I feel very similarly to what you just described. Although, I do still live with my parents, so I still have them as my support system. But your situation is something that I think about a lot. One day I will have to move out, and… I’m not really sure what I’ll do from then-on. As of currently, I don’t know any aromantics in real life. My friends are either at college now or are going to be going after this summer. They are generally pretty good about wanting to stay in touch, but its going to get a bit more difficult.
I completely agree about wanting a person in your life that’s committed to you, but unsure if you want a partner. I always thought that I wanted a life partner, but lately I’ve been doubting if I really do or if its just amatonormativity and even internalized aromisia. I have a hard time separating my fantasies and daydreams from what I want in reality. When it comes to myself in real life, I’m pretty romance-repulsed, touch-averse, and introverted. Sometimes I wonder if even having a platonic partner would end up being too much commitment.
But I suppose the good part is that a platonic partner can be anything you want. It could be someone who you do romantic-coded things with. They could be more like a roommate. Your partner could live down the street but still be committed to you and you could meet up together. There’s no rules and no limitations to what having a life partner needs to consist of.
If you don’t want a partner, then I’m not exactly sure how to go about finding a reliable support system. I can’t think of any other options other than finding it in family members or friends, but chances are they will have their SO’s and children at a higher priority than you. You could get a pet, and that would help you feel less lonely, but it won’t do anything for a support system.
Like I said earlier, I’m still living with my parents, so I’m not of much help for finding solutions through experience. You could try to reach out and talk to other aros who are living on their own and don’t have partners.
As far as my advice for this current holiday season, it’s pretty generic but maybe it’ll help anyway…
- If you want to and if its something you would enjoy, try to find out when your friends are available and meet up. Throw a party, go to dinner, catch a movie at the theater, or just meet up somewhere and talk.
- Or meet up with family. Parents, cousins, uncles, anyone who you’re close to. You could host a holiday family get-together, or just meet up with someone.
- If you have online friends, you could play an online game together, or use Skype or Rabb.it (or a similar program/website) and watch a movie or tv show together. If you don’t feel comfortable showing your face, you can just use the chat option.
- Treat yourself! Do something you enjoy! Catch a new movie by yourself, find a long series to binge, go shopping at your favorite stores, buy a dessert (like cake) to enjoy for days until you finish it.
- Self-care in general! Of course its normal and natural to be lonely at times and get into slumps, but try not to get too down and dwell on your loneliness.
I hope you feel better and aren’t too lonely this holiday season! (Also I’m not sure if you’re sick or if it was just an example, but if you are sick I hope you get better soon!) Happy holidays! 💚
