pluviophile

Gusto ko lang naman maramdaman na importante ako, na may isang taong takot akong mawala-sa salita at gawa.

Yung mga taong mag-aaya tapos mage-expect na you'll get out of your way and do extra efforts just to meet them. Wow, the audacity. Special ka?

Paanong hindi ako lalapit sa 'maling' tao kung yung mga tamang tao naman, hindi mo malapitan? It took me a lot of guts to reach out, I only ended up being ignored.

Di ko alam alin mas madali, mawala lahat o mawala ako.

Hay ex, I'm reminded why we're exes. Hindi ka pa rin sensitive sa words mo. 🙂

I'm in need of something new about myself so I bleached my hair. Planning to do this last month pa, finally natuloy na. If di maging maayos then maybe hello short hair soon? Ready na ko for plan b. Haha

Pakiramdam ko ang liit lang ng problema ko pero parang pinapalaki ko. Nakakaistorbo pa ako ng ibang tao. Nakakahiya.

Sige, kwentuhan muna tayo bago aki ulit magpalamon sa trabaho.

Recently, I've been active on dating apps, Bumble to be exact. So medyo marami akong new people na nakakausap. Maayos naman majority, if meron namang umpisa pa lang e medyo bastos ma unfollow na lang agad. Let's not engage ourselves to negative people, hindi yung ang gusto nating makita don.

Going back, yung mga 'constant' kong nakakausap, nagmove out na kami sa Bumble. Some nasa messenger na, telegram, viber, even discord and stream (alam nyo na, gamers haha). And I was also able to meet some of them (ay char isa pa lang ata kasi yung isa di natuloy then yung isa bukas).

But one thing I noticed about myself and my current 'dating attitude' is that I easily get turn off. Siguro dahil na rin sa experiences ko that made my standards a bit firmer and higher? Di ko sure. For example, if nagsabi akong busy ako and then bigla sila tatawag or magdedemand ng reply ko, yung interest ko talking to them slowly fades away. Like ako nga di nagdedemand ng reply mo, bakit ka magdedemand sakin? When in the first place I said, I'm busy or taking a rest? If I would like to talk, I will make time to talk. Wag tayo maging mapilit, we should respect people's time and priorities.

Another thing, I don't know why some are so fast in blurting out their emotions. I don't want invalidate any, kung gusto ba talaga nila ako or hindi I cannot judge them. But one thing that we all should also consider is how is the other party going to react or feel after we "confess" our feelings. Especially after one or two meet ups or days na magkausap. At this point in my life, even before naman, I always tell people na bago ka may sabihin, are you ready for the consequences? Your words can make or break a connection. At the same time, do you know the gravity of your words? What's your intention of confessing? Kaya mo bang panindigan whatever na sinabi at sasabihin mo? Girls can ignore your confession, then syempre maooffend ka. Iisipin mo pinaasa ka, pinasakay ka tapos wala lang pala. But what if you just misjudged yung pagiging friendly nya? Yung kindness? You took her personality as a form of flirting kaya akala mo may chance ka. Let's be aware of that. Lalo na kung nilatag naman sayo.

(these are exactly the things why I don't like to be in a relationship aside from my personal priorities, maraming tao ang ramdam mo hindi alam kung ano ang gusto nilang pasukin)

It's nice to have someone to talk to, may nakakasama ka lumabas and etc but it should not be enough reason for you to be with someone na agad. Baka kasi, malungkot ka lang, namimiss mo lang. Pero yung commitment side, hindi ka pa pala fully ready. Let's all heal first, be complete first, before trying to enter somebody else's life. Let's not carry the burden of the previous relationship or your personal issues to your next partner. Sino ba naman may gusto non, di ba?

I also realized that it's okay to talk to more than one person. Nagpakita man sila ng intention to court or not, it wil never be wrong if you're entertaining more than one. Sabi nga nila, if you're a girl you should know who's the best option for you. How will you know who's the best kung isa lang naman yung kinoconsider mo, di ba? And I think that's one of my mistakes in the past na ayaw ko ng maulit pa. I deserve to be with someone who will really exert efforts on me, someone who is serious in being committed with me because I deserve that.

Sometimes being alone helps you to know yourself better and then, when you're around other people, you get to know if you're ready to be with someone or not. You cannot test everything about yourself on your own. So don't be afraid to take steps in doing assessment kung okay ka na ba as a person, okay na ba ang puso mo, ready ka na ba ulit. As long as you're honest to yourself and the people you talk to, you're good. Kahit ano pang sabihin nila, ang importante sinabi mo kung ano ang totoo. You have nothing to be guilty about if you don't feel the same because it's just part of the risks that people do. Don't be too hard on yourself. You know better.

Unexpected breakdown saglit, bangon agad after.

May mga tao talaga na pag alam mong hindi pa ready for commitment, wag ka nang sumugal, wag mo na ipilit. Unless gusto mo talaga yung nasasaktan ka. Yung tipong alam mo ng may bangin pero dumiretso ka pa rin. 🤷🏻‍♀️

I have closure with ny recent ex and I don't see myself with any of my exes 😌

There are times na I wished I'm with someone. Someone I can invite to go out anytime, tell my rants to, malalambing, maaasikaso. I miss having someone who can give me assurance, inspiration, motivation and support. Pero alam nating lahat that having a partner is not raindows and butterflies. Marami ring problems and struggles, things that I'm certain I'm not yet ready. I'm enjoying the life being single and it's actually my choice. Sadyang minsan talaga naiisip ko na sana meron akong go-to person.

I just want to be healed first, settle all my issues para may peace of mind and contentment ako sa next relationship ko. And I believe, whoever my next person will be, deserves that.

When I'm ready, I'll open my doors again. I deserve to be happy, we all do.

I don't know why I wento back to smoking since last week

Don't try to motivate me, it won't work. It'll only make me feel you're invalidating my feelings. It's been really a tough day and majority of my problems are caused by other people. Like how do you expect me to be just fine when money, services (credibility) and sanity is involved? Tanga lang?