build houses for use rather than exchange, 3D print comfortable houses in a day, convert corporate skyscrapers into housing and commercial malls into publicly-accessible community centers with living commons and entertainment

When you say it to people and they break

“But the money? … we can’t just? But, Money? We can’t just… help… people? Can we? The Money. We can’t just help people? Like that? We can’t just? Money?”

To really break them, tell them it’s cheaper to give homeless people homes than it is to leave them on the street.

Forrest Gump (1994) dir. Robert Zemeckis

Is there anything funnier than seeing Mara Wilson like several tweets in a row about how much Ben Shapiro sucks every time he does something that gets him attention

only knowing that mara wilson and ben shapiro are cousins

The person I reblogged this from is someone I enjoy seeing on my dashboard.

You ever come across a joke that makes you angry for laughing at it?

This is what every single study on the subject says. There are graduate level classes on this. It’s absolutely a thing that works.